Monday nights I typically go to my friend Hook’s house to record.  I’ve written some songs and plan to put out a CD.  We record  until 10 o’clock when his wife goes to bed.  Then it’s off to close the Rainbow Bar.  I was pretty depressed due to my financial situation and did not want to record.  I sat and played my guitar at home.  I was broke except for the change I usually dump in a cup on my table.  

Monday nights have also been a ritual meeting time for Perry and I to drink beer at the Rainbow Bar.  I’ve been doing that longer than recording, so I know I’m depressed when I don’t go out for a couple (6 - 10) beers with Perry on a Monday night.  

After stewing in my self pity for a couple of hours I counted the coins in the cup where I throw my spare change and discovered there was over $10 worth.  This lifted my spirits enough to walk down to the bar.  I didn’t drink all my coins that night.  I kept enough to buy cigarettes the next day.  

I was also waiting to get paid.  One of my clients still owed me $2500.  With my checking and savings account balancing at $0.00 and no groceries in my apartment, I felt I may be forced to go on another fast.  This time it wasn’t to clean out my system, it would be because I was unable to buy food.  A cleaned out body would have been a nice side effect of my temporary financial ruins.

Tuesday, my wife and I met with our marriage counselor.  I wanted to cancel our appointment because we have a pay as you go arrangement with her.  The second last time we went we couldn’t afford to pay her either but we did catch up the last time.  We don’t seem to be getting anywhere with this counselor.  We made a little progress when we first started but have stagnated.  At the counselor’s request I went through a chemical health assessment at my HMO.  The results of the assessment and my drinking have been the focus of the last several sessions.  I’m on the edge of a drinking problem according to the “assessor”.  I’m suppose to schedule another appointment with her to touch base.  I’m not going to do it.  If I have to accept my wife the way she is then she has to accept me the way I am.

After our session at the marriage counselor I dropped my wife off at work.  I parked my car and proceeded directly to the mailbox to be disappointed there was not a check.  My wife and I are separated and I still get my mail where she lives.  So I stayed and played the piano for a little while.  I live 8 blocks from her now so walking between the two places eases some of my anxiety.

Wednesday, I spent the morning making phone calls.  I don’t remember who I all called but one call led to me to going downtown to do some CAD drafting for one of my clients.  I drove downtown, stopped and spent the 2 one dollar bills and a quarter on a pack of cigarettes on the way.  This left me with $2.25 in quarters in my pocket.  I was hoping to get a visitor spot at the building where I was going to work.  Well, the lot was jam packed with cars so I parked at a meter and fed it the last of my quarters.  I hoped I could finish what needed to be done before my time ran out.  All I would need is a $10 parking ticket.  I worked until 7:00.  It was way past getting a ticket.  I called my wife before heading to the car to find out if a check arrived in the mail.  Nope.  So I went to my car relieved and grateful there was NO ticket under the wiper blade.  I drove home wondering how I was going to deal with transportation the next day.  They wanted me to come back.

I suspected I still had some money in my checking account I could withdraw at an ATM.  I called the bank by phone number.  I was distressed to be told by that computer voice that my balance was $355.00 and neither of the $1181.00 in checks that I had sent out had cleared.  I started thinking that the bank dipped into my account to pay the past due loans I have with them.  I went to bed thinking both my rent checks were going to bounce.  (Yes, I’m renting 2 places because after I moved out I said I would pay my wife’s rent for the next couple of months until she gets a job and can take care of herself.)

I dug around in my stuff and found 2 old punch bus cards with $1.25 in 25¢ punches.  That meant I could take the bus downtown the next day and walk home.  I debated whether to call in and say I couldn’t make it.  I really wanted to march into the bank and accuse them of robbing me.

I woke the next morning and wrote my 3 pages of stream of consciousness drivel and decided to call in and not go to work.  I putzed around my apartment for most of the morning then walked over to my wife’s apartment to check the mail.  I went through my CD’s and selected a couple I could turn into cash and buy cigarettes.  I took “Dinosaur Jr.” and “The Cranberries”.  The CD store would not buy “Dinosaur Jr.” and they would only give me $2 for “The Cranberries”.  I accepted their $2, put “Dinosaur Jr.” Back in my pocket and headed straight to the Tobacco Shop.  The nicotine withdrawal was making me crazy. 

My wife would be at work so I figured I’d play the piano while I waited for the mail to arrive.  Fortunately it had come and there was a check for $122.65.  I used the last of my 25¢ punches to go to the bank and cash the check.  I inquired about my account and realized the bank had not credited my account with the $1200.00 deposit I had made.  It was money from my wife, a loan from our (really hers) sacred saving account.  I was relieved to walk out with my $122.65.  From there I proceeded to spend it all.

I immediately went to the “Transit Store”, spent $21 and bought 2 weeks worth of bus fare so I could get to work.  I returned home to get my car and took it to the gas station.  I had less than a quarter of a tank of gas.  (This was another issue I forgot to mention in my transportation dilemma…) It cost me $10.75 to fill it up.  The next stop was the grocery store where I spent $59.35 on food.  I was out of almost everything.  I don’t know what I would have eaten that night if that check had not shown up. I made a lasagna and offered to share it with my wife.  She accepted and I made dinner.  I took it over to her place.  After dinner we walked over to the new bread store by her apartment and I bought her and myself  bread.  Her financial situation isn’t any better than mine.  Being able to return the favor of dinner and some groceries felt good.  She fed me when I was in the same situation a few weeks back.  On my way over I stopped and spent $20 on a carton of cigarettes because I’ll be damned if I’m gonna beg for smokes on the street.  I was  inches away from doing that.  

The next day felt like the beginning of a new life.  I had work to do.  I knew I would eventually get paid.  There was food and cigarettes in my apartment and I had a full tank of gas in my car.  My wife called me that evening and said, “Your ships here…”  I was so relieved I almost cried.  I deposited my $2500 on my way to work the next day.  I also paid a couple of critical bills that weekend and now have a couple bucks in my jeans.