Ride That Donkey Donkey: Getting Back on the Donkey.

I'm a nice guy ain't I? 

Yes you are.

I mean all the fans like me don't they?

Of course they do.

I never ever say a bad thing about anyone. 

Never, scouts honor.

Heck I am the friendliest wrestler on the roster. 

You are the Mr. Rogers of the IW.

Yet I can't help but say it....I HATE ANDREW DAVIS LITE! I hate him like I hate Brussels sprouts. I never have hated anyone before. Well you have Scrappy Doo but no one likes Scrappy Doo. So that is a wash. Sure I shouldn't have the feelings toward someone. Though it is hard when the guy knocked up your girl. I mean does it really appear that I am myself? I mean heck I "supposedly" killed his elephant. I repeat I didn't kill that elephant. It wasn't me. Yet I am labeled a killer especially by P.E.T.A. I then stabbed Andrew Davis LITE in eye. Well that was me. I admit it. He shouldn't have made a baby in Miss Piggy. He shouldn't have messed around Miss Piggy. I mean at the very least waited till the Trojan man visited him. You know him, the guy on that commercial that guys you protection. Why couldn't you have waited on him Andrew Davis LITE? 

My life now is messed up. I mean I can't even enjoy Scooby Doo anymore. I just sit there and act like a sour puss. I mean heck I am even listening to Adult Contemporary now. Yeah I traded in Cassidy for Michael Bolton. I don't know what is wrong with me. I mean ever since Miss Piggy told me she was stepping out on me, I haven't had the same fire I use too. Heck I didn't even care that I lost the number one contender's match to Avirez. I can't enjoy life anymore and that makes me sad. Not even the biggest M&M could make me smile. Miss Piggy has taken away my happy place. I know though how to get my happy place back....

Defeat Andrew Davis LITE at Dead Heat. Sure it won't change the fact that Miss Piggy cheated on me with him. Though it will help me accept that I am better than him. Also I would like to cause the same pain that he has caused me. You know how much it hurts not to care about a Scooby Doo cartoon anymore? Well you will this Sunday. Then I will show that whore of a pig that she just left the greatest guy ever. Who else can recite all the Sesame Street episodes word for word? Where is she going to find someone like that? No where. Not even in the future where Andrew Davis LITE is from.

Chris Staggs sat on the couch at the hotel in Miami, Florida staring at a blank television screen. Chris Staggs had a blank expression on his face with his mouth open as he was in another world. Though at that time Chris Naggs entered the room as he looked at Chris Staggs and just shook his head. 

"Staggs, as much as I like this peace and quiet for a change. I just can't sit here and watch you mop around. You need to get back on the horse?"

"I rode a horse? When?"

"It was just a saying."

"FO SHO! I didn't remember riding a horse unless you mean the one in front of Wal-Mart. That thing rocks!"

"Don't remind me. Anyway I think you should try dating again."

"And get cheated on again? NEVAH!"

"Well you could try dating a human for a change."

"She would still go for a clone."

"I'm pretty sure that won't happen. Anyway it would make Miss Piggy jealous."

"It would make her jealous well I like that."

"I thought you would like that."

"FO SHO! What are we waiting for? Let's go get a woman."

"First, you need some game"

"Dude I got that covered like my blanket."

"You do?"

"Yeah I got Candyland, Connect 4, Chutes N Ladders"

"I mean you need to learn how to be smooth with the ladies."

"Fo sho?"

"Let's see what you got."

Chris Staggs reaches in his pocket and pulls out two pennies, a nickel, and some lent.

"No much"

"I meant your game toward the ladies. How much game you got with the ladies."

"How we going to get that. We have no women here."

"Pretend I'm a girl."

"Fo sho."

"Show me how you would talk to a girl."

Chris Staggs looks at Chris Naggs and walks toward him then he walks out of the room.

"What the hell was that? Is that your game?"

"No"

"Then what was that?"

"I don't run my game on ugly chicks."

"What?"

"You are the ugliest women I've ever seen."

"Pretend I'm an attractive women."

Chris Staggs stands there looking at Chris Naggs and strains his eyes real hard as he begins to shake uncontrollably. Then he stops and sighs as he shakes his head. 

"I tried and I tried. I just can't make you an attractive women."

"Ugh"

"I can't help it you make an ugly girl"

"I can tell this is a waste of time."

"No it isn't. I want to make Miss Piggy jealous. I will just have to lower my standards."

  "Good wait HEY!"

"What?"

"Nevermind, let me here your line"

Chris Staggs closes his eyes and sighs as he then opens them and shivers as he walks over to Chris Naggs. Chris Staggs looks at Chris Naggs.

"Sup, how bout you and me play some Candyland."

"That was your line?"

"FO SHO!"

"It SUCKS!"

"It's not my fault it doesn't work on ugly chicks."

"Ugly or not, that still doesn't work."

"If you are so good with the ladies why are you ever with one?"

"Uh I'm just playing hard to get right now"

"Well Naggsy you are doing a great job cause I haven't seen a lady with in a mile of you lately."

"Errr maybe we should try a different way to find you a lady."

"What?"

"I don't think your game is going to pick up many women and the one you do pick up will get you 5 to 20."

"5 to 20 what?"

"Years in prison"

"I don't think I would find many women in there."

"No you wouldn't that is why we are going a different route."

"What route is that?"

"I will tell you later."

"Why later?"

"Because you have three more promos left. It is called stretching it out."

"Couldn't we just run a Scooby Doo cartoon."

"Just shut up."

"FO SHO!"

Chris Naggs glares at Chris Staggs for a moment then storms out of the room as Chris Staggs tries to smile as he glances over at the Candyland board game and then begins to look like he has just lost his puppy. Chris Staggs grabs his blanket and runs to his room. 

"ADL KILLED ADL'S Elephant"

I have been called a killer by many and I am not that. C4 you tree hugging hippie, I am not a killer. I can't help it that ADL framed me in the elephants death. P.E.T.A. you are going after the wrong guy. I mean didn't you see the footage. I was petting the elephant. I didn't do my evil laugh. I didn't look shifty. I was just trying to make friends with the elephant. I didn't kill that elephant. Why would I kill a new friend? You should be looking toward the clone. Yeah ADL you could have prevented this. You are the only one that can go back in time and change the events. Yet Mcfly here doesn't do a thing to bring the elephant back to life. You are the only one that I know that has gotten an elephant that is allergic to peanuts. I mean that is just cruel. You know elephants like peanuts.  What did I do to you anyway? Why are you trying to ruin my life? You cheat with my girl and frame me for elephant homicide. That is just wrong. You basically killed an elephant to frame me. You are messed up in the head. Wait is that how clones usually act. I mean I haven't met many clones in my life. I guess all clones could be whacked out of their mind. So who is truly the elephant killer? Andrew Davis LITE of course.

"You chose him over me?"

Miss Piggy what where you thinking? I mean how could you choose a clone over me? He isn't really a real human being. He is a clone. He isn't his own person. Heck if you are going to cheat on me, you could have done it with the original Andrew Davis. I am sure you could find him running some backyard fed somewhere or maybe playing dodge ball. Though you choose this freak. He looks like he belongs in the 1980s. He has the David Lee Roth haircut down pat. He wears tassels. TASSELS!!! JESUS CHRIST! Just rip my heart out now. Oh and did he wear his face paint on the date? He looks like a darn clown. You know what Miss Piggy you are one messed up pig. You could have stayed with me. We could have played Candyland till the sun came up. We could rock out to the new Aaron Carter CD. You know he beat Shaq. Yet no, you had to run to this 1980s clone reject and have his baby. I thought I knew you Miss Piggy. I thought an actress of your caliber wouldn't choose such a loser as Andrew Davis LITE. That is like Juila Roberts choosing Lyle Lovetts.  You know Chris Staggs is the most popular star in the IW. Heck I got the kids screaming my name. Heck I would be in the Main Event at Dead Heat if it wasn't for you. I could have gold if it wasn't for you. I know I could have taken that Mickey Mouse club fan Avirez, that worthless Nayshawn Orange, and well I already defeated Gray. Yet you had to go and tell me that you cheated on me right before I went out and faced Avirez. You threw me off my game for some clone with bad hair.  You make me sick Miss Piggy.

"HATE"

Yet Miss Piggy I still have those special Chute N Ladder memories in my heart. I still have feelings for you that are souring like a bad apple. I will show you at Dead Heat that you screwed up. Andrew Davis LITE, you are going to be the first person to experience my hate. Yeah I never really hated anyone I faced till now. Andrew Davis LITE the last couple weeks I have done things I would have never done. I "supposedly" murdered your elephant. Last week I stabbed you in the freaking eye with a home pregnancy kit. Andrew Davis LITE, you have made this personal when you took my woman and my future kid. That doesn't bother me as much as you aren't man enough to come out and admit you are Miss Piggy's baby daddy. You just sit there making no comment. No you are too busy spending my money. What the FOCK!? I don't know how I was put on the inactive roster when I showed up every week. Jimmy Luciano must have ate a bad meatball that day. Anyway Andrew Davis LITE you better have enjoyed that money cause at DEAD HEAT I am going to take out a 4.5 million dollar butt whoopin' out on you. I am going to make you tap. You see Andrew Davis LITE, you are the one that ruined my life most of all. You were jealous of my fame. You were jealous of my relationship. You were just jealous of me. You decided to steal my money, my wife, and my future kid. I am going to take that all back. I am going to prove to the kids that Chris Staggs isn't going to some push over you can run over. I have had enough of the abuse and I am going to plan on taking it back out on you. Heck at Dead Heat you won't even need your time machine car, I am going to personally knock back to a month ago. Back then you didn't "screw my girl" Back then you didn't take my money. Back then you weren't going to be a daddy. Andrew Davis LITE, you may take this lightly since everyone in the IW thinks I am just the lovable idiot that isn't much of a threat, but you screwed up when you made this personal. Dead Heat I am going to finally be able get my hands on you. This time there will be no cage separating us or another opponent to put up with. Finally I show Miss Piggy what a worthless clone you truly are.

>: |

Yeah I got mad facial expression and everything. That is the trend isn't it? Anyway Andrew Davis LITE you know I mean business now.  As for you Miss Piggy at Dead Heat when I have made your baby daddy tap out, I will look at you and just walk away. I can see why Kermit cheated on you. He knew you were nothing more than a slut. I guess I was just a little too slow to figure that out. Miss Piggy you are dead to me. You are nothing to me anymore. Candyland is off limits to you.