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"From the Ghetto To The Old School House" ( I got the look of the old school. I got my member's only jacket in five different colors. I got my parachute pants in three different sizes...regular, baggy, and MC Hammer. I got my Adidas kicks with no scuff marks. I got four different Scooby Doo clock chains set for each time zone. I'm owning the old school look. Now I got the old school attitude. My mind plays music like a XM radio. Old School music non-stop all the time. I got LL Cool J's "Momma Said Knock You Out" right now going in my head to get me in the mood for my pay per view match. Though I don't have the old school insults and lingo that I need. I can be old school ,but I can't go old school on you. I plan on fixing that. I only have one more day till the pay per view and today I am definitely going to fix that problem. Though right now my momma's calling and I ready to knock you out...) "Hooked On Phonics for television watching" ( Alex, I wished they made this cause you really do need it. You didn't understand anything I said. That is okay I had the same problem when I read a book. Though I don't think you can't understand. You probably didn't want to comprehend what I said in my last promo cause it wouldn't fit into your big and bad act you are trying to do. You wanted to twist my words so you could basically say the same thing. I'm a nobody, I'm boring, nobody notices me. Whateva FO SHO! Or maybe you just don't understand the meaning of sarcasm. First you don't know what a video tape is and now you don't know the meaning of sarcasm. Wow those drugs must really be killing those brain cells by the hundreds. You really believe I said IW is full of nobodies. I was being sarcastic. Oh wait do I need to break out the Webster's dictionary for you? Sheesh and you said I had a mind of a six year old. At least I get sarcasm when someone uses it. Am I going to have to tell when I am using sarcasm? Anyway you are right Alex I am not facing Tony Millennia or Regan Chambers ,but it is exactly the same type person. They are drug addicts just like you. They parade it in their promos hoping to get street cred. I'm starting to feel like if the IW ever invoked a drug test I would be the only one to pass it. That isn't filler either. You say I am just random stuff. Hey I can't help it that you are too messed up in the club to listen to the Nelly lyrics. Alex, you think you are cutting edge cause your promos are drug scenes? I don't care if I wanted to see that I got the Scarface DVD at home. You know every ghetto fabulous person or now old school guy has to have Scarface DVD in his crib. It is another ghetto rule. Alex, the only reason people notice you is that your have the Luciano last name. That is it. If not people would just figure you are another guy trying to act cool by showing themselves doing drugs. You see how cool L.O.A. is. Sure you won some world titles I have too. You basically say the hall of fame isn't anything. Yeah it isn't anything. That was sarcasm, Alex. Heck you were in the SWF Hall of Fame. So I'm surprised you said that. I mean according to you if you are part of it then it is the greatest thing ever. Whateva FO SHO! So now you insult me for being nice? I can't help that people like me. I don't play up to them. I just am myself and they like it. Alex Luciano you really need to get off the drugs because it is effecting your memory. You claim that I'm ashamed of my past. We all have skeletons in our closet ,but I leave the door open. Though it is not like it effects me. I mean if it did I would have gotten real angry the first four times someone tried that. Heck Dude Job even did you one better. He provided them a tape of my first promo in the SWF. Alex you think you are original by pointing out my past. Get in line. Heck someone else done it before and done it better at that. It doesn't bother me ,because I'm not that guy anymore. I'm different. I'm just a nobody that is a former IW World Champion, IW InterNational Champion, IW Tag Team Champion. Note the sarcasm there. Alex I do apologize for getting your tag team partner wrong in the Pink Ponies. I won't take back my apology this time. Then again what does it matter you didn't catch it last time. You see the problem was it is hard to remember a tag team that lasted two weeks tops. No one remembers the television show Daddio. I can't help it you can't remember the tag match you were in. Blame it on the drugs. Next time I will dig through the tapes and spend a bunch of time reliving the past. Then proceed to recall every match down to the detail and say I remember it just cause I was there. After that I will then call you a nobody. That makes sense. Again Alex note the sarcasm. I don't have that kind of time especially if I am facing a nobody. I got cartoons to watch, moles to whack, people to see. You argued with every point I made except one. The point that I defeated you last time we faced one on one. So I was wrong that you didn't run off to the TZW after my victory. So I didn't get the facts exactly right. Something that you didn't get right either. I was part of the TZW but it was the last week it was open. Wow! I was part of a federation you were champion of for less than a week. I can't help the fed closed before I even wrestled my first match. Then you say I am not the same caliber wrestler that you were in the SWF cause I wasn't facing the people you were? I don't know many federations that you can join and get a world title shot that next week maybe you could have in the W3. You "retired" two weeks after I joined the SWF. Yeah you say I'm fibbing but you are just as guilty. It doesn't matter cause you will be gone after the pay per view. See Alex you may have never been part of an IW world title tournament or tag team tournament ,but I never said that. There you going to twisting my words to fit your big and bad act. I just said world title tournament and tag team tournaments. That means IWF and SWF. You know you can keep the big and bad act up. You will just be another cocky wrestler that loses to me. Go back to the club. We don't need another drug addict. " Losing the world title match?" ( The second round I will probably face either L.O.A. or Shawn Jackson. If L.O.A. loses that means yet another drug addict. Geez I really need to see if we can have D.A.R.E. classes here in the IW. The world champion is another drug addict. What happened to you? You went from being Lion Of Athens to a drug addict? I bet it was hanging around Johnny O. too much. He drove you to drugs didn't he? The guy is annoying. He killed my weenie dog. I will never like him because of that. The guy has managed more wrestlers than all the Scooby Doo cartoons that I have watched. LOA you need stop the drugs. You are just a downer. You mope around and let that Sinn girl nag you. If you lose the world title. I am sure you will be too messed up to even feel like wrestling two more matches. Oh well you better not lose or your dealer profits will go up. ) " Blame it on the rain" ( Shawn Jackson has blamed his world title loss on everything. Though I better not make him made or he might take a rap song and insult me. He is just Weird Al with an attitude. I better not make him angry though he might take MTV's Direct Effect number one song from last night and parody on me. I'm scared. Oh my gosh another sarcastic statement there for you Alex. Yeah Shawn, Alex is murking me. Whateva Lil Wayne. Go jack Justin Sane STUFF some more. You can't believe I was world champion? You defeated Brent Kersh. He was retiring. Then again why should I care what you think. You're nothing more than a wife beater. Wow you are so cool you can beat up a girl. Sarcasm alert you hear that Alex? My gosh so our world champion is going to be either a wife beater or a drug addict? That isn't very comforting. Whoever loses this match definitely doesn't need another chance at the world title. ) ( Chris Staggs has finally got the look and the attitude for an old school dude. Now all he needs is the talk to back it up. Chris Staggs is now seen in Chinatown part of Cleveland well okay maybe not Chinatown ,but there are a bunch of Asians. Chris Staggs is walk down the street as Chris Naggs and Greg The Perky T.G.I. Friday's Waiter try to keep their distance from the fool. ) Chris Naggs: Chris why are we in this part of Cleveland? Chris Staggs: Old school yo. Chris Naggs: That made no sense. Chris Staggs: I gotta learn how to go old school on people. Chris Naggs: So we come here? Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Chris Naggs: Why? Chris Staggs: This dude is like an Old School Lyricist Assassin. Chris Naggs: Fine. Chris Staggs: No cool. ( Chris Staggs finally stops at an alley. They turn and proceed down the alley till they reach a door. Chris Staggs knocks twice as a guy from inside slides open a slot at the door. ) Doorman: Password? Chris Staggs: Yo momma. ( The guy closes the slot and opens up the door. The three proceed in. Just then a guy walks into the room. ) Chris Naggs: Who is this? Chris Staggs: Dustin Yu. He is going to teach me how to go old school on people. Chris Naggs: He's Asian. Chris Staggs: You know not everyone has to be black. Chris Naggs: But I thought you were wanting to be old school. Chris Staggs: Dude Asians are old school. Chris Naggs: Fine. Dustin Yu: You straight up whack. Chris Naggs: He speaks broken English. Chris Staggs: Shhhh I'm trying to learn. Chris Naggs: Wait a second Justin Yu spoke perfect English. Chris Staggs: Dustin is Justin's long lost adopted brother. Chris Naggs: Wha? Nevermind. Dustin Yu: Yo sooooooooooooooooooo stupiddddd. Chris Staggs: OH SNAPZ! HE CALLED YOU STUPID! Chris Naggs: I don't care. Dustin Yu: Homey don't play that. Chris Staggs: Yeah homey don't play that. Dustin Yu: Fresh. Chris Staggs: Will Smith? Dustin Yu: Just Fresh. Chris Staggs: FO SHO!? ( Dustin Yu smacks Chris Staggs with a ruler ) Dustin Yu: No FO SHO! Yes Fresh. Chris Staggs: FRESH! Dustin Yu: That tight. Chris Staggs: What is tight? My pants aren't tight. Anyway I need to be able to insult people. Dustin Yu: Yo momma. Chris Staggs: Yeah that is the password. Dustin Yu: No Yo momma. Chris Staggs: What about my momma? Dustin Yu: Yo mama sooooooooooo stupid she think a quarterback is a refund. Chris Staggs: WHAT!? My momma isn't stupid. Though I can see where she could be confused. Dustin Yu: Yo mama soooooooooooo fat she lay on beach and people run around yelling Free Willy. Chris Staggs: My momma doesn't look anything like Free Willy and she isn't fat she just has a few extra pounds. Stay away from my momma Missle. Dustin Yu: Yo mama sooooooo ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get dog to play with her. Chris Staggs: Now that is just low. It's go time. ( Chris Staggs pulls off his members only jacket as Dustin Yu gets in his Karate Kid fighting stance. Chris Naggs breaks it up. ) Chris Naggs: He wasn't insulting you Chris. He was showing you how to insult people. Chris Staggs: Fresh!? Chris Naggs: Yes. Chris Staggs: Oh my bad. Dustin Yu: You try. Chris Staggs: Yo momma soooooooooo dumb she failed a spelling bee. BURN!!! ( Dustin Yu just looks at him in disappointment. ) Dustin Yu: You got internet? Chris Staggs: Fresh! Dustin Yu: Go to http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_momma_jokes.html and copy them. Chris Staggs: FRESH! Dustin Yu: Now go in world and go old school on people. Chris Staggs: I'm too legit to quit. ( Chris Staggs then bows to Dustin Yu and proceeds out the door as he begins to grin ) Chris Staggs: Dude I know my old school level is off the charts now. I know I am the coolest guy in the IW by far. Chris Naggs: Yeah getting a bunch of weird relatives from former FWF stars to make you cool sounds like a great idea. Chris Staggs: Was that sarcasm? Chris Naggs: Yep. Chris Staggs: Well let's just see how old school I am. OLD SCHOOL LEVEL:
THE FOUNDING FATHERS!!! Chris Staggs: BOOM YA!!! IN YA FACE!!!! I'M OLD SCHOOL!!!! ( END PROMO )
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