Okay, i dont know why i had the Gone With The Wind Amish people there, but you get the idea. Elbows are sexy. Speaking of which, (not elbows, but sexiness) The idea of revealing an elbow or an ankle, which in amish culture would be rare i suppose, and then comparing it to the new Christina Aguilera video, which is total skank, how much will the idea of what is sexy change in the future? I dont really think too many people think the new Christina Aguilera video is sexy in any way, its nasty, and if you havnt seen it then let me put it this way; if you are a virgin right now, and want to remain one until your wedding night, DO NOT watch this video. It'll rip the virgin right out of you. Not to mention all your cash from all the soap and antibiotics you'll buy AFTER watching it. The video is Count Skankula, lord of all that is skank. I find attraction down another avenue, and for some reason, all the women whom i think are incredibly attractive, most of my friends don't see what it is about them that is so beautiful. I find women who are natural and smart looking to be incredibly alluring, I also have a thing for brunettes with glasses. But i can't be so strange in what i am attracted to. I read somewhere recently that EVERY straight man is attracted to Pamela Anderson, but im not, and im straight. So perhaps that says something about me, that i just like to stray outside the norm. And Christina Aguilera, she can be pretty, but she prefers to looking like a cross between the love child of a poodle and some kind of demon possessed palm tree, or someone who even the REALLY bad STD's stay away from. So, you might be saying, who in popular culture does Eric think is incredibly attractive, beautiful even!? I could write you up a list! of a few people. Christy Romano from Even Stevens is breath takingly gorgeous, and there is just somethin about Jorja Fox from CSI that is mind numbing, and Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live is smart and funny and very very pretty, so that just ups the ante. And man, there is just SOMETHING about that Martha Stewart. So anyway, thats all i gots to rant about, i just pulled it up out the blue! Im gonna get going and get somethign to eat or take a nap or something! Maybe ill take a nap while eating, i could work that.

-- "boom boom, shih boom boom, It's gettin hot in here, so take off...what? Oh wait...we're in hell? And thats why its hot in here? AND I CAN'T TAKE OFF ALL MY CLOTHES!? What is this place, HELL!? .....Oh..."

-- October 18th, 2002- Eric here, again! And i probably wont be kicked off the computer again, unless i have a heart attack, that might knock me for a loop. So though i dont feel a heart attack coming on, i do feel a rant coming on! I dont know exactly where i left off last time, but ill just summarize, my 2nd grade class is a blast! Its tons of fun, and now they've started giving me hugs! Cassandra, the little girl who i think has a crush on me, hugged me when she saw me, and another kid, Rashaad, he gave me a hug too, i dont know why but it was cool. And another girl said something about letting her know when my last day was going to be because she was going to get me a present. They're so cute! And really cool. And Brandon, who i mentioned earlier, is hilarious. I think i over heard him saying that he had a praying mantis at home, and he fed it eggs, or egg salad. Maybe he orders him a pizza, cooks up some burgers, it was funny though. But also, Brandon has become a lobbyist. The lesson for that day was teaching them about voting and making decisions, on the little poster of the community was a shop that was for rent, and i told them that i had contacted the owner and she had three offers from businesses that wanted to open up in her shop. They were an animal hospital, an arcade, and an ice cream parlor, and i had them give me good results and bad results that having one of these new businesses would have on the community. So after that they all voted, and naturally, the ice cream parlor won. Only about 5 kids voted for the animal hospital, but they were stickin by their convictions for what they thought was right, so thats awesome. I thought an animal hospital should be there too. But Brandon was one of the kids who voted for the vet, and he was talking to Cody, trying to tell him to vote for the animal hospital, and Cody wasnt listening, and he brushed him off, so Brandon apparently grabbed his arm and was pretty forceful about it, to get his attention, im not sure, i didnt see it happen. But Brandon isnt a mean kid, he is really really peaceful and polite, so im not sure what happened, but Cody got hurt somehow, and the teacher got them both and was finding out what was happening. But she got it all worked out and they both apologized, Brandon for hurting Cody and Cody for ignoring Brandon, and Brandon went back to his desk and wrote out an apology letter, but it was more like this "I'm sorry that i hurt you, but you should have voted for the animal hospital and this is why" and he gave like 4 reasons!! I taught them how to be lobbyists!! It was really funny. More so than this relaying of it probably is. But kids are fun! Oh, and i wasnt channeling paul simon in my rhyming bit there in the other one, but instead it was Tom Waits, pulling a bit from the beginning of the awesome CD "night hawks at the diner" its a great cd, you should go get it. And enjoy it late at night among friends or among yourself, good times. Ah, so what to write about. I am doing nothing right now, just hanging about. A friend of mine is having a bit of a shindig, a hootnanny if you will, later tonight, and i am probably going to go there, just for a bit though. I didnt go to bed until about 3 last night, or this morning, and then got up at 8, and i HAVE to work tomorrow, because i need money. Because i bought two frames for an art piece im doing and they cost $50 bucks. Why? Because they were custom made. Oh yea. Pullin out all the stops. The piece is called Pieta, thats the working title. But it is me and my friend Rachel, who you will find pictures of on this website, reproducing Michelangelo's Pieta, with me as Mary and Rachel as Jesus. So im going to print that image onto cloth, and put it in these frames, fix up a light bulb behind each image (there will be two) and connect them to this bigger, very religious looking frame that i found at Hoods, kind of a junk store. Great place. But I need to work it out a bit and get all the kinks ironed out and cajoled into agreeing with my vision, and voila, it shall be done. Its not really sacreligious, its art. The idea came from a few months ago, when i was working alot with the idea of motherhood. The wire babies, (my friend Marsha said i was their mother) i was working with some other images of Mary, and i had just started dating Catherine, so the mother idea or theme was around alot. So Marsha and i started talking, and i think we came to the opinion that the artist is almost a mother to their work, regardless of their sex. They create and give life to something, sometimes with instigation, inspiration or sometimes without. Most people know of that furious blast of ideas that they sometimes get, seemingly from nowhere, almost like an immactulate conception. So equating an artist with a mother is not so far a stretch. The most recognized symbol or idea of a mother is, of course, the virgin Mary. The switching of genders is like a reverse ying and yang, the masculine becomes feminine and the feminine, masculine. There is the subject of suffering always associated with Christ and Mary, but not so much in this piece. It is always said that artists suffer for their work, but more than they suffer they are devoted to it, like a mother. Those are a few of my thoughts on it, you can make your own and add them to it, whichever you want. Its not just for shock value though, because i always put alot of work into what i do, and shock requires marginal shock and work. Wow, such a long rant! So ill end it here, viva mariachi!

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October 17th 2002 - Gee, can you believe I'm actually writing 'another' rant?? Probably not because no one checks the site. In any case, I'm still working tons of hours at work and it's getting to be a regular soap opera there. We have this new guard who seriously looks like he's 40 and though he's actually 20. Well, at first he was pretty quiet, but then he opened up his mouth and stupid things kept pouring out of it and they just wouldn't stop! He actually told this other cashier that she was a lesbian based on the school she goes to and that he had "figured her out" already when he doesn't even know her. So, if you can guess, this hasn't made him real popular. Unless he desperately needs the job and money, I'd quit if I were him because so far it's just going downhill. Personally, he frightens me because after I'm 'sure' he got the impression that people were being not exactly nice to him, he started messing with a baseball bat and had this evil look in his eye. I didn't want to stick around so I left. I also had to do homework. Funny how things work out like that! So anyway, now he's trying to "make right" with the cashier girl who he called a lesbian and it's just not happening. I don't blame her. You just don't say those things to someone you just met. I, however, enjoy working at the rink sooo much more this season than last season. It probably helps that the same cashier girl just mentioned also worked with me at the pool this summer. All we do is just make each other laugh. She even thought "Hungry Hungry Hobos" was hilarious! Eric thinks I should run the "aborted fetus puppet" idea past her. She'll probably like it too. But it's a long shot. It 'is' an aborted fetus puppet. Anyhow, it seems that I actually 'have' been working way too much. I can't even think of what to write about anymore. So until next time. - chris

"'good afternoon, wainwrights fruit emporium. mr wrainwright is not able to take calls at this time since he is not right in the head & thinks he is a cucumber. thank you for calling.' "

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October 14th 2002 - Personally I think Eric used too many rhyming phrases. It made him sound like Paul Simon, whom I hate. Hopefully you know what song I'm referring to, because I'm not going to try and quote it. Anyhow, so I only have a couple things I feel like ranting about. First off, my hands are f-ing FREEZING!! I just got home from my night class and it's really really cold. Okay, so I'm actually sort-of proud of myself. I got B's on both my C++ and Microeconomic tests. Sure I wish I could have done better, but I think I did exceptionally well considering the amount of time I have to invest in studying and doing homework. I do only have a couple of gripes about my C++ class though. My teacher is a complete bitch and waaaaay too picky about answers. And she gets pissed off when people don't understand something and they ask her to explain it. Geez woman, get a clue! You're getting paid to f-ing teach this stuff! So yeah, the test I just got back made me mad because I don't think it was fair what she did. First off she said multiple times that we didn't need to worry about the material from chapter 4 and a little bit of chapter 7 because they will NOT BE ON THE TEST. Well, what do you know? There was a question from those sections and practically 99% of the class got it wrong! We all tried to bitch to her that it wasn't fair but she wouldn't hear it. It's not like it would have changed my grade or anything, but maybe it would have helped other people out. I just think she's retarded because she wants all these specific kinds of answers but her questions are vague as hell. Then she demerits you for not giving her the answers she really wanted. GAH! She must have someone who pisses in her cereal every morning or something. Anyway.. the other thing I want to comment on are those people at school whose job it is to stand in your way and shove fliers into your face while you're trying to get to class or home. The first two weeks I just instinctively took whatever they handed me because I just didn't care. When you're walking by someone and they start to hand you something, it's just kind of a reaction to reach out for it. Well, I finally trained myself to be a complete asshole to these people and not take what they're trying to give me. It's actually funny to see their reactions, so I don't care if they think I'm being rude or not. Lets take for instance the guy who is passing out business cards for some random (but specific) company. The cards state that it's for a well paying job. What it 'doesn't' say is that you're not doing anything worth while, and you're getting paid by appointment, not by hour. This particular company you're calling people up and setting up appointments to go into their houses to sell them knives. I'm almost positive I've bitched about this company before when they actually sent me a damned letter for a job and I thought they were an IT company. So yeah, that guy was trying to give me a business card and I just give him some stinkeye and shake my head in a very annoyed manner as if to say "your existence on this plane is entirely unnecessary." Heh, I'm actually reminded of a time many years ago that Eric and I went to K-Mart or something one night. While we were leaving the store, there were a lot of 10 yr old girls for some (possibly) girlscout troupe or maybe just some organization, but they were selling papers. You know, like newspapers. So we had JUST passed through the door and this little girl starts towards me and begins her spiel "Hi, would you like to buy...." and then she just gets this look of total fear on her face and she backs away quickly and we just continue to walk past. I still swear to this day that I didn't actually give the girl stinkeye, I just happened to keep eye contact and not say anything as I walked past. She evidently thought I had a hook for a hand and was going to gouge out her eyes and play bowling with her scull. Ah what fun times. I wish I could have that memory on tape. =] I think it's more funny because I don't think I look very threatening, nor could I ever really take 'anyone' in a fight, not to mention I'm a pacifist. So just to inadvertantly strike utter terror into someone just by looking in their direction is just awesome to me. Now in my defense, I remember Eric being behind me, so HE actually could have had a hook for a hand and a sign reading "I'm going to gouge out your eyes and play bowling with your scull." and the girl was just freaked out by HIM! The world may never know (nor care). .. Lastly, I wish to bitch about my Financial Accounting class. Not necessarily the class itself, but mainly this guy who sits next to me. Honestly, I actually 'have' been a complete asshole to this guy, but he's just f-ing annoying!! And he's not getting the hint!! Practically every freaking day, he'll come in and then while class is going on and I'm trying to listen to the teacher, he'll ask me a really stupid question that is completely detailed on the board. Breaking my focus, I'll actually think for a second why he's even asking me, but then give the answer anyway and leave it at that. The other thing that pisses me off is that he rarely brings his book to class. Now in Financial Accounting, the book is EVERYTHING!! It helps a lot to have the book so you know what you're doing and where you are, and what the problems are asking. He evidently believes otherwise. You might ask why this pisses me off. If you did, I would say because then he has to use MY book just to do problems from the book! This not only hurts 'my' ability to do my work effectively, but it's also like me paying for the book for two people! Now sure, if he gave me half of the money for the book, I'd gladly share every f-ing day of class. But has that happened?? NO! I even 'said' to him after he exclaimed that he didn't understand something that maybe he should bring his book to class. His response was that he didn't need to bring his book to class. Geez, what a f-ing moron! I hope a family of vultures deficate on his head. K, well that's all the ranting from me for the moment. Only one more week of laying ice at the rink and hopefully we'll open the season. I did, after all, just get my Hep. A booster shot today. It lasts for 20 years! - chris

"So far the season 7 of Buffy is reaaaally disappointing. And there's way too much Dawn in it."

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October 13th 2002- Eric here! Finally! What's the hub bub love? Whats the low down brown? What's the scoop Betty Boop? I'll tell you all about my trials and tribulations, frowns, smiles and mis-calculations, because its been awhile since i've regaled you with my fine wit and word wrath. But where do we start first!? As Chris said, i do have an entire class of second graders in my thrall! Almost. There are a few stragglers. Oh, but they will come around. You might be asking yourself, or asking me "Eric, how, and WHY, do you have a bunch of second graders?" The answer will be simply put in a mathematical equation, but im not much for simple answers, so ill tell you the entire tale. I have been interested in becoming a teacher for ahwile, so, i enrolled in a class called Intro to Classroom teaching, and as part of that, we go to the class room. That is where the classroom teaching comes in. As part of the class we become part of Junior Achievement, where we become student teachers, and we teach the students little lessons about the community with the kit and information that junior achievment gives us. My most recent lesson was about the government and how and why we pay taxes, all that stuff. For second grade! But they really liked that lesson because it involved them getting play money, and about 8 of the students getting to pretend to be gubment workers, such as police, fire fighters, mayor, librarian, tax collector, all sorts. The other students, as workers in the Sweet O Donut company that was the focus of the second lesson (where in they made little paper donuts, although afterwards i supplied them with REAL donuts. Note to anybody, kids get excited when you come in with two dozen krispy kreme donuts. In case you thought otherwise) So it was pay day, and they each got $10 dollars in play money. But, as i told them about taxes and all that, i made them aware that they had to each pay me two dollars in taxes, and i had Joseph, who was the tax collector, go around and get the money. They were all having alot of fun and joking around and really having a blast with it. All the government workers were laughing about how the others had to pay taxes, UNTIL i told them that THEY too had to pay taxes. It was all much more involved than this, its just the skim, Slim. But it was alot of fun and they were making alot of noise and having a blast, but Mrs. Meyers, the teacher, was having alot of fun too, she was laughing alot, and she is an incredibly nice woman, and a wonderful teacher. So, onto the kids, who are great. I always have alot of fun in there, and they all like me, and one girl really does, i think she has a crush on me. The first day i was there she told me that i was handsome and nice, and now whenever i am there she always asks me if i will be there all day, and when i say yes she gets all excited and does the whole pulling her fist and arm down like a "YES!" its pretty cute. And she asked me how to spell my last name, because they all call me Mr. Warner. Yea, thats my last name, but try and find me!! You cant. But she asked me and then she wrote on the back of her paper "Good Job Mrs. Warner". So its pretty cute, and the rest of them are so much fun, they are hilarious too. Another girl, Alexis, keeps calling me Kurt Warner, like the quarter back for the Rams. And also, when i was with them for an entire day i went to computer class with them, they are learning to type in second grade, and even in kindergarten! There was a kindergarten class there before us, and i watched them for a few minutes while their teacher was still in the computer class. They were tons of fun as well, though more energetic and wild. Like the kindergartners on the show Recess. Brandon, one of the students, was having trouble typing, and wanted to type the way he wanted, but the teacher wouldnt let him, so he got upset and refused, and started to cry, so she made him sit near the wall, away from the computer until he agreed to work the right way. I finally got him to come back, and i told him how to type, how you just type it very lightly and quickly, (he would hold in the letters, so it would be aaaaaaaggeee, when spelling age) well i have to get going, so ill write more later! part two next!!

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October 12th 2002 - Finally my car is up and running! Mostly anyway. I'm not even going to talk about how much debt I'm in, because that would detract from being happy that my car is even working. AND I've been working like a FIEND lately. Thankfully I got to hang out with Kim last night and we watched a lot of Buffy. =] The downside to that was that I got only 6 hours of sleep and then worked a nine hour day today. I did however finish off sharpening all the hockey skates so I'm damned happy about that. Only one more week of hell but with semi-more hours than normal until we start the season and then I get practically NOTHING. Hopefully they'll schedule me just to sharpen skates every once in a while because, like I said before, I'm poor. I do miss seeing my friends though. I mean, sure, I saw Eric for like a minute today, but then I was getting ready to go back to work! And why hasn't he made a freaking rant yet?! He should stop developing so many pictures in the darkroom and type some stuff once in a while. ;] Did you know that Eric has a large group of second graders in his thrawl? Do you know 'why' you don't know that?? Because he hasn't mentioned it! Unless he did and I just completely missed it. But I'm pretty sure he hasn't, because the only "rant" he's made is a big ol' happy birthday shout out on the 5th. Eh.. but anyway, I am going to go at the moment because everything inside my nostrils is white from mixing all the base-ice. It seriously looked like I was a coke-head or something. Who knows what breathing that crap did to my lungs. I also have to study for my second Calculus test that's Monday. Hope I don't bomb it! - chris

"Go splash in some puddles; it's very theraputic. Puddle-therapy!"

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October 8th 2002 - .. Okay.. so you know what? I'm really void of any such emotions at the moment, or I'm so full of emotion that it feels like nothingness. So Eric takes me to get my car back, where I get there RIGHT as they're closing and they're kind of pissed off that they have to stay there for like 10 extra minutes while I give them a THOUSAND F-ING DOLLARS!! I tell them thanks and that I really appreciate having to stay and I leave with my brand spanking newly fixed car that doesn't die anymore. Well, someone must have told my car a different story because exactly 9 minutes later, it dies again! I honestly just don't know what to do. I can't afford to fix anything else, I actually can't even afford to have paid them the $1000, but I did because I 'needed' to. I need to be able to go to school, I need to be able to get to work, I need to be able to see my friends, I need a f-ing working car! I'm sure if I take it back to them, saying "Well, it's still not fixed." They'll just charge me more for something else to fix that's probably not even the problem and then I'll just keep bleeding money out of my arteries until there's just nothing left of me but a pile of dirty rags and a 40 ounce of malt liquor. Everyone so far has said that they'll fix it for free because I took it to get it fixed and running and they didn't do their job correctly because my car is 'not' running well. I just don't know what to do. I should just trade in my car and get a horse. At least then I'll know where my horse is in the parking lot, and I won't ever have to get the horse fixed or get replacement horse parts. According to my brother, horses and all things horse related are tax-deductible in the state of Missouri because they're still considered farm equipment, thus I can just write it off. Plus I'll have a HORSE! Sure it'll probably look stupid when I have four of my friends piled onto the back of it, but whatever. I won't ever have to parallel park, I can just side-step.... yeah, this horse idea is looking better and better every second. Or I could just live my dream and get an ostrich! I can still ride the ostrich, and the ostrich could kick the shit out of anyone who tried to rob our house, given that they don't kill the ostrich, but still! Okay, well I'm done ranting, I'm going to go play in the expensive-way. - chris

"'Lost cause.. lost cause.. lost cause.. that boy's a lost cause.'"

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October 7th 2002 (later that day) - You know? After careful consideration and that conveniently placed arrow with a note attached to it, I'm starting to think that the cause of all my car problems is actually ... CATHERINE! She's pissed at my "angry rant" because she knows it's true and that she ruined such a good thing with Eric that she's taking out her frustration on my car! Well let me tell you one thing missy, .. you're so EVIL!! Leave my car alone and give Eric back his Metroid game! If you have any decency left in that horrid shell of a form you call a human being, then do the right thing! - chris

"According to my C++ teacher, I'm a keeper. But deep down I really think I'm a beater or possibly a seeker." =P

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October 7th 2002 - Okay, here's a run down of everything the Honda dealer said is wrong with my car. First off, something called the cam tower is leaking all over my spark plugs and plug wires. That's why my car kept dying, because the spark plugs and wires are completely shot. Just to fix that, it's (not including labor and taxes) $610.00. Some other things they found wrong with my car are, the oil pan gasket ($210.00), rear brake pads (not fixing because I have them under warranty), my left-side axels are leaking ($156.00), and my power stearing and alternator belts are crap ($116.00). That last part would have been more if my cousin hadn't replaced the timing belt previously before she sold it to me. But who knows if that's crap 'again' because of all the stuff that's wrong with my car. :[ I also seriously need an oil change, but maybe I'll just go somewhere else for that. Gah, so total I'm probably going to be in debt about $1200.00. Can we say "I need to become a drug dealer"?? Because that's the only way I'll be able to afford all this stuff and still live!! - chris

"psst... hey,.. yeah, you. Over here. You lookin for some drugs?"

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October 5th 2002- Eric here! Its been quite some time since i added a rant, or at least i think it has been. But first things first, lets give a shout out to my friend Uyen! It's her birthday! Today! The 5th! Yea! So happy birthday! Uyen! Its sunny outside! Im listening to Bob Dylan! Happy Birthday! To Uyen! Not Bob Dylan! Okay! Thats enough exclamation points! Gotta go!

"damn. thems lots of exclamations."

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October 4th 2002 - Geez my life sucks! First a flat tire, now my car won't start! I really believe that mechanics f-k with other things on cars just to get people to come back to them. Anyhow, I'm really busy at work, and school is kicking my ass. I haven't seen any of my friends in a week and a half. Eric is even no where to be found! Hopefully this madness will subside soon enough. Until then, Penny-Arcade has given me another online comic to look at called The Life of Riley which is pretty damned cool. I'll put a link later, because it's not like anyone really cares. ;] - chris

"Ah, whatever. Got to go to work."

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