...Insane Quotes...

"If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming."

" Cordozer start swimming cause you are fixing to hit bottom."

Damn, after a year in the SWF, I just realized Chris Staggs is doing it wrong. I mean after all this time he has been winning matches and making his way up to the top of the ladder. Chris Staggs should have been losing, not contributing to the feuds. Yeah that is right. Please I heard people in the back saying oh Chris Staggs has had way too many chances at the SWF World Championship Title. Yeah that really makes a lot of sense. Criticize the guy for climbing the ladder time after time. Sure Cordozer may deserve a chance. He may not ,but then again I guess pulling for the underdog is human nature. Though we know that the underdog rarely ever wins. Really how many times have you seen the Cincinnati Bengals defeat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Anyway I didn't want to get into the spill about underdogs. No I want to talk about people who think that Chris Staggs is hogging a main event spot. Apparently they think Chris Staggs has had enough chances. Excuse me I didn't know we had on the limit of title shots that one can receive. Yet then again these are the same people that haven't held shit in the SWF and are seemingly jealous of Chris Staggs success.  Maybe you can quite bitching about Chris Staggs hogging the spotlight and find something that you need. Say like talent.  Chris Staggs doesn't deserve another shot!? Please that is like telling Kentucky that they shouldn't win 18 straight games. It is pure idiocy at its finest. The guy has lost the last three weeks. He has proven he doesn't deserve it. Oh well I guess you jealous asswipes will have your biased opinions and Chris Staggs can't do nothing except prove every single one of you wrong. Hey don't get mad, just except that Chris Staggs has cemented his spot as a main event wrestler. Tuesday Night, Chris Staggs will earn his eighth title shot as he defeats everyone's underdog...

...Cordozer Stevenson...

Eight title shots though is way too many right, Cordozer? Chris Staggs has had his chances at the title it is your turn, right? Hmmm funny you have had shots at the Overdrive Title, which you lost. You had a chance at the National Title, which you lost. Though forget all the lower rank title matches you lost. You beat the World Champion Strick Carrington...OOOooo. Well if everyone had that kind of thinking than we would be giving out title shots everyday of the week. Cordozer Stevenson you may think that Chris Staggs is a choke artist ,but he has done something that you have been able to do and that is win a SWF title. Any title. Cordozer, you have quite a following wanting you to win this match. They want to see you in the World Title match at KITNO III. Why? So they can see a repeat of you and Skitzo...which you lost. Maybe another replay of Hen and you. Which you lost too. Damn you defeated only 1 out of the 3 men in the match. The one you beat is a fucking joke as World Champion. Really people...SWF World Champion Strick Carrington. That just doesn't sound right in any way shape or form. Cordozer Stevenson, I might sound like I am saying that Chris Staggs knows he is going to win, but I am not. I am just driving home the point that you are not ready for the big time. You don't know how to step it up. So you pulled out a fluke win over Strick Carrington. Hey even a dead clock gets the time right twice. Cordozer Stevenson do me a favor though and focus on the match like you did last week's match. We all saw how great you did in that match. What was the end result? Oh yeah another loss. Cordozer Stevenson you are one and three this month while Chris Staggs is a whooping four and zip. You could say that Chris Staggs has an easier time because he was in a tag team. I mean that is what you are good at...excuses.  You have made up so many so far. Cordozer let's break this down any farther. Chris Staggs has the superior talent, superior ability, and superior experience. The only thing you got going for you is your intelligence and that is kind of shaky. I mean you actually said Chris Staggs pretends to be serious? What the hell? Are you sure you know who you are facing this week in the main event? Chris Staggs, the guy that wears Scooby Doo PJs and has the mind set of a six year old, is the man you are facing. Chris Staggs has never pretended to be serious.  Yet you try and make the statement that Chris Staggs is acting. What the fuck people? Why do you keep thinking Chris Staggs is faking. Hell he is a certified idiot. You can ask Aaron Andrews...Aaron Awesome....whateva...

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!!

Chris Staggs get out of here. Anyway A2 and Chris Carey know this fact to be true as the subjected to him to some physiological testing. Though people will keep coming at him with that as I have to tell them time and time again. Damn the SWF is full of A.D.D. suffers. Anyway Cordozer, you still believe that you are going to "kick Chris Staggs's ass". Please you couldn't connect your foot to Roseanne Barr's ass. Now that is a big ass target. I know that was corny ,but fuck it, its true. Cordozer has been in a slump the last three weeks and he shows no signs of breaking out.  Cordozer Stevenson you might have some help cause the lumberjack might want to get involved. You know...

...Johnny O. and Hunter Tazi...

These idiots need to get a fucking life. They have been obsessed with getting Whateva Fo Sho' the last month and well it is getting quite dumb. Chris Staggs and Tommy Grady have been victims of sexual frustration. Hunter Tazi has hurt both Aaron Everage and Chris Naggs ,but why? Simply Johnny O. isn't putting out. Yeah you heard me. I am calling Johnny O. and Hunter Tazi homosexual. So what are they going do? KILL me. What is your deal with KILL. You are going KILL them. You are going to KILL him. You are going to KILL her. You want me to get your a Thesaurus? Here is some suggestions....murder, decapitate, dispose, knock off. Johnny O and Hunter Tazi you are fucking losers...get lost already. Same goes for your tag bitch...

...Mike Steele...

This isn't about winning or losing. It isn't? Well I will be damn. You showed them the new Mike Steele. Yeah funny he seems like the old Mike Steele...a loser Yeah you drove Chris Staggs through the announce table. Yet Chris Staggs is fine and he back ready for his match this week. You are unloading on us but Mike Steele you are just shooting blanks. You are going to stay at rock bottom. You took the first step in securing that when you aligned yourself with the lumberjack.  Mike Steele, you were the W3 Champion, in other words you are just like everyone in wrestler. If Colin Ronning held the title than the title means shit. Oh well I guess I will focus on getting my eighth world title shot.

...Hen, Skitzo, and Strick Carrington...

Chris Staggs may well be the odds on favorite to win the title. Chris Staggs has been on a roll since four on one defeat at the hands of Hen and crew. Chris Staggs has been taking care of folks left and right...while Hen, Skitzo, and Strick Carrington have been slipping and fumbling. They haven't done shit since supposedly earning the shot at the title. Strick Carrington has been one of the worst champions in SWF history. I mean Tiger level champion. Skitzo has been very very quiet are you hunting rabbits? Then finally we have Hen who will probably be the toughest guy in the whole match which means Chris Staggs chances of winning are greater than they have ever been.  Hen, Skitzo, and Strick, you better hope to hell Cordozer pulls a victory out of his ass or you three don't stand much of a chance of winning at Killing In The Name Of III.

...Summing It Up...

Cordozer Stevenson vs. Chris Staggs the match rivals that of the Benzino/Eminem feud and Cordozer you are not white. We have verbally ripped ya now all there is left is to beat ya one two three. Damn I should become a rapper...nah. Anyway Cordozer you stand in the way of Chris Staggs's SWF World Title......MOVE!!! 

( Camera opens up with a room filled with maps, phone books, atlases, and so on. The room looks like it has been hit by a tornado or something as the camera focuses in the middle of the mayhem to find Chris Staggs sitting Indian style in the floor. Just then Chris Naggs with a NECKBRACE  walks into the room and stands there in shock. )

[ Chris Naggs:] What in the world happened?

[ Chris Staggs:] I have looked and looked....

[ Chris Naggs:] For what?

[ Chris Staggs:] The Land of Make Believe.

[ Chris Naggs:] You have?

[ Chris Staggs:] Yeah I looked on maps, phone books, even atlases and still nothing. WHY GOD DO YOU FORSAKEN ME!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Chris...its a television show.

[ Chris Staggs:] Your point?

[ Chris Naggs:] The Land of Make Believe isn't real.

[ Chris Staggs:] TAKE THAT BACK!!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay, It is real but it is located at PBS studio.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!?

[ Chris Naggs:] Yes, why are you looking for the Land Of Make Believe ?

[ Chris Staggs:] Someone has to break the news to them.

[ Chris Naggs:] So let me guess we are going to the studio...

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!?

( Chris Staggs stands up and walks out the door as Chris Naggs stands there for a moment. Chris Staggs comes back )

[ Chris Staggs:] Let's GO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Chris put on some pants.

( Chris Staggs looks down as he is in his Scooby Doo Boxers )

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

( Chris Staggs goes into the bedroom and returns after a few moments. )

[ Chris Staggs:] Let's GO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Shoes...

( Chris Staggs looks down as he sees his socks with holes. He runs back to the bedroom and puts on his shoes. Then returns. )

[ Chris Staggs:] Let's go?

[ Chris Naggs:] Ok...

[ Chris Staggs:] PHANTOM DIS BIATCH!!!

( Camera fades black again as we reopen in front of the PBS studios. )

[ Chris Staggs:] WHOA!!!!!!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Uh yeah.

[ Chris Staggs:] This is huge...now we have to find the neighborhood.

[ Chris Naggs:] It has to be in one of these buildings.

[ Chris Staggs:] Dude....a neighborhood couldn't be in any of these buildings.

[ Chris Naggs:] Uh right...

[ Chris Staggs:] Let's ask someone...

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay

( Just then a security guard walks by, how convenient. They stop the guard )

[ Chris Naggs:] Excuse me, where is the Mr. Roger's Neighborhood Studio is located?

[ Security Guard:] It is the third building on your right.

[ Chris Staggs:] Thank ya kind sir...

( Chris Staggs jumps on the back of the guard's golf cart and points )

[ Chris Staggs:] TO THA NEIGHBORHOOD!!!!

[ Security Guard:] Get off my golf cart.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

( Chris Staggs hops off. )

[ Chris Staggs:] I guess we can walk.

( Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs walk to the building and enter it. )

[ Chris Staggs:] WHAT A LIAR!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] What do you mean?

[ Chris Staggs:] There is no neighborhood in the building.

[ Chris Naggs:] Uh right.

[ Chris Staggs:] Wait...

( Chris Staggs sees the little model replica of the neighborhood. Chris Staggs looks confused )

[ Chris Staggs:] Mr. Rogers must be magical.

[ Chris Naggs:] Why do you say that?

[ Chris Staggs:] He has to shrink to fit in the house.

[ Chris Naggs:] Ah...umm Chris look over there ....there is the Land Of Make Believe.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!!!

( Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs walk over to the set as Chris Staggs looks around. )

[ Chris Staggs:] KING FRIDAY!!! KING FRIDAY!!! WHERE ARE YOU!!!

( Nothing happens. )

[ Chris Staggs:] Where is everyone?

[ Chris Naggs:] I don't know

[ Chris Staggs:] KING FRIDAY I GOT BAD NEWS!!!

( Still nothing happens. )

[ Chris Staggs:] There gone too...

( Chris Staggs takes a seat on the trunk. )

[ Chris Staggs:] This is truly a sad day in the history of the world...

( Chris Staggs looks down as he sees the puppet of King Friday hanging out )

[ Chris Staggs:] AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Chris..

[ Chris Staggs:] AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Chris..

[ Chris Staggs:] KING FRIDAY SPEAK TO ME!!!

( Chris Staggs tries to open the trunk. )

[ Chris Staggs:] I can't open it.

( Chris Naggs flips the latch as Chris Staggs throws open the trunk. Chris Staggs grabs King Friday as he looks distraught )

[ Chris Staggs:] I think I am going to be sick...

[ Chris Naggs:] Why?

[ Chris Staggs:] Why? His legs have been chopped off.

[ Chris Naggs:] That is a puppet...they were all puppets.

( Chris Staggs looks crushed. )

[ Chris Staggs:] Yeah right and Alf was a midget in a suit.

[ Chris Naggs:] Exactly...

[ Chris Staggs:] Yeah whateva!!!  This smells of MURDA!!!!!!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Oh geez..

[ Chris Staggs:] We must track down the real killers.

[ Chris Naggs:] Uh umm

[ Chris Staggs:] What are we waiting on?

[ Chris Naggs:] They caught him.

[ Chris Staggs:] Already?

[ Chris Naggs:] Uh yeah.

[ Chris Staggs:] Coo...lets go home...a Scooby Doo marathon is coming on.

( Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs leave with nothing actually being accomplished. )

( END PROMO )