March 30th 2002 - I'm in searing pain right now. I'll explain later. - chris

"owww"

--

March 23rd 2002- Ah this website has been around longer than I have, if i were less than a year old. But today marks the one year anniversary of our website, first started out as an assignment in one of Chris' classes (oh its Eric here) it became SO much more, why, do you remmeber that one time that you, me and the website went to the bar, and the website starting hitting on this girl, but it turned out to be a guy with long hair!??! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Man that was funny, boy was the website embarrassed!!! Oh OH oh!! And the time that the website went to that job interview, and it turned out that the boss was the very same guy that he hit on!? MAN! But there have been sad times, like the time the website died and we had to revive him with the blood of young virgins, thus creating a zombie website. Have you noticed your computer inching a little closer to you, a little too close? Like it was going to eat your head? Yea, ive noticed it, but it wasn't the computer, it was the website. We never intended for it to become a zombie, we intended Chris to become a zombie, but he became a vegetarian zombie and only ate the heads of lettuce, and certain dutch people. Wow, what all has gone on since this website was begotten, alot of stuff has gone on in the past...month? Yes its been about a month, a little over. I have a girlfriend! I havnt had a girlfriend in......wow years....i think 47 at last count....but she's really cool and nice and super pretty, her name is Catherine. Now, if i were going to make up a pet name for her you would think that i might go with Catherine the great, because she is pretty great, but that would be too simple. Too bad her name isnt Meg because i could name her Megatron. But since her name is Catherine, and i dont want to call her Catherine the great, I will simply call her Catherine the Meta Crab. Not that she resembles a crab at all, except for the claws, but she's very pretty and crabs usually arent. Except for Mr. Krabs on Spongebob, i really like him. He's one of my favorites on that show. But he isn't that pretty. But maybe i shouldnt call her Meta Crab, im pretty sure she wouldnt like that. But she's really nice and its fun and its fun being with her, we've gone out on a few dates and i like her and she likes me so we talked and whoo hoo, there ya go. I have a girlfriend. WHO HAS NO LEGS!!! Okay she has legs, very nice legs too. She has a little boy too, he's really cute, he just turned 3 a few months ago. He's adorable, i had some paint in that little area between your finger and finger nail and he saw it and thought my finger was hurt, he seemed kinda worried but i told him that it was just paint, and she said "he paints pictures, like you did when you went to day care that one day" and he said something and took off running and came back with the painting he made to show it to me. But that same evening we went to a movie and we came back and he was still up (i think i wound him up by laughing and smiling when he was acting goofy) and she was going to put him to bed but he said he wanted to show me somethign and she thought she meant he wanted to show HER something, but he said "noo...that guy!!" he wanted to show me his little light up Mojo Jo Jo toy. And he had an accident (diapers) before we left, and i think he wanted to show me that, but i didnt want to see that. Anyway! Its all cool and exciting and neat and different, because its been quite awhile since ive gone out with anybody, and we click and its easy to talk to her and she doesnt think im wierd! Thats always a good sign, and she doesnt really think the wire babies are that wierd, that i know of. She has just heard about them, never seen them, so maybe she might freak out, i dont know. I freaked out the freaky kids at school, all those "Oh we are so different, we dress with saftey pins holding our clothes together and we like to dress freaky to freak people out and get attention....whats that? oh my god!! Wire babies? Thats so freaky!" Ah good times. Well ive rambled on enough, and its the website's bedtime, wait its only 4:15 in the afternoon...okay well its lunch time. GO!!

--

March 16th 2002 - Additional ** Rachel had a hilarious story she told me about sexual harrassment at her work and a girl there who had the 'best' line in the world to give to guys who are saying crap to you (you being a girl, hopefully). So, if in the situation and you can actually use this, it sounds like a great line. "You've got such a nice mouth, makes me wish I had a dick." I have to say that is one of the more funnier come backs I've ever heard. Anyhow, use it if you feel like it, because I certainly can't. ;] - chris

-

March 16th 2002 - Well, it's been a year yesterday since my grandpa died. No one said anything about it though. I'm curious as to whether they remembered. They probably do, it's not something you forget or anything. I planned on visiting the grave, but I got side tracked. I think I'll do that tomorrow. Hm, on a more happy note. I actually went to my support group on Thursday. Rachel wanted to go, which is just funny since she's 'not' gay. We haven't been in two months because she has a class on Thursday's but since it was Spring Break, we got to go. The bad part was that it was new advisor question night, which means group members were to ask questions of the new wannabe advisors to figure if we want them to be advisors for group. This wouldn't really apply to me since I'll be turning 22 soon and not allowed to go to group any more. There was this girl there though who wanted to sit in because she was writing a paper on gay people or something, and that group meeting was definitely not the meeting any straight person should be using as the basis for what being gay is all about. ;] So everyone's asking really retarded questions like "Who's your ideal celebrity date?" or "What kind of animal would you be?" and really STUPID things that definitely didn't have anything to do with how good of an advisor they'd be. There were a couple of questions that actually were good, but other than that, not really. One of the questions was even "if your vagina could wear clothes, what would it wear?" (which evidently is from The Vagina Monologues), but STILL. This girl was trying to get info on gay people and I was 'not' going to let her write about gay people as being stupid, vain people who talk about what their vagina's would wear! So for closing they were going to actually go around the entire group and say what our vagina's would wear, and if you didn't want to do that, then you could say what your celebrity dream date would be. So I actually raised my hand and suggested that since the girl was writing a paper and evidently picked the wrong night to come, to have her ask a question for her paper and we all just answer it. (go me!!) The sad part was that the question she asked (which was a good one) ended up taking 40 minutes to go around the entire group to answer. I felt really bad since I was the one who suggested we do it, but the answers everyone gave were sooo good! The question was "What do we (straight people) have to do, or how far do we have to go to make things better for gay people? As in, so we all live together in harmony" (that's not exact quote but you get the gist). I said that straight people should stop thinking it's a choice to be gay. Another guy said that his best friend who was straight said he was cool with him being gay, but also didn't want him to ever talk about it and definitely wasn't comfortable with it, so that was another thing. And three of the advisors commented that it's cool when friends or family 'say' that they're cool with their friends or relatives being gay but that they'd rather have them say it to five other people than to them. It was just in itself a whole different group session and everyone had really good suggestions, too many to name, and it was just really nice and uplifting, even if it did take 40 minutes and group ended at 10:10 rather than 9:30. The other cool thing about group was that I actually said more than "Chris, 21, okay week." .. I actually said like four or five sentences! It was awesome. Sure I can write really long winded rants, but other than that, I'm not really good for talking infront of people. I'm usually of the opinion that unless I have something really interesting to say, why say it at all. And even then, I'm rather socially enept around people I don't know. On the new news, my friend Kim's girlfriend broke up with her so that sucks. If Kim wants, I'll make a "Michelle Really Sucks" webpage, so we'll see. And I just watched a movie called Ghost World. Liz, Rachel and Kim all were raving about it and thought it was really funny and the best movie. I personally thought it was kind of sad, just because it was a pretty good depiction of real life and how there's not necessarily going to be a happy ending. I finally got to hang out with my friend Morgan after two months (yay!) which is what I got side tracked by when I thought I was going to visit my grandpa's grave, but I at least had a good time. I lent her brother Star Ocean 2 for psx because he's the one who lent me Tales of Destiny 2 (you can read my review of that on the reviews page). I'm trying to get him to play Xenogears but I just don't think he'll appreciate the deepness that it goes into. That game is just all around perfect on so many levels it's not even funny. Oh yeah, and my mom wanted me to go to church today because evidently they were taking family pictures for the church directory. I would have 'loved' to go except for the few stupid reasons that if my church knew I was gay they'd HATE ME!! Yeah, really dumb huh? So then my brother was giving me shit about not going and 'he' didn't even end up going! I also haven't been to church in 6 years or something, so it's not like it was that important. Ah well, my life is so odd. Time to drown my sorrows of Spring Break ending in some good ole anime. - chris

"quotes can come later"

--

March 6th 2002- Hola everybody! It's Eric here. I had a great time sunday night!!! Why did i have a great time? I cant tell you. And its not because i would have to kill you if i told you, its because you are already dead, and i dont tell dead people what i do on sunday nights. I just wanted to rant and say odd things for a bit, and how perhaps Chris and I should team up together using art to do what he was talking about, about promoting good images of gay people. Not to promote homosexuality, that would be the same as promoting any kind of sex, and i dont know how many bill boards there might be that would say "Start your day off right, go down on somebody!" Or "booty; its the other meat" or "freaky circus sex, with nine essential vitamins for your breakfast nutrition" Perhaps there should be those bill boards cause those would just be funny. So perhaps we could figure something out. I just found a graphologist book at the library and bought it for a quarter, only for the fact that it had the wierdest chapter of them all out there, and it was titled something like "is homosexuality a crime" or along those lines. Oh hey its Marsha! My friend marsha works at the library, she's a neat lady. Has a harpoon for a hand. Okay not really, but she is still pretty cool. And a reeeeaally good artist. And a super cool lady! You can see part of her arm in the picture of the wire babies on the artwork page! I cut it off her just for that picture. I want to eat doritos.

"Anybody ever notice how Chris' rants are usually about SOMETHING and mine are usually about nothing at all and i just rant around like a mad man?"

--

March 6th 2002 - Well it's an hour till the 6th anyway so it doesn't matter. Damn hearing about people you haven't seen or thought about in a long ass time is kind of depressing. Especially when they used to mean something to you. My mom is a children's leader or teacher at some church, I'm also not sure if it's the for the same church women's organization I belief BSF (maybe?!) or not, but anyway. So the very first girl I ever had a crush on when I was in church(yeah, hilarious to say now on both accounts) is getting married. So me and my mom are talking about all that and that she (the girl) was probably going to ask about me because she was going to become a children's teacher also. I didn't say anything because what was I going to say? My mom still cries herself to sleep supposedly every night because of the fact I'm gay, still believes I'm going to hell, etc, etc. She definitely doesn't want it known or spread around that her little boy is gay, so she's not exactly going to tell all about me. Heh, I can almost visualize my mom and her having a conversation about me. "So, does Chris have a girlfriend yet?" .. "Nope, not yet, but we hope so someday." Gah, anyway. So that just kind of sucks and it's a slight reminder of my mom's distaste for this part of my life. Now, normally this would be a fine interaction with my mom, talking about the wedding of my old friend and all, but no.. it goes on. Not only is 'she' getting married, but my mom lists off a whole barage of people I used to hang out with at church who are getting married as well! Why is this annoying? Sure I don't have a boyfriend, nor have I ever had a relationship yet because I'm just weird like that.. but it's still a low punch since I (as yet) can NEVER get married and it's just kinda hurtful. I'm sure happy for them and all, but there's still that twinge of pain and sunken gut feeling that goes with it. - chris

"yea, but you could get a sham marriage, you just choose not too - eric" =P;;

What a better time to once again link my friend LaToya's paper on same sex marriages!

--

March 5th 2002 - Go me for actually having 'some' convictions and the guts to actually confront my Sociology teacher. Sure it could have gone a lot better and sure I possibly could have chosen a better time than right after class, but I think it's the principal of the matter that I even talked to her about it. In the handbook for class, the teacher has a whole lot of pages concerning different things in the course such as statistics and things. Well a specific page outlines a list of social problems. In this list are things like racism, ageism, sexism, rape, and seemingly all bad things with the exception of a couple like environment and so forth. The environment is not a social problem, persay, but more like the destruction of the environment is the social problem. Anyhow, that's not the one I was irked about. In this list, one of the social problem noted was homosexuality. Now, in a large list of negative connotated problems, I was kind of shocked to see homosexuality as the problem instead of, say, homophobia?!? As Eric put it, "It's like blaming black people for racism." I wish he would have been there when I talked to my teacher, ah well. It's cool that I didn't get all embarrassed and red in the face when I talked to her about this because I'm not exactly the most out going person in the world. So she had her stupid little say about why she said homosexuality is the social problem because she would "group" homophobia in with hate crimes or something. She said she put homosexuality as a social problem because, and not that she's "against it or thinks that it is wrong", but because regionally, homosexuality is evidently a problem. The examples she gave being that in San Francisco homosexuality isn't really a problem, it's rather understood but in the south it's really frowned upon. Not only do I think that's a crock of shit, but it pissed me off that even if I did want to go to a higher up and bring this to their attention, she had viable enough reasons that since she claims that she didn't mean homosexuality to mean "bad", that it wouldn't really do much and it would seem like a much bigger battle than it should have been. I don't think you can just say that in San Francisco homosexuality is okay because there are "so many of them there." I'm almost sure that homophobia runs rampant 'everywhere', not just in the south. Oh, so since it's 'okay' to be gay in San Francisco, all gay people should go there to escape being beaten or killed or just plain being behaved rudely to - OR - homophobia! My teacher also loves to talk about catholic priests who molest little boys. Sure she doesn't come out and 'say' that she believes homosexuality to be wrong, but she's certainly not painting such a pretty picture of it. I think all the people in that damned class are homophobes (who probably don't even 'know' any gay people) with the exception of may two people, and the teacher is making us read stuff like "The Tearoom Trade" which completely depicts homosexual acts as horrible things which are going on secretly behind everyone's backs in parks and restrooms. The article also says that a lot of the people in the tearoom trade are supposed heterosexual married men who go and have sex, etc with other men in the bathrooms. Oh, but PLEASE don't comment on the whole straight pornography ring or prostitution going on, nooo, that would be stupid!! I didn't "choose" to be gay, I certainly don't 'want' to be gay, but I am gay and I don't feel myself to be a social problem. It just sucks that there are no good images of the gay community being spread around in order to help fight homophobia. Instead we get "gay people choose to be sex mongers who molest children, should be killed and beaten and are going to burn in hell because God hates them." Gee, SIGN ME UP THEN!! - chris

"This message was brought to you by the letters F, U, and the numbers that make up most of the population."

--

March 2nd 2002 - Okay, so now I feel a little bad. Why? Because for a little while anyway, I actually had forgotten we even 'had' a website. The reason for that being purely school oriented. At this point in time is a hectic thing known as mid-terms. What are mine? Well, respectively, I have to write a 6 page, three questions essay for Cult. Anthropology, and a 15 (yes you read that correctly) page autobiography not only detailing 'my' life, but a bit of life from my immediate and extended family for my Intro to Sociology class. Granted the 15 page paper-o-death isn't due till April, it's only a month away and that's 15 f-ing pages!! I also have 7 or so stories I have to read for my Fiction class. I'm a horrible procrastinator (I've even got the nifty decoder ring that came with joining the club! It's only half finished). That's probably a reason why I had totally forgotten about the website. It's not that I forgot it 'existed', as I was thinking of things to add to it every once in a while, but I just never got around to it is all. I definitely need to rework my html code and have all the images pre-loaded so that way there isn't that lag for the alternate-images on the main page, and who else knows what I'll make now that I'm a month and a half into my JavaScript class. Now I know how to make pop-up windows. Be scared, be very scared. At least if I make a pop-up window for the site, the teacher is a very nice person and is showing us how to make auto-closable windows that will go away on their own so you don't have to close them by clicking. I wonder if there's a way to figure out whether a person has already viewed the pop-up so when they hit the "back" button or happened to go back to the page with the pop-up that it wouldn't show up again. Hm.. ah well. The only other thing that's been on my mind is the whole concept of God and the like. Yes, my job is so boring that I actually get time to contemplate deep thoughts without being bothered. I like to think of myself as moderately religious. Sure I went to church a lot when I thought I was "straight", and then it just kind of tapered off and I stopped going. Then when the whole "gay" thing happened along and ruined my life, I really had this distaste for churches as evidently they have a distaste for me. This doesn't however stop me from still thinking on the things 'behind' religion. If you feel like reading on, go ahead, otherwise, check out the new link I put up because it's hilarious.

So, supposedly God is all knowing, all loving, all forgiving and does no wrong. This would have me to believe that God knows everything even before he does it, thus knowing all the possible outcomes of anything way in advance. Well, then why create the world if he knew he was just gonna get pissed off at everyone and then flood everything? Then not only that, but after he flooded and killed 99% of all the population save the animals, he felt sorry about it and said he'd never do it again. I don't know about you, but that doesn't necessarily sound like a can-do-nothing-wrong God. This also makes me wonder, how many other places have life on their planets like us? And did they have the same things going on? Possibly, they're better planets than us? As in, since God created everything in 6 days (1 day to rest), who's to say he didn't splurge and create other little populations in other galaxies? We certainly don't have the ability to find out. So maybe in these other planets, they're all having a wonderful time and living forever because they weren't retarded like us and ate the fruit from the forbidden tree. And about the flooding the world.. supposedly God loves us all so much, but evidently there was that breaking point where he just chucked everything and decided to start over. So was Jesus just a sort of ultimate check and balance sort of thing? Since that's confusing, I'll elaborate. So God already got fed up with his "toys" (lets just use Legos as an example), and crushed his built Lego civilization. Then he built a new Lego civilization and here comes Jesus. God possibly gets fed up 'again' with his new world but Jesus is there to say "Hey now, you already did this once, you can't go doing that again. These are your toys and it's all you've got this time, deal with it." So then God, having to deal with it, left us alone and had all our badness heaped onto this Jesus guy. We're still horrible people, but evidently we're "okay" to still have around. So that brings me to my point behind the "other planets" part, he had already made those before he flooded ours, so maybe they're like expansion packs for Legos, different parts and civilizations and such. So since he couldn't exactly kill us all again, he just kinda shoved us into his supposed closet and started playing with his more obedient toys. Now I can see how this rant seems like I'm very bitter or off put, but I'm actually not. I don't necessarily believe in my own hypothesis. I'm just saying it's a viable one. There's lots of things about religion I don't understand. Another one being the whole "names being written in the book of life" and thus when you die and the whole rapture thing happens, you get to wait at a big line to see if you get to go to Heaven or not. Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that they should 'need' this kind of technique in place? Shouldn't they 'know' who should go to Heaven and who shouldn't? It's not like you're going to slip past the guy reading the book, scribble your name down and then chuckle your way on down to the end of the line or something. Ah well, those are my thoughts and you're welcome to them. - chris

"If I 'ever' wear a wife-beater, seemingly by my own choice, you have my permission to kill me as the person you're killing is obviously 'not' me and is some kind of demon who's possessed my body in order to do evil."

--