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"I bet Erik Olson was told that a lot"
Fuck is everyone using these boring typical heel gimmicks? What gimmicks you
ask? Can't you see it? Everyone and their brother are cocky heels with a chip on
your shoulders. Hell the SWF has so many chips that we are making Frito Lay
jealous. You look around and we have this basic gimmick done fifty different
ways. You have the lame attempts of humor with the cocky attitude...I am better than
everyone heel gimmick...*cough*Hen*cough*. Then you have the pissed off cocky
heel gimmick that our current World Champion has been using since he arrived
back in the SWF after he was finished play hide the sausage with Tha Dyna$ty in
the IWF. These heel gimmick are getting played out. All we need now is a power
control owner........oops we already have that. Damn these gimmicks are starting
to blend together. What has happened to our lovable face that everyone pulls
for? He is a complete and utter idiot. The face is Chris Staggs. The bad thing
is that Chris Staggs seems to be the only true face that the SWF has on the
roster. Now I know you are thinking that faces are so old school. Well umm you
need fucking faces for heels to feud with. If you didn't then wrestling would be
very boring. Now I know you are asking yourself why is this babbling idiot going
on and on about faces and heels? Cause I need to use up some time and make it
look like I got a lot to talk about when I don't. Kinda like everyone in this
fucking fed does. They talk about stuff that would be about as interesting as
watching paint dry or watching grass grow. I think half of the SWF cuts promos
just to hear there God forsaken voices. Fuck this lets get on with this weeks
opponent....
Erik Olson
Oh man you are so cool...how can I become cool like you
Erik? I mean how can ever achieve my dream of being part of the Renegades Of
Coolness? Erik I want to be just like you. I want to be bald like you. I want to
have a lame sense of humor like you. I want my lips permanently placed on Hen's
ass. I want to be a mediocre wrestler with my only real achievement due to the
face that Tepper always thought bald men were sexy. I want to be part of the
Renegades Of Coolness...........WAIT...what the fuck am I talking about. Erik
Olson is nothing more than Hen's glorified lackey aka Hen's bitch. What's that
Erik? I can't hear you; Hen's ass is in your mouth. Erik you can try and tell us
that you were the greatest wrestler the business has ever seen...wait a second
have you been watch Chris Staggs's old promos? Forget it... Anyway Erik,
give us a fucking break on this bullshit. It was bad enough when Pete Ebdon was
here ,but do we need another carbon copy cut out of the cocky gimmick? Then
again you are like half of the roster...you don't have a ounce of originality in
your body, so we get these recycled gimmicks. Erik Olson now you and Hen won the
tag team match but what did you exactly do? You stood there like Hen's bitch and
let him pin Strick for the one, two, three. See Erik you will never be the
supposedly the best in the business cause lackeys can never be the best in the
business. Erik you can try and deny it ,but don't fight it anymore. You know
acceptance is the first step to recovery. So now stand up and look in the
mirror and repeat after me " I , Erik Olson, am Hen's lackey". Now doesn't that
feel good? Doesn't that feel like the weight has been lifted off your shoulders?
Now you can quit living a lie and become the best lackey that you can be. Erik,
I know you are thinking who the hell does he think he is? You are saying you are
no lackey. HA! All we have to do is look at Hen's last couple of promos. You
have done every thing for him. You were impersonating Mr. Clean in Las Vegas for
crying out loud. Yeah you can try to play it off as it was for the money making
scheme for the tag team. If that was the case then why the hell didn't Hen
impersonate a gay porn star? Hell you could use Hen's twin brother Jim Rooster
to impersonate Good Ole' Jim Ross. No it was YOU doing the idiotic lackey type
shit. If that isn't enough facts then you even have a fucking gimmicky
thing you always do...drink chocolate milk. Wake up Erik and realize that you
are a lackey that is going to get the living hell knocked out of him by most
possibly the dumbest wrestler every to step foot in the SWF. Now that I
have set you straight well straight on the facts I guess now you don't have to
remove your lips from Hen's ass and try to make a pathetic comeback promo trying
to deny the truth. Oh and Hen wants you to buy some chap stick before you return
to your spot.
Hen
Well Hen I just finished verbally ripping your
glorified lackey. Now you say that you are the rightful number one contender.
Ha! Nope Hen you are not that is why you are facing Chris Staggs. See Hen screw
jobs are part of the business. Chris Staggs got a screw job at Sinners & Saints.
Do you see him crying about it? NO! He has moved on and forgotten about the
screw job.
Greg The Perky T.G.I Waiter
How the fuck did this fag get back into SWF. Oh yeah
Chris Staggs. Though SWF don't blame Chris Staggs for he is too stupid to come
up with something so clever. Greg is back and I guess the fag is going to get
own the nerves of everyone....God I need a shot of bourbon right now.
Summing It Up
Erik basically your lackey ass is nothing more than a
bug flying straight toward the windshield aka Chris Staggs. Which means one way
or another Chris Staggs is going to be wiping you all over the place. Erik Olson
your lackey ass will be owned and not Hen's playful owning either. ( Camera fades in as we see Chris
Staggs walking behind Chris Naggs. Chris Staggs has his hand over his eyes as he
walks forward toward what looks to be a television studio. Chris Naggs enters
the building and helps Chris Staggs into the building. They walk down a hallway
into a studio. We see a comfy chair with a spotlight shining on it. Chris Staggs
sits down. ) [Chris Staggs:] Can I open my eyes? [ Chris Naggs: ]
I never told you to shut them in the first place [Chris Staggs:] Fo Sho!? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Fo sho... ( Chris Staggs opens his eyes and looks
scared. ) [Chris Staggs:] I didn't do
it....... [ Chris Naggs: ]
WHAT!? [Chris Staggs:] I didn't see a
thing. [ Chris Naggs: ]
What are you talking about? [Chris Staggs:] Well the last time
I was at a place like this was when you and that little girl-- [ Chris Naggs: ]
OKAY OKAY!!! This isn't that place [ Chris Staggs: ] What place is
it?! [ Chris Naggs: ]
Well.................. ( THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!) [ Chris Staggs: ] AGH!!!!! ( Chris Staggs hides behind the chair ) [ Chris Naggs: ]
Damn what now?
[ Chris Staggs: ] God is back. [ Chris Naggs: ]
That is the narrator
[ Chris Staggs: ] Oh JUSTIN
SANE!!!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
NO he is your narrator [ Chris Staggs: ] FO SHO!? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Fo sho. ( Idiot.. ) [ Chris Staggs: ] Hey! ( Anyway Chris, this is your life ) [ Chris Staggs: ] So? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Wait Chris [ Chris Staggs: ] Fo sho. ( Do you remember this voice? ) ( I remember Chris Staggs when he
walked into my classroom with that goofy smile and inside out shirt on. I knew
he would become an idiot ).
[ Chris Naggs: ]
The fuck?!. ( You know who this is?) [ Chris Staggs: ] Umm no? ( ITS YOUR FIRST GRADE TEACHER SISTER
PARKER!!!!) [ Chris Staggs: ]
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
What do you mean no? [ Chris Staggs: ] She hit me with a
ruler every day!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
Okay? ( Sister Parker walks out as Chris
Staggs hides his hands ) [ Chris Staggs: ] .I be good
boy [ Sister Parker: ]
Its I am a good boy ( Sister Parker slaps Chris Staggs's
arm with a ruler as Chris Staggs begins to pout ) [ Chris Naggs: ]
That went smoothly ( Kiss my ass....Chris Staggs do you
remember this voice? ) ( Chris was the only player to score
twice for the other team. ) [Chris Staggs:] Scooby Doo?! [ Chris Naggs: ]
WHAT THE FUCK!? Its people you know. [Chris Staggs:] Okay.......Fat
Albert [ Chris Naggs: ]
Those are cartoons!!! [Chris Staggs:] So!? [ Chris Naggs: ]
You can't know cartoons!!! [Chris Staggs:] I met Snoopy at
Snoopy On Ice last month. ( Chris Naggs slaps his forehead ) [Chris Staggs:] So is it Fat
Albert? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Huh!? NO ITS NOT A CARTOON!! [Chris Staggs:] Oh umm Queen of
England? [ Chris Naggs: ]
You don't know the Queen of England [Chris Staggs:] Fo Sho? . [ Chris Naggs: ]
YES!!!
[Chris Staggs:] Michael Jackson? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Jesus Christ!!!. [Chris Staggs:] HIM!? JESUS
CHRIST!!!. [ Chris Naggs: ]
No!1 Just send him out ( THIS IS YOUR PEE WEE FOOTBALL COACH
JONES!!! ) [Chris Staggs:] YAY!!!! [ Chris Naggs: ]
You know him and like him ? [Chris Staggs:] Yep he always would
yell things then fall fast a sleep during the game [ Chris Naggs: ]
Great the only person he knows and likes is a damn drunk. ( Still is he is passed out back here.
I think we should skip to the slide show. ) [Chris Staggs:] Can we show this on
camera? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Why not?. [Chris Staggs:] Don't you go to
those slides show late at night? [ Chris Naggs: ]
That's a peek sho......that is not a slide show. [Chris Staggs:] Fo Sho? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Yeah!? ( Do you remember this Chris? )
[Chris Staggs:] JD LAWSON
RULES!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!. ( That is you Chris. ) [Chris Staggs:] You sure? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Yep [ Chris Staggs:] That looks a lot
like JD Lawson [ Chris Naggs: ]
Trust me that is you. [ Chris Staggs:] Okay.........but
that looks like JD Lawson to me. ( Do you remember this guy? )
[ Chris Staggs:] Is that me? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Yep... [ Chris Staggs:] Excuse me... [ Chris Naggs: ]Why?
[ Chris Staggs:] I look like I got
to go potty in that picture [ Chris Naggs: ]
That was taken this summer [ Chris Staggs:] I been holding it
in for awhile then! [ Chris Naggs: ]
You used the bathroom this morning [ Chris Staggs:] Oh YEAH!!! ( Do you remember this picture )
( OOPS WRONG PIC!!! ) [ Chris Staggs:] Petey looks
happy!!! ( Yes he does, do you remember this
picture
[ Chris Staggs:] Dat me? [ Chris Naggs: ]
Umm yeah [ Chris Staggs:] I can play the
drums? [ Chris Naggs: ]
I guess so. ( Chris Staggs gets up and starts to
leave ) [ Chris Naggs: ]
Where are you going? [ Chris Staggs:] I want to play my
drums. ( Chris Staggs waves and skips out of
the studio ) [ Chris Naggs: ]
I am glad this is the last 100th promo we have to do ( Until the 200th promo ) [ Chris Naggs: ]
Don't say that.......that is just plain frightening.
( YAY 100 PROMOS!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO
) ( END PROMO |
