www.geocities.com/chrisericus/indexmain.html: SO ITS TRUE!! WOW!! I knew it. I always wondered why i was afraid of rusting, and why my eyes glowed, and why sometimes i made love to household appliances. I'm an android. That explains so much.

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May 16th 2003 - LMAO! Dude, Eric that rant was pure hilarity. I can't say I peed my pants or anything, because I'm not better than your NEW friends like Dom! Or maybe that's not even his name and it's not even Dom, it's Don! He's actually in the mafia. The cooking mafia. Watch out Emeril. Ooo, anyway. So I've had quite the night last night. It was Jenny's birthday, YAY!, so we went to a bar in St. Chuck to celebrate. The cool thing for everyone ELSE was that it was ladies night so women drink free. How cool is that?! I mean, suuuuurrreee, they have to deal with raging hormones and periods. But they get to drink for free! I haven't heard of any place that is like "it's mens night. guys drink free." Maybe at some gay bar, but I don't go to those so I wouldn't know. Anyway, so we're all drinking and I actually danced a bit. I probably slammed about four beers in the span of 45 minutes (only because our waitress was slow so it took her time to keep coming back to us for me to get a new drink). I'm not saying that's record time or anything, but I really don't like beer. So for me to drink 4 of them, is quite amazing. Maybe I'm finally getting used to the grossness taste. So anyhow, there was this annoying ass girl there who practically everyone else there didn't know, or at least didn't know that well. She ends up getting COMPLETELY trashed out of her mind. At the end of the night when the bar was closing, she had already been in the bathroom for half an hour passed out and puking. She was also sweating really bad. Her entire body was just sweat-ness, not to be confused with sweet-ness (which she definitely wasn't). Even her hair was wet, like the kind of wet you get when you're WASHING your hair. So after they bar ordered us to get her out of there, Michelle had to CARRY her on her back outside. They eventually took her to the hospital so hopefully she's okay. Some interesting info about this girl is that she lives in a trailer with her baby. :] Wouldn't 'you' drink yourself to oblivion too? (kidding, that was sarcastic) So yeah, then I went home and went to bed. Now lets fast forward to the morning where my brother is getting ready to do to work. You know, that place he said they didn't need me to go because there wasn't much work to be done? So he asks me if I'm going to go into work and I say "Nah, I haven't yet, so why start now?" Well I eventually changed my mind and decided to go. No one told me, however, that that road to get to this other pool that I'm not going to work at was being removed. Maybe they'll put it back, but right now it's really shitty. So then when I get there I enter the office where there's about seven people sitting around and not ONE DAMNED PERSON acknowledges my presense or existence for five full minutes. This implies that they eventually acknowledged me, but that would be incorrect. After no one saying one word towards my direction, I walked out and said hello to my boss boss, asked him how he was doing, blah blah. Then he walked to the office, asked what everyone was doing and told them they should take a break (from doing nothing) to which he then told me to go home because they had all the help they needed. So I said bye to my boss boss (as opposed to the other bosses who are under him) and just left, still having no repetoire with any of the lifeguard assholes who work there. Which is actually cool and better for me because one lifeguard I knew from highschool was there and I hate that girl about as much as I hate having rectal surgery. Okay, maybe I hate her more than that. She was a grade lower than me and had that "I'm a church-going smart bitch and I'm better than everyone I lay eyes on" attitude. Which is okay because she really did suck a whole lot so that attitude tended to allow other people to not go near her. Well she was there and I actually feel like vomiting when I'm in her presense because I loathe her so. And she might as well get that sex-reassignment surgery done because she looks like a man and has Michael Bolton's hair. She looks more like a man than I do! If you haven't guessed yet, I really don't like her. - chris

"He's a pumpkin. A pumpkin with a hat. A pumpkin with a hat and feet. A pumpkin with a hat and feet and named No Body. I really don't know why he hangs around with that vampire dog."

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May 15th 2003- Eric here, with a "clarification" because Chris is all Mr. Insecurity!! In one of the last or recent rants i made, i stated that through these two semesters I've made better friends. Now, I would think that everybody would take that to mean that I have made better friends with the people I already knew, or somewhat knew. There are several people, students and teachers, who i have become closer to in these last 8 or 9 months. That is at least what i meant by it. But CHRIS thought that i was saying that i had made friends with people who were better than the friends i already had. Well, you know what Chris? You're right! They are better! And you want to know who one of my "better" friends is? It's DOM DELUISE!! Thats right, Dom Deluise. And do you want to know why he is better? I was just about to tell you, don't get ahead of me. My new friends let me talk without being interrupted, but i guess thats just too much to ask from...oh.... sorry bout that! As i was saying. I have this talent, some would say, to say something uproriously funny when Chris is drinking something, causing him to spit it back out into his cup. Well, do you know what DOM does when I say something funny? HE PEES HIMSELF!!! Thats right, he completely wets himself, due to my incredible humor. Its the little things like that that make me feel just more funny. And more pretty, because Dom doesn't laugh at ugly people. Crippled people sure, but not ugly people. So I feel all pretty, like a girl who works at a library at a school that shall not be named, yup, that super pretty. So what do you think of that Chris? Can you stand up next to Dom Deluise? Cause im sure you wont want to sit down after hime, because he wets himself! And wets the chair he might have been sitting in. But at least he has both eyes and doesn't chew up DVDs or $20s. Wow! Dom Deluise has his own website!! But..i knew that...because he's my new best friend. Its www.domdeluise.com! Go there!! oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can buy things! OOooooooh!! And you can buy a dom deluise cooking apron!! Which for me would be a printmaking apron, so im gonna get that! Thats sweet! Sweet like bear meat. Because bears are made of sugar. Or at least their meat is. I dont know what their furs are made of, or their eyes or claws. Im betting they're made of gum balls and licorice. Which is why i steal bear cubs and try to sell them to candy stores, but they get all upset and call animal control on me. And then PETA gets all upset, it sucks. Im just trying to save them from the rain and ants!! Because im a good person. Thats why the Queen knighted me. Or at least i think she did. Some old woman came at me with a sword, and i know that the Queen is supposed to use a sword and tap you on each shoulder and then you are a knight. So you know, i just assumed. So thats it for this rant. Good times.

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Whatever day it is part two!! This is Eric again, making up for my time lost! I'm like a father who comes into their child's life after never being there when the kid is 28 and tries to take them out for ice cream. And you had better like this ice cream dammit!! Because i hired amish people to make it! And they cost good money! So what to rant about. Dora the explorer!! Aw she's so cute. And hispanic!! Everybody has to like animated hispanics. She's hispanimated!! OOh im going to get crap from the anti hispanic defamation league. But im not defaming them! Seriously im not. I think its a very good thing. My nephew is actually half hispanic. He's halfspanic! But ive never seen him so his existence could be a myth. Actually ive seen pictures, but my brother does like to just take pictures and cut himself out of other pictures and put himself in there. Like the one of him meeting Jesus. We all knew that he really wasn't alive when jesus was, unless Jesus was alive sometime after 1976 when my brother was born, but we never had the heart to tell him. Plus, my family is very gullible so we always thought that perhaps he might have SOME kind of connection to JC, and we didn't want to push things in case he did. oooh im so hungry. But i dont have any money, because i spent it all up in chicago. Well a good majority of it. And i bought Mr. Magoo some new glasses, just because im nice. And im tired of him bumpin into my shit!! And i didnt know that Bell ate chris DVD!! That SUCKS ASS!! God i hate that dog so much. At first she was cute. But that HAS to be the most annoying creature on the planet. I swear to god, or my brother's friend. That thing. Jeeze. And im not even talking about the time it stole my wallet and ate a 20. Well it tore it up a bit. But everytime you go over there she attacks your crotch and then just licks you or runs all around you jumping and whining. It was cute at first, and now its the damn devil dog. I know its probably bad, but im sure chris thinks it too, but i wish they had never gotten that dog. They should have gotten one that wasnt pure evil. My dog is great, he's nuts sure, he's been chewing through break lines on trucks and air conditioning hoses, but he's cute! and he doesn't lick and go for your crotch constantly. He's very mellow in letting you know he wants something. He'll bring you a toy or give you his paw, and since he has BOTH eyes, he can give you a cute puppy dog look. Bell is just the devil. I have a hankering for barbecue. Or pizza. No, maybe just barbecue. Ive got a hankering for anything really because im STARVING! So im going to go eat. Something. Maybe....your brain!! Or maybe some barbecue. Barbecue brains!! Nah probably not.

"read the rant below too!! Or not"

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Waitaminute!! What day is it!? My mail says its the 12th, but Chris said it was the 13th! And the calender on this computer says that its the 14th!! I have no idea what day or year it is!! Or even if this is Eric! But it couldnt be because i havnt added a rant in over a month! Why thats just crazy talk! Jesus H Monkeyfist!! Ah well. SO another semester comes to pass. And such and such. I just got back from an absolutely amazing trip to chicago, tons of fun and lots to talk about. But i wont. Because i have been sworn to secrecy by the powers that be. All that i will tell you is that i like cereal. Oh! And the art chicago exhibit at navy pier was once again incredible, and i found my new favorite artist, Jin-Yong Lee. Absolutely beautiful things, truly amazing. So type in his name at google and let the drool start a flowin! Cause its beautiful stuff. Chicago is a great town, i love it there, and especially a suburb named Glenview. And Skokie. There is a mall called Old Orchard, that is so beautiful it shouldnt be a mall. You dont need to shop to go there, its just a beautiful place to be, especially the Barnes & Noble there. And magic happens at that Barnes & Noble. It does. Lots of cute little gnomes live there, and they let you sit in these big comfy chairs. Saturday night i was there, sitting in the big comfy chairs, as Coldplay's second album A rush of blood to the head (very good) played over the speakers, and i read comic books. People can say what they want about comics, but i love them. And for some reason, i guess its because its the end of the semester, and the end of this school year. A WHOLE lot of growing has taken place on my part since it began in late august. Ive made better friends, become closer with my teachers to the point that they are mentors and guiders, even more than teachers normally are, and ive gone on great trips, made great friends, its been a blast. And considering how down i was in the beginning of the fall (as avid readers of this website im sure you all know why) i am proud to say that im came out of it like a pheonix, and looking back it has been quite a trip, and i am extremely happy to be who i am. And perhaps thats all a bit of why i'm not as nostalgic as i once was, because i know that whereever im going, i'll be back there, and that nothing truly ends, it just changes. But isn't this being nostalgic now!? I dont know! Okay, so i guess im a bit nostalgic. But in a different way. I've taken a greater hand the way the world comes to me, so i feel more in control. Or whatever. At the moment, i'd like to get the loose ends tied up (such as cleaning up the studio at school and getting all my junk out, and then cleaning up my room and such, getting it so that i can continue making things through the summer) and then maybe for awhile, a week or so, or more, just hanging out and play some video games, and watch some movies. I just had a wonderful mini vacation, and now its time to start the big one. ANd ox bow is only about two months away! And why havn't i added any crazy rants!? I should do that more often. Being Count Chocula and all.

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May 13th 2003 - Well, you know what's 'not' fun? Slowly being poisoned to death from pesticide fumes filling your house when you don't know where it's coming from. So a day before my parents went on their cruise which they're currently on, the garage started to smell really bad and we didn't know why. Then my parents left for the cruise and there was a note saying that my dad had put two gasoline tanks in the backyard along with some big bag of pesticide because he thought that's what the smell was from and there was the possibility that my mom's car was leaking the smell but that he didn't know. So after putting my mom's car on the street and realizing it was none of those above mentioned things I just decided to wait for my brother to come home from helping his girlfriend pack to find and deal with it. I didn't know that my brother was going to stay there for about two days and the entire house was starting to smell all funky and it was actually burning my nose and making me feel funny. The garage is connected to the attic and the attic is connected to the entire house, so of course the entire house would smell. :[ So I vented out the house and tried my damned hardest to locate the smell in the garage, but since the only way I can find it is by sniffing around, it wasn't exactly the safest thing FOR ME to do. After about 15 minutes of inadvertently huffing that shit in close range, I found what I believed to be the culprit which is this really old tin container of pesticide or SOMETHING which had somehow gotten a puncture and was slowly leaking the stuff all down this pole in the garage. So I got it (and tons of other pesticide bottles) and set them outside on the side of the garage and still waited for my brother to come home, to no avail. His phone was turned off all day and I didn't want to mess with the spillage of the stuff anymore. So hopefully when he comes home today, he'll deal with it since I probably have about half the remaining braincells that I did two days ago. Now personally I believe that my dad actually caused all of this. He's crazy and sneaky like that, so it's just like him to puncture something that has deadly f-ked up fumes (which the container explicitly says "do not breathe in" and "DO NOT USE IN HOME") and let it fester in the house while they're safely away on a cruise only to come back to a dead Chris and not be accused of murder because he would be on a cruise while I was being killed with stench. Diabolical I tell you. - chris

"I think Bell might actually be a snake since all she does is lick all the time."

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May 9th 2003 - Yay! I finally took my one and only final (that I'm going to) and I think I did pretty well. Do you know what that means? Conceivably, I won't have to take any more math, forever!! Unless I decide that I'm actually good at math and change my major or something. Because I definitely suck at programming languages, accounting, and macroeconomics. Anyhow. Time to talk about how much I hate my dog. So the other day my dog Bell was outside and I heard a squeeking sound that was another animal. So I rushed outside because I thought that she was killing a baby bird or something. Then I thought (while she was flipping it around and not listening to me to drop it) that it was a mouse. Finally it turned out to be a baby f-ing bunny! I mean BABY bunny, like just born and still all wet and eyes closed. So I had to chase Bell around the f-ing yard for fifteen minutes all the while she was really freaking out the bunny (and I thought chewing on it!). It just kept making all these frightened little bunny whines, it was so sad! After Bell eventually dropped the bunny and wasn't quick enough to snatch it back into her mouth, I grabbed her by the collar and practically choked her to death while making her get back into the house. After getting back to the bunny, it looked in bad shape. I couldn't see any blood, but it wasn't moving much and it was just breathing really hard. Long story short, my dad picked up the bunny, found the nest, put it back, and it ended up dying along with possibly two other baby bunnies. I hope the mother bunny happened to get the other two to safety or something, but to 'my' knowledge, there were three dead bunnies. All thanks to Bell the really f-ked up dog and my dad the harbinger of evil. It actually wouldn't surprise me if the mother bunny just knew that her baby bunny had been touched by evil and thus left it to die. So yeah, at least I have some pictures of the baby bunny when it was looking a bit better and moving (BEFORE my dad came home and messed with it) because it's so f-ing cute. And the REAL f-ked up thing is that later after I informed my parents that all the bunnies were dead and gone, they were outside with Bell saying things like "Go get the bunny, get the bunny!" I looked at both of them and told they were sick and left. My mom just couldn't see how horrible the whole thing was because she adamantly believes that Bell couldn't help it because of instinct and there's nothing we could do. This coming from a woman who thinks I'm going to hell for being gay. heh, Eric wanted me to say to her "So do you think it was instinct that Bell chased after the bunny, or do you think she CHOSE to chase the bunny?" Because she thinks being gay is a choice after all, yet she's such an advocate of instinct! So, after all of that I was pretty miffed at the dog, but does it get better? Nope! The very next day while hanging out with Liz I notice that one of my anime dvd's was on the side desk and it had been completely mangled and ripped apart beyond repair. She had bitten all over the dvd itself and it was unplayable. So there goes a really funny dvd that cost me 30 bucks down the trash because my dog won't leave shit alone! So now I'm just leaving her in the kitchen the entire time instead of letting her run around the house. Her memory's shitty so after every five minutes she'll forget that she's been in the kitchen for such a long time. And since my parents are going on a cruise for the week, Bell will be staying in the kitchen the entire time. =] It'll be great. She's lucky I'm even remembering her existence to let her outside or feed her. Eric is also gone for three days because he's up in Chicago visiting and going to some art thing up there. We'll just have to see if Eric actually decides to write any rants when he gets back because he certainly hasn't had any interest lately. - chris

"According to other sources, the answer is yes. Pubic hair does go grey when you get old."

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May 6th 2003 - backranting - Ah 4-20. This year was the first time that I accompanied everyone to the train tracks, the regular scenery for past 4-20's that I didn't go to. I was still an observer in said 4-20 because I just don't like what it does to me. It always rains on Easter, which also happened to coincide with 4-20 but thankfully after we all did our Easter plans, it became sunny and awesome for the train track trip. The group consisted of Liz, Kim, Tina, Jenny, Jenny's guy friend who used to be in the Marines, and myself. Sadly there are no pictures from the excursion because the two people who had cameras left them in the cars. Overall it was pretty cool, even if I didn't (yet) partake in the festivities. Afterwards we all left, and the train track part of the day probably lasted only about an hour or so. But since Kim's 23rd birthday was the next day, we were celebrating that evening as well. So fast forward a couple of hours and we're all (minus Jenny's friend, plus Kim's ex-girlfriend Michelle) just hanging out getting drunk and smoking some more, to which I actually smoke once which freaked everyone out and made them really happy for some odd reason. It wasn't that big of a deal, but I still don't really enjoy it so I just don't smoke. Plus it's freaking expensive. ;] I like how I can be extremely vague enough that I could be talking about at least one of three things.

Now, lets talk x-men. So it's the day after opening day and Eric and I go to see it. Eric had previously seen it the night before with other friends I haven't met. He's just plain embarrassed of me I tells ya. ;] So we were going to see the 8:30 show but it was sold out, so Eric opted for the 10:30 instead. There were two theaters simultaneously showing the movie so we got to choose either theater 1 or 2. Theater 1 was packed, so we went to 2 and it was also packed. Thus we ended up sitting in the second row from the front. I didn't really mind because there was this cute guy who was sitting in the very front row. Now, the movie itself was awesome. I wasn't keen on the fact that it was WAY too freaking close for such a visual movie such as that, but it was still pretty damned cool. And Colossus was hot. Okay, but what could have been the matter you ask? Well the fact I'm cursed would come to mind! 95% of all movies I go to end up going to tend to have some really annoying aspect in the form of stupid people. The first time this happened was way back in highschool when Eric and a bunch of his friends were going to see Braveheart and they invited me along. I got there separate and late and couldn't find them in the theater, so I sat in the very back row. Little did I know that a very large black man would sit pretty darned close to me and almost put his arm around me while cursing through the whole movie. THAT was an experience, let me tell you. The next example would be that of Coughy Boy. I think Eric, someone else, and I went to see Eve's Bayou, but there was this one boy who would hack-cough EVERY FIVE MINUTES!! Yes, throughout the entire movie, and it was very distracting. Hm.. there was also Kicky Guy. An extremely tall white guy who happened to be sitting behind me during.. I can't remember. But throughout the entire movie, he repeatedly kicked the back of my chair. Some of the times I felt he would kick THROUGH my chair. Then there was the couple who were having sex in the front row of .. another movie I forget the title of. Gotta thank the whiny babies for making an appearance during Harry Potter II. And now, x-men. Keep in mind there are lots of other times, but it's late and my brain can't remember them all. When we decided to stay in theater 2 and got the second row seats, I decided to allow two seats of space between me and this other guy in the center of the row. This was a big mistake. A little bit before the movie starts, a couple decides they're going to sit in those two seats that I had saved as a buffer zone! Now these two people were f-ing annoying. Eric will attest to it as well. They talked throughout the entire damned movie, I actually think the guy went DOWN on the girl, or at least gave her a finger job or something, because she was giggling and the guy's head was in her lap. The girl actually repeatedly asked to just go home, and I wished they had! Alas, no. More talking and giggling. I really can't believe that people would have this much disrespect for others around them, and they even paid about 8 bucks just to talk through it! If I had the mutant ability to kill people with my mind or at least suspend them in time and space .. indefinitely, then they REALLY would have been the first people that night to get it. In summary, x-men is still a kikkas movie with incredibly hot people (guys and gals) starring in it. I guess in the world of mutants, God just kinda said "okay, so you're a freak and everyone hates and fears you, but at least you've got looks!" In other news, it's almost time to start working at the pool again. Thank God, because I'm in desperate need of a paycheck. .. I wonder who'll be coming back to work this summer? - chris

"'There is only one thing I'm afraid of.' No, possibly two things. Make that three. Huh? Okay four. Damn, you got me. Five. Leave me alone!"

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May 5th 2003 - Woohoo! I can finally add stuff to the website! Over the past two weeks or so, Eric and I have been unable to add anything to the website. The below April rant actually took me about an hour to upload, on the MAY page because it definitely wouldn't let me add it to the april page. I actually had to copy/paste my huge april rant one sentence at a time! Sadly though, now that I find out that I 'can' update our website, I don't have anything to rant about!! Strike that. I actually just don't feel like organizing my thoughts into rant form just now. ;] The two things I will sooner or later rant about will be 4-20 and Kim's birthday, and then I think I'll rant about two nights ago when Eric and I went to see X-men 2, which was quite the experience, like all times I go to the movies are. I can't help it that crazy people like to sit next to me. - chris

"If I left my arm in a vat of soda, would it eventually dissolve?"

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May 5th 2003 - Is Geocities still being a stupid cratch?

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April 28th 2003 - I can't believe that aside from Eric's 'not really a rant', I OWN the April 2003 rants section! It's not that Eric didn't have 'time' to make rants, oh no, he completely did. He also had things to rant about, but he just chose NOT to. Yes website, he hates you. BUT ANYWAY. So two nights ago, Kim, Jenny and I went to this TV Preview my mom had gotten tickets for, which is weird because my mom never watches tv. It was so fun and hilarious. Not the actual TV Preview itself, but because Kim, Jenny and I just really had a great time with it. First they drew lots for three people to win an assortment of prizes like a soda or some pampers or shampoo. When I heard there was going to be 250 dollars in door prizes, I thought it would be cooler than that, but alas. So then the first tv show we watched was some drama called Soulmates. It was completely stupid. The premise of the show was that this woman psychiatrist actually had a previous life along with these other people she keeps interacting with. Her previous life was some time during WWII, or I,.. they didn't say. Unless they did and I was just in a coma because it wasn't interesting. And WTF?! We just had our house sprayed for bugs and I have a spider crawling on my arm!! So anyway, during the show there had something to do with a murder which may or may not have been committed in the past, and a current murder in the present and a spooky computer company with an ominous symbol. So yeah, the show was a bomb. They had bad acting and tried to cram WAY too much information into the one hour than they should have if they were trying to make it a series. Then next we watched a comedy with Valerie Harper called City. The show was sort of better, but only when it's shown right after such crap like Soulmates. The title sequence was really long and had this cheesy piano music playing throughout the entire thing. It was like Cheers, but with no lyrics. So that's pretty much what the show was like. Not that it was set in a bar, but it should have been shown in the 80's to get any good ratings. Evidently Valerie Harper's character ran "The City" which I thought was a newspaper or something, but nope! She actually ran a city! Anyhow, evidently I have a really bizarre and dark sense of humor, because the second commercial we saw during City was about alzheimers (I don't care how you spell that) and it had crudely drawn cartoon people and they were saying things about their affliction which were hilarious! Well, at least I was the only person who thought so. When the grandpa cartoon said "Sometimes I forget my grandson's name", I just died laughing (though I was able to keep it silent)! I literally couldn't stop until it was already into the second commercial! Lots of people were looking at me and Kim was just kind of snikering and saying "Chris, this isn't the part you laugh at." Ah well, it was funny. Then after that dumb tv show, they had us watch three commercials and write down our thoughts. The first commercial was about some lipstick called Forever. I said that it was hard to believe the lipstick lasted "Forever" and that the girls in the commercial were unattractive. The second commercial was about diapers, to which I wrote down the following:

I am never having kids.