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"From the Ghetto To The Old School House" ( Dude I look awesome. You wouldn't believe the stares I get when I walk down the streets. They can help but stop and stare. I can tell they never seen anyone so old school. They were almost speechless. You can tell people are starting to notice me. I heard them whisper to each other how they are jealous of my looks. Who wouldn't be? I mean who else has their own Scooby Doo clock on a chain around their neck? Who else can pull off the parachute pants and members only jacket? Only an old school guy can. I know I'm getting closer to being the coolest guy in the IW. So I got the old school look obviously. Yet I still am not completely old school. Looks only take you so far. Then you have doing something. Right now I don't feel the old school running through my body. I don't have the urge to bust a move. I don't have the attitude of the old school down. I don't know how to spit old school insults at you ,but by the time the pay per view rolls around don't you think for a second I won't be the coolest guy in the fed. I don't know the lingo to make me old school. I don't know what FO SHO! Is in old school speak. Don't worry though I got help. They are like Old School Eye for the Ghetto guy. They will get me old school in less than a week or my money back. It pays to watch infomercials. Heck not only am I going to be the coolest guy in the fed but I bet I am the only one with stainless steel knives. Those things never dull. They have a lifetime warranty on them. Heck Corey Feldman gave his own guarantee on them. Anyway old school is on the way just as I get ready for my first round opponent Alex Luciano. ) "Am I crying? No more confused then anything" ( I'm sorry Alex, if you thought that your comments were going to make me cry, then you were wrong. The comments left me more confused then anything. You send more mix messages then the purple teletubby. I mean first thing you say that I'm a nobody. Well I mean if I was a nobody why did you go back four or fives years to dig up dirt on me? If I was a nobody why would you waste that much time. You could be watching cartoons or something. Though if that is how you treat nobodies then when you do face somebody do you bring up their whole life? Well I hate to break it you Alex ,but I have an IW Best Babyface award and SWF Hall of Fame place that says I'm a somebody. Alex, you still think I'm a loser cause I didn't win matches in the FWF? So what. Jeremy Riley was right about politics. You said I was only the world champion during a terrible SWF era? So what. I still held the title. Something some people can't say. Though you seem surprised that I can remember matches before my accident. I don't know why? Oh wait you must be one of these guys that isn't up to date with new inventions. I mean you haven't ever heard of the video tape? Oh it is really cool and I don't know if you know this Alex but they tape the shows and broadcast them over the television. It's really awesome cause now millions of people see us. Heck I record every show I'm on. I got a bunch of my tapes. If you want I can let you borrow them sometime. You see I figured I would get them to see what I was like back then since Dude Job, Jason Rothchild, and JD Lawson tried insulting my past too. So I was boring before my accident, I still won the SWF World Championship as a boring person. Oh wait since you left the federation it doesn't mean anything. So the IW and SWF where nothing for the longest time even when you had people like Memphis Gray and JD Lawson, which I have defeated both, running around. That seems too cocky and you still haven't taken your band-aid off. Alex, you can say I fought nobodies yet I kept getting world title shots. Yeah I held all the titles except the Overdrive Title by fighting nobodies. That makes sense. IW is full of nobodies. Then again I have been in the federation for awhile. That was bound to happen, right? I guess so ,but I never seen The Flying Hector Brothers win a title and they have been here for ages. What is wrong with being in the IW and SWF for a long time? I think it is cool. They help pay my Chuck E. Cheese habit. Yet you knock me for being on and off with the IW and SWF? I don't know why you are pointing out that cause the only time you join back is when there is a World Title tournament or a Tag Team Title tournament taken place. Yeah the tag team tournament remember the Pink Ponies. Yeah that was when Grady and I defeated you and Skitzo. You must have forgot that match since you never heard of a video tape before. Though I have good news for you ,Alex, you did defeat me, I never said I won all the matches. I said the last time you faced me you lost. You remember you complained about me doing two promos for some odd reason. I can't help you only cut one promo. That was before you ran off after the loss and became TZW World Champion for a month till it shut down. What a great champion you made there. I heard Young Tyrell is still scared of you. That is okay Alex I guess I can't hold that against you. I mean after all you were trying to act big and bad by trying to said I was making stuff up. On second thought I don't know why I am apologizing to you. I mean you won't be here long anyway. Once you lose in the tournament you will just quit like you done before. So I'm not scared of you. You talk big till you lose your first match and then you are out of here faster than Shaggy and Scooby Doo out of a room after seeing a ghost. Alex, you were once respected back when the SWF reopened ,but you have pulled so many Kyle Broadway's and Joey Johnson's that people start to wonder is he going to stay. This is your fourth or fifth return? That is why people don't listen when you say you are the new overseer. You see the slaves don't care they are relaxin' watchin' cartoons. Go pick your own cotton cause the slaves aren't scared of you. Thanks ghost writer for that line.. ) Chris Naggs: You have a ghost writer? ( No....I was talking about Ghostwriter from the show on PBS. He came up with that line. He wrote it on the note pad and everything. He is also doing the script for Real World Philadelphia. ) ( Chris Staggs is seen with his old school outfit on walking down the street. Some people stop and stare while others snicker when Chris Staggs walks past them. Chris Staggs just bobs his head to the music inside his head. The track playing right now in his head is "Go DJ" by Lil Wayne. Chris Naggs and Greg The Perky T.G.I. Waiter just follow him as just then Chris Staggs stops at an apartment. ) Chris Naggs: Why are we stopping here? Chris Staggs: Do you not want me to be the coolest guy in the IW? Chris Naggs: I really don't care if you are the coolest or not. Just as long as you keep winning. Chris Staggs: Well if I am the coolest then I will win all the time. Greg The Perky T.G.I. Friday's Waiter: FO SHIZZY. Chris Staggs: No....FO SHO! Chris Naggs: Well what does the apartment have to do with making you school. Chris Staggs: Nothing. Chris Naggs: Huh? Chris Staggs: The guy inside will make me old school. Chris Naggs: I didn't mean the actual apartment. Chris Staggs: It's cool we all ask stupid questions once in a while. Chris Naggs: It wasn't stupid. Chris Staggs: Keep telling yourself that. Chris Naggs: Can we go in? Chris Staggs: If he is at home. Chris Naggs: Can we hurry up. ( We are in the apartment.) Chris Naggs: Did you have to edit that part? Chris Staggs: You said hurry up. Chris Naggs: Fine, who is this guy? Hustla Byrd: My crew call my Hustla Byrd. Chris Naggs: Who? Hustla Byrd: You may know my brother from a different mother...Busta Byrd. Chris Naggs: Of course. Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Hustla I need help. Hustla Byrd: Peep it, it's cool. I know your problem. Chris Staggs: FO SHO!? Hustla Byrd: Yeah I can hook you up with a fixed satellite card tomorrow. Chris Staggs: Huh? Hustla Byrd: Wait you aren't here about the satellite cards? Chris Staggs: What do you mean fixed satellite card? Hustla Byrd: You know you get all the channels on the satellite but only pay for the basic package. Chris Staggs: DUDE! Why didn't we pick that when we signed up for Dish Network? Chris Naggs: Cause they don't offer it. Chris Staggs: Dude they do too. Why would he have it if they didn't? Chris Naggs: Cause it is illegal. Chris Staggs: FO SHO!? Chris Naggs: Yes. Chris Staggs: Dude buy it. Get thuggish. Chris Naggs: No. Chris Staggs: Why not? I will pay for it since I got paid for my match last week. Chris Naggs: You are on television. Chris Staggs: So? Chris Naggs: That is a video tape and the police can watch it. Chris Staggs: Maybe the police are like Alex Luciano and never heard of it. Chris Naggs: NO! Chris Staggs: Fine be that way. Hustla Byrd: If you are not here for the cards then why are you here? Chris Staggs: I need to be old school. Hustla Byrd: Oh you were the honkey that called me about making you old school. Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Hustla Byrd: Old School is an attitude. You just have to feel it. Chris Staggs: How do I feel it? Hustla Byrd: Old School is keepin it real. It is beat boxin' at the corner. It's breaking out the cardboard and breakin'. Chris Staggs: FO SHO!? Hustla Byrd: You have feel the music. Chris Staggs: What music? Hustla Byrd: The music in your head. Chris Staggs: GO DJ GO DJ GO DJ! Hustla Byrd: Whoa that is your problem. Chris Staggs: Lil Wayne? I have no beef with him. Hustla Byrd: No your music selection. You aren't going old school. Chris Staggs: Oh. Hustla Byrd: You ever heard of Rapper's Delight by the Sugarhill Gang? Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Hustla Byrd: Just listen to that in your head ( Chris Staggs stares out into space as he then begins to move side to side and nodding his head up and down. ) Hustla Byrd: You're starting to feel it. Chris Staggs: A hip to hop a hip hip hop. Hustla Byrd: Let loose. ( Hustla Byrd throws down some cardboard as Chris Staggs begins to pop lock it in the middle of the apartment. Chris Staggs now is breakin' down hard. He pop locks into the robot now drops down for the worm. Chris Staggs now does a head stand and begins to spin into a comfortable sitting position. ) Hustla Byrd: You got the attitude dog. You know feel it. Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Thanks dude. ( Chris Staggs, Chris Naggs, and Greg The Perky T.G.I. Friday's Waiter are outside ) Chris Naggs: What in the world. Chris Staggs: We had to get the fixed card someway. Chris Naggs: Idiot you are still on television. Chris Staggs: The police are too scared of me. I'm old school like a villain. Chris Naggs: Right. Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Check my old school level. OLD SCHOOL LEVEL
FUNKY COLD MEDINA!!! Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Almost there. ( ENP PROMO ) |
