Hey gang!! Okay, im not sure who i am talking to when i say that. Wait!! Im talking to the mass of people who check this website every day!.....okay, still not sure who im talking to there. Ah well, hello to whoever reads this. Didnt that sound like a message left before the end of the world and somebody checks it down in some deep abandonded building and the crackle of the intercom comes up and my voice speaks across aeons? hmm, well anyway. okay, well i really want a gang now. but not like the Getalong gang, although i WILL accept a moose into my gang. But only one. Meese are big. Or moose. But lets start a gang shall we? Okay, you, yea you..over there. I'm gonna name you...Vinnie the Blender. You'll get me smoothies and other blendable items. YOU!! though, im going to name..hmm... Ratfarticus McTalleymcwogglebof, you will be in charge of giving Tums to all the Rats in the dump. Well, i chose you because of your compassion, and gas. Wait, maybe i should put somebody else on that job. Because!! You might be using all the Tums for yourself, and not the rats. You try living in a dump and eating nothing but trash. Oh, really? I'm sorry, I didnt know. Okay, you can keep that job. Excelsior! Okay, we need some more people. So far we just have Vinnie and Ratfarticus. Thats only two, i think a gang is officially at least four people, maybe five. A posse on the other hand, is at least ten, one of whom wears a bandana around his face and goes by the name Scratch. wait, thats the devil's name. Well, a posse with the devil is a good posse. So anyway, hey you!! yea you with the flask!! I'm gonna call you Scotch!! It's kinda like Scott, but better! Alcoholically better!! You know, i kinda want to have a son named Scotch. But im worried that i would be a horrible father, because i would always be looking for a oppourtunity to be really humurous and ironic. Like taking my son Scotch to the ocean and letting him play on the big rocks and such, just so i can take a picture and title it "Scotch on the rocks!!" and then leave him there. "daddy wait! dont leave me!" "sorry son! ive done what ive wanted to do!" and then when i show that picture to people they would be like "aw, thats so cute. odd name though. How old is he?" "i dont know, i left him there." HA HA!! Anyway, back to my gang. I wanted before to have a gang of french whores. All with guns that shot confectioners sugar. I thought it was kinky. But ive grown since then. But it is really difficult to maintain a gang/cult/following/army of french whores. So oppourtunistic. And they when you get them off the crack they go straight for the confectioners sugar. Which is bad, considering you have them all armed with guns that shot confectioners sugar. So soon they are all shooting each other, and gettin off on it. I'm tellin ya, it is too much. So thats why i have decided to take it easy, trade down if you will to a much more laid back life. With Vinnie, Ratfarticus, and Scotch, ive found my niche. But i need more. So thats why ive come to you, Stink McCool. Yup, thats your new name. As you can tell, ive had a hankerin for names that start with Mc. All of my whores were named that, well most of them were already named Mick, because about 40 of them i cloned from Mick Jagger. But i had to put them down, because they were just too scary. All the towns people were like "oh my god! A prostitute Mick Jagger! Who speaks french!" and badly too. All they could do was that haughty french laugh, "oh hoh!" and twirl their berets around. And then they would stick their hands on their hips and pout out their lips like Mick Jagger did, but to really see it you have to imagine him as a french whore, which most people do not wish to do. So anyway Stink McCool, you will be in charge of always getting me really cold sodas. As for your first name, you will also spend time with Ratfarticus, partners you shall be. Also, i wish for your left hand to be replaced with an outboard motor. So that, if we are ever persued by mendicants and charlatans i can hop on your back and you can dip your left hand into the water and you can be my boat!! I know its alot to ask, but i woulndt ever ask you to do something i wouldnt myself do. But see, how can "I" be the boat, AND the passenger? its physically impossible. So that is why you will have the out board motor for a left hand and I will retain my nomal, human hand. Okay, well im done with my gang for now! but If anybody reading wishes to be part of my gang, write me and ask! not everybody will have to replace a body part.

"Unless you can turn into a tiger don't you be EATIN my frosted flakes!! Bitch!"

-- May 29th

Hey everybody!! Yea I'm Dr. Nick from the simpsons, okay im really not, im Eric. but damn if im not animated and fictional and possibly voiced by Hank Azaria. I hope that people are reading these, not for any particular reason but just for the hell of it. I was thinking about adding a Raves page to the website, granted if i knew how, and rave about all kinds of cool things, but i can only think of two things at the moment, so ill include them here. First off!! A super good CD is the Pete Yorn CD Musicforthemorningafter. Very very good. I've been listenin to it alot, and so is the U2 cd All that you cant leave behind. Good cd also. Hmm, I've heard that the movie Pearl Harbor is okay, or good. I'm not sure which. I got Superman on dvd though!! thats awesome! Gotta love the movie, and the special features are also very cool. And while i really know nothing about computers, the show The Screen Savers on Tech Tv is an awesome show, mainly due to the coolness of the host Leo Laporte, and the super cute and pretty Megan Morrone who gives tips and good things to download all the time. She cute. And Leo is just a very cool guy, a joy and pleasure to watch, even if you have no interest in or knowledge of computers. So its a keen show. Hmm, well, other than those things i cant think of anything today. And since ive learned how to manipulate the website and add new things i might just add a new rant every day! I almost wrote ass there instead of add, but there would really be no differnce if i had. Namaste!

"I just used my library card to kill a man. And then, after I killed him, I took the book that he was about to return, and I didn't return it. I'm baaaaaaad. Oh no! I'm a sheep!!"

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May 28th: Eric's log.

I so freakin need telepathy!

Yea, thats right, i do. You ever try to get ahold of someone, but you NEVER can, and they don't call back, and you dont want to seem like your calling too much, so you dont call again, but then you wonder, well what if they dont call. And then they dont and that sucks. And why cant I ever find really cold sodas!? Is it too much to ask to buy a soda and have it freakishly cold. Ah well, but if i had telepathy so many things could be solved, or at least a good amount of time spent wondering about things would be ended, and i could spend all that time wondering about other things. Wait, i might not have to wonder about those because i could use telepathy. But anyway, trying to get ahold of someone can really suck sometimes. I really dont have all that much to rant about. And sadly im not in the whole "im going to be all creative and goofy" Chris needs an oscillating fan as well. Ah well. Im sure ill be all creative and happy later. Hopefully. I just dunna like feeling like im rushing around and being anxious. YAY!! aren't our journal entries just HAPPY!!

"i know what your thinking. okay, i really dont. No telepath =("

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May 26th 2041 - Watch as Eric jumps into the fray!! And gets off his lazy butt and acutally does something for the website!! As I put it, i havnt thought that i have put that much into the partnership on this website as of late, but as CHRIS put it, i havnt done a DAMN thing!! well i showed him!!! oh yea, see, first, i slashed his tires. And then, i took his tires, and sold them to a bunch of cut-throat thugs, WHILE wearing my Chris disguise, and so then when they found out that the tires were slashed and were of no use to them, they came after Chris. And then they all jumped his house and started shooting so Chris got the hell out of there. And I came over and im like "dude!! i wanna burn this cd!! where are you!?" and so I KIND of feel responsible for Chris' flight for his life....but not really. Hey, has anybody ever seen the movie Blade? its not that bad, but what is up with Denzel Washington? oh wait, its wesley snipes, or is that mario van pebbles? or is it laurance fishburn? oh wait no its wesley snipes. He's too much of a hard case in the movie. it would have been such a better movie if he had worn an apron and had a lil spatula and then when the vampires came he was making some fettucini and he JUST got the cheese right and the vampires come over and just start sprayin blood all over the place, and Blade just goes NUTS and kills all of them. Granted, he does already have that whole "revenge" thing going on, but..im done. Something else to rant about!! hmmm....I think I would rather fight a bear underwater than watch an Adam Sandler movie. And i mean a big bear, DEEP underwater...with a bear trap on my crotch and a bear trap on the bear's crotch, because that would make him even madder. Yea, i would rather do that. Hmm..hey everybody! if'n ya like good music go buy the Pete Yorn cd, Musicforthemorningafter, yup all one word. cause he likes to confuse ya like that. its a really good cd though. wouldnt have to fight a bear underwater to make me want to listen to that, no you wouldnt. okay maybe you would, because that would be rather entertaining. Chris bought some snazzy shoes!! they have liscence plates on the back of them that says "HI!! my name is Chris, and im Mack-tastic!! Dudical!! You know, have you ever just been walking around and thinking "what will i do today? I think im going to buy some Snazzy shoes and then watch Tech TV!!" They're big shoes. and they have those roller skates in the bottom of them. and rabbit ears on the front of them, and when you run, they blur. and when you walk, they blur, but only if your drunk. Wow, how is this for my first entry into the ponderous pontifications? Hope ya enjoy! i shall be back in a bit. Eric

"She's cute as a bunny and sexy as a puma!!"

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May 25th 2001 - I had quite the week. Went to my first gay (actually lesbian) club, got hit on which was really freaky to say the least (I have this irrational fear of strangers, damn society and their imprints that I'm gonna get killed!), had my 21st birthday which sucked ass because my right leg foot/leg muscle has a charlie horse or something wrong with it and it feels like it's going to curl up into this unnatural position and never come out so I'll have to get my leg cut off and get a bionic leg, my sleeping pills aren't working as well and I'm not getting any sleep lately (I either have periodic limb movement disorder and/or I'm a hypochondriac, fun stuff!), and possibly I have a cold! So yeah, I feel like a really f-ked up person lately who just has too many problems, but everyone I know says other people have these problems too. So either they're just not talking about them, or everyone is lying to me. So I think I may go to a hypnotherapist just for fun to see if I can't get this possible hypchondriac thing taken care of. I might just be a really a bad worrier, either way, I'm sure they can do 'something' to my brain so that I won't need drugs that'll give me f-ked up side-effects. Either hyponosis, or polysomnogram (I think it was) if I can find a place, where they'll hook me up to all kinds of cool machines and shit and record me while I sleep to see exactly what's going on. That'll be fun. Can't wait! Ah the only thing giving me solace at the moment is the fact that Tombraider the movie comes out June 15th with Angelina Jolie =] and that hopefully it won't suck because it's a movie based on a game. I'm almost sure it won't suck, because geez, it has Angelina Jolie in it! She's awesome!! If I weren't gay, I'd sure as hell.. uh, say hi to her because she's Angelina Jolie and she's married to Billy Bob and would never ever give me a second look. Well, that was my fun rant about how I'm probably the most f-ed up person on the planet, join me in a song of .. well I can't spell it right now, but that stupid camp song that everyone sings once in their life. OR Call me now for your free tarot readin'. (Miss Cleo rocks! But I'm sure she already knows that because she probably reads her own fortune all the time) - chris - oh and for those who care, my mom is doing a lot better right now, but has yet to have her gall bladder taken out like I had previously thought. It's going to be sometime next week or so.

"So yeah, theres me, this girl...and Robert Downey Jr. running away from dinosaurs.. and Robert Downey Jr died while killing a dinosaur and saving us. - eric"

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May 19th 2001 - Well, at least now the scanner is the 'least' of my worries! Today has been bad. I probably went to sleep around 2 in the morning or something, had a really f-ed up dream where I'm just falling a whole bunch and then feeling like my body is spazzing, then I wake up to the phone at 7 in the morning (keep in mind I normally wake up at noon). It was my mom's cell phone on the caller id, so I answer and it's my dad. My dad sucks at giving news and I think was the main reason I flipped out so much. The first thing he says is "We're at the hospital" all somber-like, and since it's him calling, I know it has to do with my mom. So immediately I'm just flooded with horrible things that could be going on, mostly that she's dying. I almost couldn't stand at that point. Then he continues, still in his somber-like attitude that it's nothing serious and she's just in a lot of pain, that the doctor thinks it's her gall bladder. Whatever the hell 'that' is! Actually I looked it up in my frantic state of confusion and got up to speed on the condition that it was probably just gall stones and they'd probably have to remove my mom's gall bladder. But me being the empathetic person I am with no shut off switch, totally started feeling like shit. Basically whatever I thought my mom was probably going through, my mind somehow produced those feelings in me. Sucks huh? Right it does. They didn't stop until she finally came home three hours later and told me what happened. They have to remove her gall bladder this monday, my birthday! Happy birthday to me. Granted my grandfather died this past March, nothing till now has made me feel like something in my brain was going to snap and that I just wouldn't be able to handle life anymore and I'd be irreversably insane if my mom had actually had something really wrong with her and died. I wish I could stop worrying so much about stuff, regardless of the circumstances. I was just thrown a wonderful hand of cards by genetics: passive, worrier, way too empathetic, social anxiety, gay, and who knows what else. So as my "awww" moment of the day, whomever reads this, go give your mom, family members, or special someone a hug and tell them you love them because life is way too random to not do so and then regret it. - chris

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May 17th 2001 - Remember how I was gonna take the scanner back? Well Best Buy is a bunch of bitches. Okay, not all of them, they were actually really damned friendly, except for this one girl who wouldn't let me return it because it was after 30 days. What a hoe. So there goes a lot of money down the drain, and to top it off, my car (the one I just spent a fortune on for new windows?? see the Damn if... section for details) won't start anymore! I have no job, barely any money, and now my ownly means of obtaining a job to 'get' money is gone. I think I'm so f-ing happy I'm gonna go pick flowers or something. Not really, but what a nice thought, right? WRONG!! I'm sorry, come back, I didn't mean to yell. Good news is that I'm finally out of my writers block, well maybe anyway. I think the last time I wrote any poetry was the end of 2000, so writing anything is a good sign. Since I can't put any pictures up (unless I go to the bastard that is Kinko's and pay an extravagant amount of money to use their stuff) I may put up a writings page, or not, who knows. I'm sure if anyone is actually coming to our site, they're sick of listening to my ramblings already. But what a better way to feel good about ones 'own' life than reading the crappy things that happen in other peoples. So if you're listening to the radio and you hear that cover of Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm, go listen to the original Michael Jackson version because it's better! Better I tells ya! - chris

"Who knows when Eric will stop being mack-tacular and work on the site? The shadow knows. Oh wait, he only knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men, nevermind!"

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May 15th 2001 - Still can't make any 'real' additions to the website, only rants. It's really frustrating that I can't do anything on my own. We've decided to just take the scanner back to Best Buy, but I can't do it myself because it's already 30 days past the return policy and I'm not assertive enough to "bitch long enough till I get my way". Pardon me for getting all the passive genes in my insane family of lunatics. So my brother couldn't take it back tonight because him and his friends are having a Kevin Spacey movie night. Hopefully he can do it tomorrow, as my father has already said if he doesn't do it, he'll blow up his car. Among other threats, dad has already threatened to smash the computer because my brother ate all the veggie-dip. Real sane guy, I must say. As for other additions, I'm just finding it difficult to maintain the site because all of a sudden, recently I've actually acquired a life (of all things!) and been out till 3 in the morning every night. And Eric has been quite busy as well, with school and work and being mack-tacular and all, so he can't exactly devote all his spare time to think up clever things for the website. To top it off, I'm still trying to find a job for the summer. It's more difficult than one would think. Well, at least it is when you're me. I utterly refuse to get an 8-5 job. I'd die before that. Odd reasons why, but I'm an odd person. So I'm employed by two temp agencies, I can type 87 wpm with 0% error, among other typing wonders dealing with numeric and alpha-numeric, and I still can't find a job because companies are dumb and want someone for (drum roll) 8-5. I can probably type faster than a lot of people in their companies, and I'd do the exact same amount of typing work in less time, for less money. Do they realize that though? My lack of a job answers that. Well, this is too long of a rant already for just bitching about my life, so I think I'll just go driving around while listening to Esthero. Joy and rapture. - chris

"Flavor-ice is a real wonder of the ages. Flavor 'and' frozen water, but somehow it's more than that."

AND since none of you have made use of the survey, it's hereby stricken from the record. Unless you really feel the need to write a haiku or something.

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May 8th 2001 - Well, the website sure has taken its toll of hardtimes in the past week or two. I can't wait till my brother a) fixes the computer, b) moves out of the house, c) if 'not' b) he at least stops f-ing with the computer!! No, I'm not bitter. Too bad I'm too damned lazy to actually investigate on my own how to fix computer hardware, then maybe I could fix the computer. But then that would probably just show my brother he can do whatever the hell he wants with no consequences to his actions. Damn it all!! So anyway, went to the doctor yesterday and damnit-all if I don't have high blood pressure! I swear, I think it's a fluke and a ploy to get me to pay the doctor an enourmous amount of money for nothing. ;] BUT!! Fun thing to do when you have nothing else better to do on your mind: Talk in a british accent for the entire day. Possibly making people believe you actually are british (unless you really 'are' british then nevermind), though that's not really the point, it's just plain fun! If you can actually talk in a british accent for a whole day, why not try THREE!! You'll find out probably that it's incredibly difficult to actually 'stop' talking like that and you have to devote a lot of energy to get your regular yank accent back. Since my family has no sense of humor whatsoever, they actually yelled at me because I was talking like that and thus I found out how hard it is to switch back to yank. Either/or, if you have the sense of humor and the patience to, try the accent thing and get as many of your friends to do it as well. It's very contagious and damned fun, well, if you're an easily amused person as me and most my friends are. - chris

"I'm gonna sell my xanex to joel and give morgan 20% of the profits for the hook-up, I'll be rich!"

SURVEY! Answers can be emailed to us or simply put in the guestbook: Do you, as the reader, want to take a more interactive role in our lives? AND Is a hug on the first date a good sign or a bad sign? (Please answer survey in essay form, haiku if you're bored, or for challenge in iambic pentameter!)

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