Ride That Donkey Donkey: Getting In eHarmony..

Do you trust in yourself Chris Staggs?

Yes cause I am smart enough.

Do you trust in your ability?

Yes cause I am good enough.

Do you trust the fans to understand after what you do to Andrew Davis LITE?

Yes cause GOSH DARNIT! PEOPLE LIKE ME!

Do you trust anything else?

HECK NO! I CAN'T TRUST ANYTHING ELSE!

You know this one time in camp we did this trust exercise. We would climb up on this platform and close our eyes and fall backwards and hope that your friends would catch you. I am glad Miss Piggy was never in my group cause she would have dropped me and I would have busted my head. You see trust is a thing I lost. I can't really trust anyone anymore. The only one I can trust right now is my best friend Chris Naggs. Now I use to trust everyone. I used to think the world was a wonderful place. Boy was I wrong. I thought I could even trust a stranger and not get burned. Boy was I wrong. My world has been turned upside down. I don't even trust the clown at Jack In The Box anymore. How do I know that they aren't a drug crazed psycho wanting blood waiting for me at the drive thru window? I don't that is why I don't go to Jack In The Box anymore. The world has turned into a very bad place. It's like Oscar's trash can.

My trust was shattered three weeks ago when the bomb was dropped on me and I don't mean the Gap Band song either. You see three weeks ago when I took Miss Piggy to the hospital she admitted to me in the ride that she had been seeing someone else. Right then and there Scooby Doo turned into just another dog. The Care Bears seemed like hypocrites. Candy tasted like vegetables. My happy place was being raided by monsters and ghosts. My happy place was been taken over. I couldn't escape to my happy place without being scared poopless. Since the trust has been gone I haven't done anything fun. I just find myself sitting in the room planning my revenge on the people that took away my trust.

I mean I don't want to do it but I can't help myself. I can't help that I want to injure Andrew Davis LITE with a botched move of his own. I can't help that I want to smack that whore of a pig Miss Piggy upside her head. I can't help that I can't wait to get my hands on Andrew Davis LITE and squeeze the life out of him. That just isn't a normal feeling for me. Yet I have felt that way for three weeks now. I mean I have attacked Andrew Davis LITE on two different occasions and I have almost put his eye out once.  I guess at Dead Heat I finally I get to release all this built up hatred. That scares me though cause I never had this much hate for anyone before. My trust is gone but I do trust myself to get the job done. Andrew Davis LITE you will tap....you will tap like Mr. Bojangles.

Chris Naggs is seen sleeping as we see his door open. The camera pans over as we see Chris Staggs open the door and walk into the room. Chris Staggs walks up to the edge of the bed and looks down at Chris Naggs who is sound a sleep doesn't even move. Chris Staggs just stares at him. Chris Staggs stands there for a good five minutes as he then begins to clear his throat. Chris Naggs begins to stir. Chris Naggs opens his eyes and looks up.

"AGH!"

"AGH!!!!!!!"

"Why are you screaming?"

"You scared me"

"Whatever, anyway what do you want?"

"What is your plan for getting me a women to make Miss Piggy jealous."

"What time is it?"

"I think five in the morning."

"FIVE!? GET OUT OF HERE!"

"But what about the women?"

"Wait till I get up."

"Fine"

Chris Staggs walks out of the room.

FIVE MINUTES LATER....

Chris Staggs runs in screaming.

"AGHHHHHHHHHH MOUSE MOUSE!!!!"

Chris Naggs sits straight up.

"What the hell!?"

"Are you up?"

"Yeah what the hell is going on?"

"I thought I saw a mouse. It must have been my imagination. Though since you are up. What is your next plan on getting me a women."

"Fine I will tell you as it seems you are not going to leave me alone till I do."

"FO SHO!"

"I am going to do something that even a freak like you can get a date. We are going to do online dating."

"I am not dating a computer."

"You can't be this stupid"

"I don't know. You are the one wanting me to date a computer."

"Follow me to the computer"

Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs leave the room and head to the living room as Chris Naggs grabs the laptop and puts it on the table. He clicks around as he then comes up on a website.

"eHarmony is a site that sets up people on personality."

"FO SHO! As long as I don't get any freaks."

"Whatever, go ahead and describe yourself on here."

"I put 4 on the words I didn't know"

"Right now click continue and feel out the next page"

SIX PAGES LATER

"Alright done with the self description"

"Now do the physical characteristics."

"Isn't that about the same thing?"

"Just do it."

"NIKE!"

Chris Staggs continues on with hundreds of pages of questions as Chris Naggs stops him at number 28.

28. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential in your life and why? (Please be brief. Note: This answer will be shared with your matches.)

"You are seriously going to put that?

"FO SHO Cause he did!"

"Ugh forget carry on"

Chris Staggs continues to answer away as a again Chris Naggs stops Chris Staggs for a moment.

21. What are the THREE things for which YOU are the MOST thankful? (Please limit each answer to 20 words or less. These answers will be shared with your matches.)

"You can't be serious."

"FO SHO!"

Chris Staggs keeps on with the marathon of questions as Chris Naggs just looks at some answers in disbelief.

31. What are you most passionate about? (Please be brief. Note: This answer will be shared with your matches.)

Chris Naggs sighs as Chris Staggs struggles through this questions now on to Living Skills.

"How many more questions are there?"

"I don't know."

Finally after an hour and a half Chris Staggs finished the profile.

"Now where are the women?"

"You have to wait a bit for a match and they will email you."

"MORE WAITING!? I want a date by Dead Heat so I can make Miss Piggy jealous." 

"Just wait and see what happens"

"Fine till then I will just watch Scooby Doo or try to at least."

Chris Staggs stands up and grabs the remote. He flips on the television as he waits for his match to be emailed to him.

"Keep ignoring me like the popular clique but they will end up giving me their money"

Andrew Davis LITE, you can ignore that you knocked up Miss Piggy for only so long. At Dead Heat you will not be able to ignore me any longer. Heck you can try to distract me by the clones of Tommy Grady. Which is nothing more than rubbing salt in an open wound. You know that I can't stand Tommy Grady anymore after what he did to me last year. I put him out of wrestling. You know I hate him just as about as much as I hate you. Why would I care if he overdosed? Andrew Davis LITE you really have some nerve to say you bought that with my leftover contract money. You know I need that money and I after the match when I make you tap I am going to take child support from you. I am going to take over half your contract for pain and suffering you have caused me. That should be my baby Miss Piggy is carrying not some freak of a clone. Screw the courts I  am going to march up to Jimmy Luciano and demand that he give me half of your contract. You owe at least that much with for ruining my life ever since you screwed her. You owe me that for the kid you stole from me. He could be the next president of the United States for all we know. I could the daddy of a president. Yet no you had to go and have wild dirty monkey sex with Miss Piggy. You had to have your evil clone body on her. You are nothing more than an evil clone set out on making my life a living heck. Heck even Terminator wasn't even that determined. Andrew Davis LITE you are going to wish you wouldn't have ever put your hoo ha in her hoo hoo.

"Clone of Andrew Davis LITE!? Someone forgot to add creativity."

You are suppose to be the clone of Andrew Davis right? I thought Andrew Davis was a creative mastermind. I thought he turned a profit in the IWF when they were wrestling neighborhood to neighborhood. I thought he was the one that came up with the Dodgeballimination Rumble, you know the match that is sweeping the world. Heck I heard they were holding on with Budapest, India this week. I thought Andrew Davis was the man with a thousand gimmicks? He is the Sultan of Swing, the Daring Dictator of Dexterity, the King of Controversy, the Proprietor of Politics, Mr. Good Times. He was an original creative wrestling legend. Yet I don't know how in the world in the world you are the clone of Andrew Davis? I mean the most creative insult you can come up with is that I am worthless and that I know plenty about losing. Ouch I haven't heard that before. Memphis Gray is that you? Nayshawn Orange is that you? Andrew Davis LITE you claim to fame is that you botch moves. So you aren't good at wrestling, neither was Andrew Davis. Heck Andrew Davis LITE, you are nothing more than an Eric Roberts of Imperial Wrestling. You are going to be the less talent and less productive sibling or clone in this case of the family. You see Andrew Davis LITE, I don't really know why you came back to the past except to ruin my life. Heck maybe you came back to find some originality. If that is the case I heard Andrew Davis is at the Bingo Hall beating the elderly out of a 100 dollars a pop. Maybe you can get some pointers cause right now you are a disgrace to even carry the name Andrew Davis. I mean at least Andrew Davis creations in his promos had a purpose. What in the world is a 100 Tommy Grady's suppose to do? I mean I defeated the original and kicked him out of wrestling forever. He isn't ever coming back. EVAH! Andrew Davis LITE, you are a cheater and a failure. Andrew Davis LITE, not only am I going to prove that you are a less than filling Andrew Davis, but I am going to prove to Miss Piggy that I am the better man and she should have had my baby, not your baby.

"Lies ALL LIES!"

Who are you trying to fool here Andrew Davis LITE. You say you are a nice guy. Why in the world would you try to frame me for the murder of Cheesboro, the elephant? Huh? If you were such a nice guy you wouldn't have bought and killed an elephant just to give me a bad name. If you were such a nice guy you wouldn't have slept with Miss Piggy. You wouldn't have stole another guy's girl. You would have respected him enough not to do it. You Andrew Davis LITE are a very bad guy. You have done nothing to prove otherwise. You have invested the world with clones of Tommy Grady and Jayson Keller. Who in the world would do that except for a very bad guy. So you send people get well cards to guys you have injured. Whooping-FREAKING-Doo. I send get well cards to guys I haven't injured. Andrew Davis LITE if you were such a nice guy you wouldn't be spending my contract money. You know I had to buy my dinner last night with food stamps. You are about as nice as Scrooge McDuck. Andrew Davis LITE, you last promo hasn't done anything except further my hatred for you. You call my love of Muppets sick? Yet you go out and sleep with one? Now what exactly does that make you? A hypocrite that is what it makes you.

"Fozzy doesn't count"

You think that comment by Fozzy hurt my feelings? You couldn't be further from the truth. The bear is a two bit comedian who has had a secret crush on Miss Piggy since they were babies. Nanny told me this was true. Fozzy was just jealous that I was dating her. I don't know why he would help you though. You are the one that knocked her up ,but oh well. Fozzy can hate me now. I am Nas and he is nothing more a rapper trying to make a name by creating beef with me.

"ADMIT IT"

Your whole promo you seemed that you didn't know why I attacked you? You don't why I have beef with you. You don't know why I stabbed you in the eye with a home pregnancy kit? Are you that clueless? Are you Alicia Silverstone? You knocked up my EX-girlfriend Miss Piggy. You have a crazy hatred idiot coming after you. You think you can put me out with a botched move? Please I am going to one up you and NO SELL your botched move. Heck I no sold you once already, I can do it again. Andrew Davis LITE at Dead Heat, I am going to turn up the temperature on you.