|
Insane Quote If any man says he hates war more than
I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say. "Hen you better have a knife cause
this is war" Sudden Immortality IMMORTALITY...Webster's dictionary defines it as
exempt from death; exempt from oblivion . Yet this isn't what is meant with the
immortality concerned in the SWF. No, this immortality is based on not falling
off the spotlight. This is a chance for one of us to cement our name in to SWF
greatness. Yet the match isn't for any title. The match for you Hen though is a
chance at the SWF World Title shot. What is in it for Chris Staggs though?
Simple Chris Staggs is a man that has defied the odds some many times. When
people said he wouldn't keep the SWF Television Title more than a week ,because
no one held it more than a week. Chris Staggs showed them in becoming the
longest SWF Television champion in history. He never lost a match. He was never
defeated for the title. He had to drop it because he beat the challenger for the
World Title shot now. He defeated Strick Carrington for the vacated title.
Defying the odds didn't stop there. He was still the underdog when he had the
title. He was supposedly to have no chance to defending his title the next week
at the pay per view. He couldn't defeat Pete Ebdon or Andrew Turner. He couldn't
defeat a national champion or a six time world champion. What happened at
Hellbound? He defend the title successfully. He only lost the world title on
probably the biggest screw job in the world. Nemesis turned on him and literally
gave Pete Ebdon the world title. After that people said he couldn't get another
shot at the title. They said his time had past. He was over the hill. What
happened? Chris Staggs was in the number one contenders match only to be screwed
by Corporate Nemesis. I mean fuck Hen talk about being screwed out to the this
month's title shot. He doesn't know the meaning of screw job. Chris Staggs is
the leaving breathing victim of numerous screw jobs. Anyway Chris Staggs went on
letting that last screw job get the better of him. It eventually sent him over
the edge and Chris Staggs spent time in the mental ward. When he came back he
was the idiotic mastermind he is today. When he returned it was the same talk as
before. He is too stupid to do any good. He is going to kill himself. Chris
Staggs had a shot in the gauntlet match but ran out of gas. He then was awarded
another shot ,but A2 had the fuck world on his side. He shouldn't have won the
title. Hell even Chris Carey knows this for a fact. Chris Staggs has made
a career on defying the odds. Now at Sudden Immortality he can cement with a
victory over probably the second best wrestler in the SWF right now other than
Chris Staggs of course. Chris Staggs can become a fucking legend with yet
another win. Maybe in turn get his sixth title shot. HEN Now Hen I will not do the catchphrase
FO SHO! today cause I got on my own nerves. I will just rip you a new one with
the verbal rape I am fixing to lay upon you. So lets start off with you
supposedly carry the SWF the last two fucking months. What the fuck!? You know
damn well you have carried shit except your tag partner. I mean what else did
you do? Oh yeah that lame ass attempt at a feud with Strick. Hell I don't even
remember a single segment of the feud. Then again Chris Staggs and I were busy
feuding with Carey...err...I mean "A2". Hell the only segment he did against
Chris Staggs was attack me the narrator. I mean what kind of pussy does that?
Wow he can beat the hell out of a overweight, out of shape, forty year old man.
What a CHAMP! Anyway getting back to Hen. Now Hen you have this all wrong. You
say that Chris Staggs is standing in your way. No Chris Staggs is your dead end.
Hen, he is your last stop. You will not defeat Chris Staggs. You can go on this
typical ego driven rant about how great you are for the next five minutes. Why
though? You will basically repeat yourself over and over. You will just turn
into another Pete Ebdon and who needs that Hen? Certainly not I, and definitely
not the SWF. See Hen I seen your type of gimmick before. You basically hope that
you can get over as a good heel with your cocky gimmick and somewhat decent
comedy. Yet you know that you can't pull it off with out having a great face to
work off of. See Hen, Chris Staggs carried you this month. Chris Staggs put you
up in the spotlight. Chris Staggs has given you and him a chance to steal the
show. We all know that no one in the world cares about a non-existent feud
between A2 and Strick. Anyway now Hen I got some footage that will show you
something that apparently tried to block out of your mind. Didn't you say in
your last promo that no one has pinned you cleanly? Well Hen prepare to eat
crow. Kramerica: The Beautiful / Mike
Steele/Chris Staggs vs. Renegades Of Coolness ( Hen goes in and pushes Erik Olson
out of the ring while Chris Staggs pushes Mike Steele out of the ring so they
can go one-on-one. They go up face-to-face and Hen starts some trash talk while
Staggs just smiles. Hen pushes Staggs and Staggs comes back with a right hand
and several left hands to Hen, knocking him into the corner. Staggs hits four
shoulder tackles on Hen and on the fifth Hen moves allowing Chris Staggs’s
shoulder to crash into the ring post. Hen then rolls up Staggs putting his feet
on the ropes for a 1...2... Threeeee… NO! Staggs kicks out this time from Hen’s
finisher. Hen is arguing with the ref as Mike Steele comes in with a chair,
distracting the referee. Staggs takes advantage of this, low blowing Hen and
hitting “Shock Therapy” on him in the center of the ring. Steele then gets
pulled over the top rope by Olson but in the ring Staggs pins Hen for a
1...2...3! Steele and Staggs have won it! ) Damn that's bitter isn't it? It appears to me that Chris Staggs did in
fact defeat you for the three count cleanly. Yeah I know a low blow is legal.
Well it is when the ref doesn't catch it. Yet Chris Staggs did defeat you;
something that you haven't done to Chris Staggs. I mean yeah you defeated his
tag team with Strick Carrington. You have never pinned Chris Staggs's shoulders
to the mat for the victory. Hen you might want to think next before you open
your mouth. You might bite off more than you can chew, like when you said that
you are going to bring out the tables, ladders, and chairs. You are going to
beat Chris Staggs within an inch of his life. Hello Hugh Johnson. I didn't know
you were back in the SWF. Hen get real. You can't any beat your dick right. So
you definitely can't beat Chris Staggs to a bloody pulp. Damn Hen you talk a big
game yet I seem to always catch you on it. I mean you are letting a forty year
old overweight, out of shape narrator punk you out. Hen you claim that you are
the reason for the ratings and attendance. Yet isn't it funny when you see every
fan wearing a FO SHO tee shirt. Isn't it funny when you here the FO SHO chants.
Face it Hen Chris Staggs is a bigger hit than you. Hell Hen Chris Staggs is
better in every aspect of the game. You will have to learn this the hard way I
guess. The Chris Carey Memo... No I know everyone has read the memo
stating that Chris Carey could have went different direction with Chris Staggs.
Now Kyle Broadway, Strick Carrington, even A2 have spoke on the subject. So I
guess it is time for Chris Staggs to speak on. Well not Chris Staggs cause let's
face it I told him that and all he told me was FO SHO! Anyway now I understand
that many of you would be mad if you were in Chris Staggs's place ,but no one on
the Chris Staggs crew is upset. See Chris Staggs has been victim of a screw job
that it isn't surprising that Chris Carey would have done it again.
Summing It Up Hen face it you have about as much
chance of winning this match as R. Kelly not getting excited at a high school
prom. Hen you are nothing more than another Pete Ebdon with comedy. You can talk
for hours on end yet all we hear is the same old bullshit. When are you going to
wake up Hen and realize that we heard everything you said before. You haven't
got this one in the bag cause you are too busy thinking about that whore Kenzia
Rain. Hell I got to agree with Erik Olson when I say she is fucking slut. Oh and
Chris Faggs? Damn that is oldest insult in the damn book. So keep that weak ass
shit out of my way. ( Camera opens back up as we see the ferry pulling
up. The ramp connects to the road as The Hen Mobile comes bouncing into Rome! We
switch inside as we see Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs. Chris Naggs looks to be
getting sick as they bounce down the road with Chris Staggs singing at the top
of his lungs as 50 Cents plays kinda. ) [ Chris Staggs:]
y-y-y-y-you s-s-s-s-s-s-said y-y-y-y-y-y-you a g-g-g-g-g-g-gansta [ Chris Naggs: ]
Umm Chris.... [ Chris Staggs:] b-b-b-b-b-b-but y-y-y-y-y-y-you
n-n-n-n-n-neva p-p-p-p-pop n-n-n-n-n-n-nuthin [ Chris Naggs: ]
Umm Chris.... [ Chris Staggs:] y-y-y-y-y-y-you
s-s-s-s-s-s-said y-y-y-y-y-y-you a-a-a-a-a w-w-w-w-w-wanksta [ Chris Naggs: ]
CHRIS!!!! [ Chris Staggs:] a-a-a-a-a-and y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you
n-n-n-n-n-need t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-stop f-f-f-f-f-f-frontin [ Chris Naggs: ]
DAMNIT CHRIS!!! [ Chris Staggs:] Wha? [ Chris Naggs: ]
The CD is skipping [ Chris Staggs:] It is? [ Chris Naggs: ]
YES! [ Chris Staggs:] I thought it might have been a
new version [ Chris Naggs: ]
Its your 50 Cent and you have listened to the whole CD at least twenty times [ Chris Staggs:] Well they could have changed
it. [ Chris Naggs: ]
How? [ Chris Staggs:] DUH!!! Rapping Fairies. [ Chris Naggs: ]
Rapping Fairies? [ Chris Staggs:] YEAH! Rapping Fairies, they are
little people dressed in FUBU and has resembles a hard tinkle bell....that change to beats of a song and make it
kick! [ Chris Naggs: ] I
think that is a Remix. [ Chris Staggs:] NO RAP FAIRIES!!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
Damn you are an complete idiot [ Chris Staggs:] I don't just play one on
television, I am one in real life! [ Chris Naggs: ]
Anyway just play the radio. [ Chris Staggs:] Fine! ( Chris Staggs takes out the 50 Cent and G-UUUNIT!!!!!!!
Chris turns on the radio as "Like A Virgin" by Madonna. Chris Staggs looks at
Chris Naggs. ) [ Chris Staggs:] When did Cluck Cluck put out a
song? [ Chris Naggs: ]
That isn't Hen [ Chris Staggs:] Oh good I was fixing to say he
sings a like a girl! [ Chris Naggs: ] Uh
yeah... [ Chris Staggs: ] You better recognize BITCH! I
BUST A CAP IN YO ASS! [ Chris Naggs: ]
Damn quit mocking blacks before we have someone quit the SWF! [ Chris Staggs: ] I really did believe up till I got shot, no black
person would shoot me, I was their representative ( Chris Naggs just looks at him in disbelief. ) [ Chris Staggs: ] FO SHO! [ Chris Naggs: ]
You have never been shot [ Chris Staggs: ] Calgary is a hard knock life. [ Chris Naggs: ]
Please Chris you grew up in CALGARY FUCKING ALBERTA!!! [ Chris Staggs: ] No I think is was just Calgary
Alberta...no fucking. [ Chris Naggs: ]
Calgary is basically a white country club city. [ Chris Staggs: ] What about A2 eh!? [ Chris Naggs: ]
He's a wigger! [ Chris Staggs: ] Wigger? [ Chris Naggs: ] He
is a white trying to black! [ Chris Staggs: ] So I'm a wigger!? [ Chris Naggs: ]
No! You are just a complete idiot. [ Chris Staggs: ] FO SHO! ( Chris Staggs looks around at the store signs which
are written in Italian. He looks frightened. ) [ Chris Staggs: ] I CAN'T READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
Everything is in Italian. [ Chris Staggs: ] FO SHO!? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Umm yes. Hmm maybe we can find an audio place to put in a
non skip CD player in. [ Chris Staggs: ] FO SHO!? [ Chris Naggs: ]
What a stroke of luck that appears to be one right there.. [ Chris Staggs: ] FO SHO!! ( Chris Staggs makes a sharp turn as they turn in on
one wheel. They stop in front of the garage. They get out and walk into the
shop. They walk in as an Italian walks up. ) [ Italian Audio Clerk:]
Il Giorno buono, come può l'aiuto [ Chris Naggs: ]
I SPEAK ENGLISH!!! [ Italian Audio Clerk:]
Ah you look like American midget [ Chris Naggs: ]
DAMNIT I AM NOT A MIDGET!!! I AM A SMALL PERSON!!! [ Chris Staggs: ] Ho bisogno di un lettore di cd
nuovo che non salta. Ho anche un progetto che voglio mettere sull'automobile. È
nello scompartimento di guanto. [ Italian Audio Clerk:]
Si, ciò possiamo fare. ( The Clerk walks out and bounces the Hen Mobile
into the garage as Chris Staggs walks over and takes a seat as Chris Naggs just
looks at him in disbelief. ) [ Chris Staggs: ] Ummm did I do something wrong? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Let me get this straight you can speak Italian yet you
can't read it? [ Chris Staggs: ] FO SHO! [ Chris Naggs: ]
So you are bilingual? ( Chris Staggs gives Chris Naggs a funny look ) [ Chris Staggs: ] Umm I don't swing that way. [ Chris Naggs: ]
No.......BILINGUAL! [ Chris Staggs: ] I DON'T SWING THAT WAY!!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
No you idiot, bilingual means you speak more than one
language. [ Chris Staggs: ] At once? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Umm no. [ Chris Staggs: ] FO SHO! ( Chris Staggs sees a television and grabs the
remote and flips it through as he stops on MTV2. Chris Staggs looks happy. ) [ Chris Staggs: ] SWAY!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
God! [ Chris Staggs: ] No SWAY!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
Jesus! [ Chris Staggs: ] NO SWAY!! 2 Hours Later... ( Chris Staggs is fixated on the
television as the Italian Audio Clerk walks in ) [ Italian Audio Clerk:]
Ehi suo ha fatto. Ciò sarà trecento e [ Chris Staggs: ] Chris, pay the
guy. [ Chris Naggs: ]
How much is it? [ Chris Staggs: ] Didn't you hear
the guy? ( Chris Staggs walks into the garage as
Chris Naggs stands there looking at the clerk. ) [ Chris Naggs: ]
How much is it? [ Italian Audio Clerk:]
Three Hundred Fifty. ( Chris Naggs pays the guy and walks into the garage
and sees the Hen Mobile. ) ( Chris Naggs looks in shock ) [ Chris Naggs: ]
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? [ Italian Audio Clerk:]
Che? [ Chris Naggs: ]
I want a REFUND!!! [ Chris Staggs: ] I MADE A NEW PAINT SCHEME!!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
Ummm [ Chris Staggs: ] ITS A CHICK MAGNET!!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
I guess.
[ Chris Staggs: ] MOVE GET AWAY!!!!!! ( Chris Staggs gets in as Chris Staggs puts in 50
Cent and pulls out as they bounce down the street of Rome blaring Wanksta ) ( END PROMO ) |
