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"From the Ghetto To The Old School House" ( FO SHO! I won my first match since I was rehired by the IW.. I won the war on drugs. Well at least I helped show Tony Millennia that drugs are bad. Also maybe I hurt Al Quaeda in the process. I don't know. All I care about right now is that I got paid. I got the lights back on. I got the television back on and I finally got to go back to Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah that whack-a-mole didn't stand a chance. I was racking up the prizes like I was robbing the place. I was actin' thuggish. Now I guess that means since I got money I can't be ghetto anymore. Sure I am still soooooooooo icy. Sure I got the kids blingin' the Scooby Doo chains that they bought on the street corner ,but I can't be from the ghetto. I'm rich. I can't do Dave Chappelle quotes. Though that doesn't mean my street cred isn't still there. You know the Cookie Monster still doesn't dare reach for my cookies. You know Oscar wouldn't dare hate on me. So if I can't be ghetto that doesn't mean I can't be old school. I mean old school is cool now. Look at the throwback jerseys. Yeah I can be cool that way. Heck I am already representin' with the old school LL Cool J hat. I am going to be soooo old school that Olde Man Rivers seems young. Well okay maybe not that old ,but you know what I mean. Though how do I look old school? What kicks do I need to dust off? What shirt to I need to where? What kind of pants do I need? I need the look before I go onto the next. How do I act old school? Do I watch Yo MTV Raps non-stop and dare miss my Scooby Doo episodes? Do I break out the MC Hammer CD? Do I visit the rappin' grandma? She does make some great M&M cookies. Do I borrow Andrew Davis LITE's Dakota Interloper 3000 and go back in time to learn to be old school? I couldn't do that. Have you seen all the buttons in that car? I wouldn't know where to start. Lucky for me though as I try find out how to be old school. I have an opponent from the old school in Alex Luciano. He was in the SWF with me a lonnnnnng time ago like two years ago. ) "If you are the "Sycho Kid" does that mean you live at the Bates Motel?" ( If you do then you are a whole lot braver then I am. I mean have you seen that movie? I wouldn't ever take a shower. Then again I doubt you live in the Bates Hotel. You see Alex Luciano if you haven't changed I can guess what you are going to do. You are going to come out and call me dumb or retarded. So what? I have never claimed I was a genius. Heck I'm not a nerd. I'm straight thuggish. I never seen a nerd beat up a person as a matter of fact I don't know how much smarts it takes to beat down a person. Though as for being retarded, I think I would have some gold medals cause I would own the special Olympics. Anyway the committee said my IQ was too high to qualify for mentally handicapped. See Alex, I am going to 8 Mile you. I am going to tell you everything you say about me before you say it about me. You are going to call me a tired fad. I can't help people copied me at one time. Also I can't help the way I am. I can't help my love for Scooby Doo cartoons. I can't help my interest in Sesame Street. I can't help that I grew up in the projects of Calgary. I survived my share of ski-by shootings. I'm can't help it that I enjoy the simple things. I shouldn't apologize or explain myself to you. I need to quote Popeye in this case..."I am what I am" . Now Alex Luciano you have been out of wrestling for awhile. So people are going to think you have some rust. Well I am not one of them. I really don't think you have rust on you. Heck you aren't made of metal. You aren't the tin man. You don't rust. Though Alex Luciano I do know you. I know what you will try to do. You have done it every time you have faced me. I hate re-runs. You tried it the last time and it didn't work. You lost the match cause you tried to do the same thing. I might not be the smartest person but I can recognize a pattern Also I know you don't like me, Alex. Though I don't know why. I don't ever remember making you mad ,but if you want to be that way then I will give you something to be mad at me for. I will take away your shot at the world title. Though I will not steal it away from you cause I'm not a thief. I will just win the match. Heck I been doing that for months unlike you. Alex Luciano I am sure you think that you are going to advance in the tournament. Yeah that will happen when Santa Claus, I do mean the real one, not the spies that he has at the malls, comes down to visit you in the middle of the summer. You know he doesn't vacation in Ohio. He is in Jamaica right now. Alex Luciano, you can try and act big and bad but I know that I can defeat you. Why? Cause Big Bird told me I could. See Alex Luciano I want to win the world title for different reasons then the rest of the IW roster. Last time I won the world title it was for my buddy Jesus. He was tired of Memphis Gray being nothing but a bad influence on the kids. He was tired of the kids dropping the f-bombs. He was tired of the time-outs the kids had to endure. So I took the title from Gray. Though I didn't hold it long enough to have an effect. I am very mad at myself for that. I want to win the IW World Title again and prove to everyone that my last title reign was not an accident. I want to do it for the kids too. I want win to the World Title so I can be the coolest guy in the world. See all the wrestlers want to win the world title for the wrong reasons. It isn't for the fame or the glory. No, the IW World Title just makes you the coolest person in the world. Everyone stops to talk to you. Though now if I want to have a chance at winning the World Title then I am going to have to be the coolest guy in the IW. I am going to go throwback on you. I am going to have go retro on you. I'm going back to Cali, Cali, Cali ... Going back to Cali, stylin, profilin, growlin, and smilin. Yeah I'm going old school for the title. ) ( Chris Staggs is seen sitting in front of the television with a look of anticipation on his face while Chris Naggs and Greg The Perky T.G.I. Friday's doesn't look too happy. The camera pans over to the television of the Sudden Immortally III Preview playing. Just then Chris Staggs jumps up in the air celebrating ) Chris Staggs: WOOOOO!!! I MADE THE TOURNEY!!!! Chris Naggs: Everyone in the fed did. Chris Staggs: Party pooper. Chris Naggs: You have watched this preview a hundred times. Chris Staggs: It says SUBJECT TO CHANGE!! Chris Naggs: Hell you already talked about your opponent. Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Chris Naggs: So can we quit watching the preview. Chris Staggs: I need too. I need to find out how to be old school. Chris Naggs: You know old school isn't going to win you the title. Chris Staggs: FO SHO it is. Dude if I'm old school then I will be the coolest guy in the fed. Chris Naggs: So? Chris Staggs: So the coolest guy in the fed is the World Champion. ( Chris Staggs actually pauses and thinks for a second. ) Chris Staggs: Most of the time. Chris Naggs: Heh. Chris Staggs: I guess first I need to dress old school. Hmmm lets see. I need some old school kicks.
FO SHO! Chris Staggs: FO SHO!!! RED KICKS! I CAN DEFINITELY BUST A MOVE IN THESE KICKS! Greg The Perky T.G.I. Friday's Waiter: Ewww those are cute. Chris Staggs: Hmm what else. I need some help. Tyrone: Yeah old school is tha shit.. Chris Naggs: Who are you? And how did you get in here? Chris Staggs: That's Tyrone. Chris Naggs: Tyrone??? Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Tyrone: Not the FWF Tyrone. He's my second cousin twice removed.. Chris Staggs: FO SHO! He is old school ghetto. Tyrone: Sho nuff' Chris Staggs: Dude I need to dress old school. Tyrone: Slow your roll. First you need the shirt. Let's see...
STRAIGHT 80s Chris Staggs: FO SHO! Tyrone: Yeah you old school with that Member's Only Jacket. Chris Staggs: FO SHO! I'm the member of a cool club. Tyrone: You be keepin' real. Chris Staggs: Real as Santa Claus. Tyrone: Now some pants.....I GOT IT!
MC HAMMER AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' ON ME!!! Chris Staggs: I'm too legit to quit!!!!! ( Chris Staggs to break in to the running man. ) Tyrone: Whitey got some moves. Chris Staggs: I got some old school moves. Tyrone: You got the basic look not you need the accessories Chris Staggs: Huh? Tyrone: Bling Bling. Chris Staggs: FO SHO!
A Black Guy? Chris Staggs: You givin' me a black guy? Tyrone: No you foo'. The chain. Chris Staggs: Flava Flav style! Tyrone: Yeah. Chris Staggs: Dude I definitely look cool. Tyrone: Old School. Chris Staggs: Down to my Scooby Doo underwear. Tyrone: ................. Chris Staggs: Hey Chris, how do I look. Chris Naggs: Like Mr. Kool-Aid. Tyrone: BURN YO! Chris Staggs: Dude you just jealous since I'm so old school. Chris Naggs: Yeah that's it. Chris Staggs: Well what's next. Chris Naggs: Nothing. Chris Staggs: Why? Chris Naggs: You have three more promos. You need to stretch it out. Chris Staggs: FO SHO! ( END PROMO ) Chris Naggs: I didn't mean you have to end it now. Chris Staggs: Oh Well what about now? Chris Naggs: Fine. ( END PROMO ) Chris Staggs: WAIT!!!! Chris Naggs: What? Chris Staggs: I have to check my old school level. Chris Naggs: Your what? Chris Staggs: I want to see how old school I am. OLD SCHOOL LEVEL
THE JERRY CURL |
