WELCOME TO THE PLEASURE DOME!!!

1) How would you, as a parent, and given any situation, reprimand your child verbally?

• A) Sit down or I'll drop ya!!
• B) Don't sass me boy or I'll smack ya with a golden biscuit!!!!
• C) I'm gonna be all over you like a hobo eatin a waffle!!!
• D) I'll feed you to the one legged bandicoots with kittens on their heads!!!

2) which would be the best title for the next mad max film set to appear in theaters in 2010?

• A) Mad Max and the freakishly grotesque hair growth problem.
• B) Mad Max and the Pleasure Dome
• C) Mad Max and bacon
• D) Mad Max vs Mayor McCheese

3) WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME!!!

• A) what?
• B) Welcome to the Pllleassure dome, yyeeeeaaa =)
• C) Wheres my golden biscuit?
• D) BISQUICK!!!!

4) Rumors abound, Ty is planning on releasing yet another batch of beanie babies, I being the chairman of Ty, want to know which would be the best new beanie baby?

• A) Verushkagin the Philisophical Porcupine
• B) Pre-Pubescent Charlie
• C) Willy the Whip Cracking Kinky Koala
• D) Whips�kiinkay!!
• E) Who wouldn't want a Pat Benetar beanie baby?

5) A kinkajou is what kind of animal?

• A) a nocturnal tree-dwelling carnivore
• B) a kinky pikachu

6) What should the new spokesperson / phrase be for "I can't believe it's not butter" be?

• A) Snuggles / "I can't believe its not motor oil"
• B) The Paralysis Oak / "AH! Tiny Monkees!"
• C) The Umpa Loompas / "Fabio"
• D) Fabio / "Git Yuh Uuumpaaa Looompas away from me!"
• E) Moses / "Boat"
• F) Kain (from Kung Fu the Legend Continues) / "I am Kain, I will help you, maybe, just maybe, okay, I might, but possibly, ok, good chance of me helping you, at least 30%, okay 40%, what the hell, 60% chance of me helping you, you know what, lets meet over lunch and discuss about whether or not I will help you, we can have butter."

7) In a town called Canary there is a beautiful park where all the little children play and where all the birds sing and the buffaloes occasionally roam due to the construction of the yet uncompleted "Buffalo World" theme park, but all is not well in this park because of a very very foul tempered tree called the Paralysis Oak. Anybody that touches it becomes paralyzed and sooner or later are drooled on by the buffalo, whos gross over consumption of Lemon Heads, grotesque in its very thought, pucker up their little buffalo faces and drool all over the place. Some times the Paralysis Oak gets a lil gumption under its belt and rides around on the buffaloes, drooling and paralyzing any kid that it teases to come and get some Lemon Heads, which may or may not be dripping with Buffalo Drool. Parents, as you can well imagine, are outraged. They need a solution to this atrocity!! I ask you, what would you do!!? What would you do!!?

• A) You aint gettin me any where near a animate tree with the powers to paralyze and a park of drooling buffaloes.
• B) Just blanket the park in Brawny paper towels and stay the hell away from that tree.
• C) Enlist Lemon Man! To take on the Paralysis Oak, where he shall fail miserably due to the stampede of buffaloes chasing him about the park due to his lemon like attributes.
• D) Enlist Lemon Man! Again but this time in the guise of Pineapple Man! To take on the Paralysis Oak, and fight him off and kill him, and then make it safer for the lil kids to run about the park and when construction is complete, pay $40 dollars a day so that buffaloes can drool on them.
• E) Burn the paralysis oak.

8) Do you renounce you alliegiance to all others but me!?

• A) yes
• B) no
• C) cant talk right now, going to llama flags!!!
• D) Cant talk right now, trying to devise a way to get rid of that dammned paralysis oak!!!

9) The Pope, Cap'n D, and Moses are all out on Moses's boat, "The Moses's Roses's" and they are trying to figure out what to do about the current state of the world. Moses says "Boat" the Pope says, "oy vey" and Cap'n D says:

• A) "Love is a battlefield"
• B) "what the world needs now, is love, SWEET love, love like luscious booty, that love, SWEET LOVE!"
• C) "see, what the world needs is the wonder of sea chanties. I wished that I lived near a sea port so that I could make all kinds of sea captain friends, and we could all get together on a Saturday night and sing sea chanties until the sun came up that would be the liife (notice that I used two I's to emphasize my love for the fishing profession), but then I would come home stinking of fish every night and all the cats in the neighborhood would hang around my house, and what good would that bring about, if one day I decided to dress up like a big mouse or something they would all attack me and kill me. And since I was around it all day, the fish, I would eventually get used to smelling it and I would never smell it, so while I could smell absolutely nothing at all the cats would smell everything, and not to mention that while I was bringing in my lines and nets to see what kind of catch I got for the day I would accidentally drag up some guy the mob killed because he pissed them off. And then the mob would be after me because I know that they killed somebody and then they would be chasing after me trying to end my life and I would have to move to some remote tropical island so that they could never find me all because I wanted to sing sea chanties. See, things can go very wrong by doing very right things. But wouldn't it be great if when I went to the remote tropical island there was all kinds of other sea captains who had inadvertently found other mob hits and so they too had to go to this remote tropical island? What could we name the island though? I really have no idea, but hopefully the mob wont find us there, unless we name the island mob island, and they all think that it is this great vacation spot. That's all I need is for them damn mobsters to come in and break up my great little sea chantie world, damn mobsters. They have no respect for the fishing industry, im tellin ya they don't. but also, now perhaps that they, the mob, were controlling the fishing industry, so that while everyone thought that the mob had no respect for the fishing industry itself they were instead the creators and the ones who keep it going? No one would ever expect it, least of all the mobsters, but they know, and they own the fishing industry so that they could dump the bodies without anyone ever the wiser, or perhaps, if you would like to go into the dark, demented side of things, we could go soylent gren and say that the fish that we are eating is not fish at all but mobhits, which would imply that the mob is responsible for much more murdering than was previously thought because I do believe that the fishing industry is quite large. Now if all the fish in the good ole U S of A was nothing more than those poor souls who somehow pist off the mob, then you would have to accept the fact that you have never eaten fish, unless you are in another country when you consume the fish. But you would also have to look at the fact that the mob could be one huge multinational conglomerate of crime, every nation has crime of some sort, so you have to wonder if all the crim ei somehow orchestrated throughout the world to center the worlds collective interest at certain times upon the crime that is so viciously rampant in our society in ordre to take the limelight off the fishing industry, because that is where the real crime is. Also, perhaps the entertainment industry is also part of it, unknowingly of course, in order to take the spotlght off the fishing industry. For you see, how many times a week do you hear entertainment news, and how many times do you hear news of the fishing industry? Exactly. So that is why the summer and holiday seasons are very big for the entertainment industry, as well as sweeps week. That is when the mob does all of its "cleaning out", killing whomsoever has escaped their ever present wrath. The entertainment industry correlates with this "cleaning out" so that people will either be at the movies or in front of the tube so that they will not notice where all these people are dissapearing too. You heard all about the friends wedding and all that crap, but you didn't hear anything about the fishing industry did you? No. well that's my two cents, have fun with'em."

10) Everyone knows that there is a recipe to make lead bars into gold using six smurfs, so how evil is Fort Knox!!!?!?!?!?

11) if I am attacked by two kangaroos carrying whup ass sticks, and then attacked by a wombat with a whooping crane on its back, and then approached by a man named Videograbadora, what do I have?

• A) freakishly bad luck
• B) really bad directions to end up in that part of town
• C) the nagging question of "who would name their child Videograbadora?"
• D) a really good time if you are a masochist

12) which one of these things is not quite like the other?

• A) Narnia
• B) AA (alcoholics Anonymous)
• C) Elephants bearing sultans
• D) A bucket of rice
• E) A pail of rice
• F) A man made of rice and summoned to come to life by magic
• G) Catfish.

13) If love is a battlefield, what is a battlefield?

• A) love
• B) a fine box of napolean ice cream
• C) any field on which you get 43 bandicoots, 12 monkeys, 17 NRA members, 3 classical authors, the cast from Tale Spin, Scrooge McDuck, the Micronauts, 18 llamas having a really bad day, and 1 really mean granny with super strenth with a cow skull on her head and a lions pelt on her back.

14) okay, so I think I accidently broke my nunzilla. Damn, I guess I'll just have to get another one. Now she just hobbles aroudn and spazes out every once in a while and then flips on her back and passes out. Just like a real nun. I guess now she is just gimpzilla. I will have a great battle between nunzilla and gimpzilla. Who will win? Only when the dust settles will we know the true outcome of the battle for my affections. I personally think that nunzilla will win, but you never know, gimpzilla may have like a chair in her habit that she will just whip out with and beat the crap out of nunzilla. Maybe I should get a big pit and get thousands of nunzillas and they could team up on gimpzilla, but then I would feel sorry for gimpzilla, for she was once my first nunzilla. Damn these moral dilemnas. I will have to think long and hard about it. Indeed, much provocative preposterous pondering and pontificating to perpetuate the preiminent predicament of my most pious and pompous pontiffs. Too many p's. pooh, where was.. oh yea! So who would win?

• A) Eartha Kitt aka Cat Woman
• B) The Judds

375) The woodchuck is now drunk, due to the damned rice sultan, sooo, just how much wood would the wood chuck chuck if the wood chuck would be drunk?

• A) yes now!
• B) Anatomically correct koolaid people.. mm�..
• C) Now that I gotta see!!
• D) Manatee gas
• E) Approximately 44 pounds of cottage cheese
• F) Pediatry
• G) G, you're right, this isn't funny.

15) okay, so there is this guy at the library that I see every time I am in there, no biggie, but I think that he is some kind of supervillian, or at he least an ambitious supervillian. He is always wearing black, and I mean black jeans, and a longsleeved black button down shirt, on really hot days, and I have seen him walking home from the library. Ooookaay, so also, he has this black leather purse like satchel thing that he has swung over his back in true super villian fashion, kind of like that little bag the hobgoblin and the green goblin keep their pumpkin boms in. and I over heard him today asking one of the librarians for books on robotics, so here goes: I believe that he is a super villian with plans to dominate the earth and is busy making a gigantic robotic death machine, or if he is trying to be the hobogoblin or green goblin (or black goblin since he wears black) he is making that realy kickin glider they both have. Proof of this: 1) he always wears the same clothes, because he has no money because he is spendin git on all on materials 2) he walks cause he doesn't have a car, A) because he is using his money to buy materials B) because once he takes over the world he wont need a car, or when he gets done with his glider he won't need a car. See where im comin from? So now only if I can get into his satchel to retrieve his evil plans for world domination, I can save the world, or beat him to taking it over. Pretty spiffy huh? I think so. But he seems like a really nice guy, but that could just be a front. So im going to stalk him, want to come? It would chock full of daring do and decisively dodging decadent and diabolical disaster and most likely full of sultry villianesses. We have to get supplies though, to take him down if he truly is planning on taking over the world or even more diabolical, the universe. A potato sack full of oranges should do the trick. So my plan would be to when he isn't looking, whack him upside the head with the sack of oranges, and steal away with his plans. But also, and it goes even deeper, what if: what if he really isn't a person, but instead the body is a machine, a robotic body, and there is a really small evil genius inside, so the sack of oragnes wouldn't do any good. And that is why he is never hot because it is refridgerated, and he is checking out books on robotics because he is looking to upgrade his destructo suit. Oh my god im going to bring down mini me. (not an actual mini myself, though that would be odd, if a miniture me were attempting world conquest) I don't know his name though. It is possibly either zartan or conquistador. Either way. Sack of oranges upside the head.

• A) my god you can ramble
• B) I agree with A
• C) Sack of oranges all the way baby!!
• D) I respect you attempts to save the world, you are quite brave and courageous, but you must also respect this man's dignity and privacy and refrain from bludgeoning him with a sack of oranges.
• E) When your done with the super villian take care of Mr. Logico back there in D
• F) Sack of oranges all the way baby!!

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375. (how did it go from # 14 to # 375?)

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PERSONALITY PROFILES!!!!!

BETTER THAN ASTROLOGY, MORE MISLEADING THAN A BLIND GOAT GIVING DIRECTINOS TO A COOKIE FACTORY!!!!

116 - 200 - Hey now were kinda getting started, yeah this is pretty good. WHOO!! I don't really know how many people get into this level, so you're a good person! Everybody likes you, you are a fun person to hang out with, sure you may sing chorus songs in the shower, or maybe you don't, I'm not in your shower... That much =) you also often stay up at night wondering what the K in K-Mart stands for.

201 - 260 - you secretly fear alex tribek. Really, you do. I mean think about it, every time you see him on Entertainment Tonight and you swear that he is Jon Tesh. This has been the summer of monkeys for you, because you like monkeys, yes you do!! When posed with the question of "what would you do with a oscarmeyer hot dog" you would most usually scream out "why slap it on a corn stick and throw it to a bag full of badgers and toss 'em at a man with a funky head named Bridgette!!" yeah most likely, or you would sit there and stare, and stroke your moustache (of if you are a girl, just stroke the stubble on your legs) and give them the stinkeye, or the suspicious eye, and kind of ask them with your eye "hey baby, what you doin tomorrow night? Ya know people have told me I look like a black Leann Rimes, yeeaa baby" yea your quite the bucket of potatoes.

261-266 - wow!!! I only know of one other person that has gotten into this level, his name was Chico McGillicuddy, but he wasn't a good person, man that bastard was EVIL!! MAN he got my hackles up!!

267-314 - hey now your on the trolly!!! Anytime anybody asks you what you are going to be doing, you respond to them with "Matilda me and this pug ugly bloke are going up to Botown for some smiles, and we wont be back 'till were blind as postals!" hoooooooowwwwww about that. What would do you good is a giant bagel mixed up with a pop tart, and you could call it a tagle, or a tarlett, oh wait that's a woman of ill repute isn't it? Don't you just hate it when puffy shirts just puff up a bunch and finally explode?

315-369 - nobody knows, the trouble I been through, nobody knows, but elvis. Nobody knows, the burritos ive battled, nobody knows but the burritos, nobody knows, that I sold my children for nachos, nobody knows and I'd kinda like to keep it that way. WAR! UH!! What is it good for!?!?! Do you like your significant other to dress up as a dolphin? Mayhaps you need to . mayhaps you need to find a really big biscit and take it on a bus, and start asking it how come it doesn't like elephants, if it answers. Then man you got the wrong personality profile, man you are like waaaaaaaaaayyyyy above 401, your up around like 4000,000,000 on that one. Then you've got problems, problems no talkin biscit or sake of oranges could help anybody. But good luck tackelin them!! im on your side!!! (unless you are very dangerous and you have a sack of oranges and a mean little baked good, then your on your own)

370-401 - whoo hoo!!! No hitch in your getalong!!!!! Man your not on the trolly, your on the freakin trolly of trolls and munchkins and lots of fluffy marshmellow men wearing pajamas with marmosets all over the pajamas, and you like to talke to people like "we do not be tinkin this be amusing, wheres the squat pot!?" where indeed. Do you often find yourself going up to people and asking "oh my god!! How did I get an oreo in my cathater!?" you think that IHOP stands for International Hoes On Politics, and you are more than ready to host the show, with Maury Povich as the guest host. I once had my own talk show, it was called the Maury Povich show, but they took it off because I wasn't really Maury Povich.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! YOU HAVE FINISHED THE TEST!! WHOO HOO!!!! YOU ARE NOW LIKE 40 YEARS OLDER!!

EXTRA CREDIT QUESTION!!! Okay if you can answer this, add 15 points to your score, if you got over 401, don't email me asking for a new profile, just take solace in the fact that you are quite the rare bird. Okay! So here it goes, does Animal (from The Muppets) have Turrets? Cause I mean all he does is cuss and scream a lot, makes ya wonder. Reaaaaallly makes ya think.

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