Oh, this was Eric by the way. In case you didnt get that when i talked about Chris' brother. Even though Chris does refer to himself in the third person. Like when he says "Goddammit", because he thinks he is god. Yea, bit of an ego.

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oh and look below! theres a big ol rant!

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July 30th 2003- WOW!! When was the last time i added a rant to this damn thing!? It must have been about 4 months ago...lets jump back in the way back machine and check it out....and like hell if im taking you!! My past is private and i wish to keep it that way. So since its been awhile, lets all gather round the ol campfire and i'll regale you with tales of my travails and adventures. Lets pop open a bottle of jones soda co. fufu berry soda and read what our fortune is shall we? Mine says "People you deal with will be more co-operative than usual." Oh. Well thats not suprising. I got a gun for my birthday, which was sunday. Oh and thanks for all the cards. yea, i really appreciate it. Oh but people really have been co-operative. People become so much more appreciative of your point of view when your waving a gun around. Ah well. I have so much to write about! I might have to put it into installments!!!

The Power is YOURS!!

Thanks Captain Planet!! Hahahah, me and the cap are good friends. We go way back. I remember the one time we ran to the ice cream truck, boy it was a hot summer day, and i got one of those little foot ice creams with the bubble gum toe nails, and he got an ice cream sandwhich. I threw the wrapper onto the ground, and he killed my mother because of that. His love of the planet goes way back. But i forgave him, i appreciate fanatacism. The only problem that i had with him was his inability to break new ground. I mean an ice cream sandwhich? Pssht. But i commend him for his gathering of youngsters and bestowing upon them great powers. Its like that great old saying "with great power comes great responsibility. And if you fuck this up im drowning your puppies!!" Cap was a great team leader.

Ox bow, woah woah woah, Hammer toe!!

Can't see this!! Actually now i can. But if i had been writing this about two and a half weeks ago, i couldnt! Because one sunday night i took a canoe, by myself, after my first attempt led to me capsizing the canoe and ending up in the lagoon, to the beaches of lake michighan. I watched the sun go down while listening to the waves, and then watched the full moon come up. i was laying down, looking at the sky, and then about 11:30 i decided to head back. Canoeing across a dark lagoon was beautiful, the trees and moon shimmering off the water. But i got back and noticed that light hurt my left eye. So i took out my contacts and went to bed, hoping that it would go away over night. it didnt. It turned out that i had gotten a grain of sand under my eye lid, and scratched the cornea. Good times, good times! It felt like someone was squeezing my eye, and any light at all hurt it even worse. I felt like a vampire. But i went to an optometrist and he gave me some eye drops and it got all better. So that night, i slept walk. I do it sometimes, usually its just a dream that manifests itself somehow, like the other night i was dreaming that someone was beating on my door, wanting this very decorated black t shirt. So i turned on the light and tore through my clothes looking for this black t shirt, and when i couldnt find it, figured "to hell with them, im going back to sleep." see, i was slightly awake, enough so that i remember it, but at that time, i completely believed people were outside my door, wanting this t shirt. Well, that night at ox bow i was dreaming that i was walking through the forest, and guess what. I WAS!! I remember feeling the wood chips and sticks beneath my feet, and feeling how good it felt when i would step onto grass or sand. I woke up enough to realize i was outside, but i didnt know where i was. It was completely dark, and any kind of light was hurting my eyes. So i would see light coming from a house, and i would try and look to see where i was, and it would hurt so much i would close my eyes and turn around, getting lost again. Also, i kept going back to sleep. Luckily i managed to look into the windows of this building, (all the while thinking i was dreaming this, but awake just enough to realize i was outside) I saw a bunch of presses and figured that it was the printmaking studio, and then found my way back to where i was at. Wierd wierd stuff. Yup, whoever ends up sleeping with me for an extended amount of time is gonna LOVE IT!!

SMOOTH LIKE A BABY'S ASS!!

Thats what my head is like! I shaved my head last week, and by gum, i think i like it. People say it looks good. The only problems i have are that i need to tan it, because its still a bit pale from where i had hair, and i want to lsoe weight, just because i need to, and because ive been wanting for quite awhile, and i would look much better if i were to. Im going to do it the healthy way though, by slaughtering cows and pigs to my diet god. Who may or may not be Richard Simmons. I practice the rituals in the pit of a great volcano, but the volcano wears really revealing short shorts, so its hard to say. All the other people think i worship a sissy god, because his volcano wears short shorts, but he showed them by making them all fat. And then i just released a bunch of hungry circus bears into their village. See who they call sissy when a hungry bear is eating their fat wind pipes! I bet it wont be my volcano that wears short shorts!! Nope. It sure wont.

JUST A PARAGRAPH SEPERATION!!!

So what else? Ox bow was really neat. The first few days were kinda rough, because i didnt know anybody there, and everyone seemed to know each other. It felt like coming into a big party where everybody knew each other and i didnt know anyone. And i didnt have any beer so no-one payed attention to me. Okay the last part was just made up. Everybody was extremely nice and by the middle of the first week it was great. I had an immensely fun time, and really enjoyed meeting people. The two weeks went by so fast, but they also seemed to be extremely slow. I kind of miss it. I had an amazing month because i was gone for most of it. I was in chicago for the first week, and saw the white stripes twice, i saw pete yorn and the wallflowers on the 4th of july. I went to all kinds of amazing resturaunts and places. I really really loved it. I didnt have any responsibility, nothing to do, i could just live and enjoy it. Every day up there was beautiful, and perhaps that is why i was a bit sad the first few days at ox bow, because it was very dreary weather up there. But then it cleared up and all was great. After my two weeks at ox bow i drove back to chicago, stayed a few days and then came back home. I love Chicago now though, its a great and beautiful city. There is so much life, and so many things to do, i cant wait untill i go up there. Hopefully on a full scholarship to the art institute! But we'll see. So this has been a bo honkin rant. Or at least it seems like it has. Ill try and write more, and there was alot of stuff i left out, little things that touched me and such that i enjoyed, but arent really the things of stories because they just arent. Like how i really enjoyed going to this tiny library in saugutuck michighan, about 5 minutes from the campus of ox bow, and checking my mail and reading magazines for a little bit. It was nice. I am extremely easily pleased. And hopefully you are too! because its been a long time since we added anything. Your a bunch of crazy bastards if you kept coming back here looking for new rants! i would have given up after the second day.

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July 26th 2003 - Dear LORD we suck a whole bunch! I mean, seriously. So Eric has a good reason because he was out of the state for the entire month, but really.. is working 45 hrs a week a good excuse not to update my pride and joy? DAMN STRAIGHT! .. I mean,.. of course not. Lets see if I can recap about two months of stuff in a really small space. Shall we? Hm... went to a male strip club which was super expensive and really kind of creepy and dumb because we went on a slow night. Geez it was weird. All kinds of penises in Liz and I's face because they're on the f-ing bar you order from! I don't know about you, but that sounds like some kind of health code violation RIGHT there. ::shudder:: The guys who weren't dancing on the bar completely nude and playing with themselves were wearing track pants and had their hands down their pants constantly playing with themselves. Wow, what a great job to have, getting paid to play with yourself. Unless strippers don't get an hourly wage and they just make money from tips, that would .. well actually it would still be good, but just not for me. ;] What else... hm.. oh yeah, I hung out with some people from work a couple times and it was pretty fun. The first night (last month) I had like 12 or so beers in about 2 hours so I was druuuunk. I don't even drink beer or like beer that much, so for me to drink 12 was just crazy. Worked a bunch, hung out with friends, worked some more. I think we need to change the whole concept of time so we can conceivably do more in a day. Like maybe have 36 hr days instead of 24. And 9 days in a week instead of 7. Where two of those days are mandatory no-work days to allow for 7 possible work days. It would probably increase productivity and general moral among the populace. .. Oh yeah.. people at the pool are crazy! Not the employees mind you, the people who go there to swim. Now, hypothetically.. lets say you're going to the pool and swimming. What would you wear? Ha ha.. I know, stupid question right? Well evidently not to most of our patrons. We actually have large day-glow orange signs that say you must have proper swim attire to swim in our pool. Do people see these signs and to a further extent understand said signs? Not really. Tons of extracurricular activities have a specific type of dress required. Basketball, you wear basketball shorts, baseball, you wear baseball pants, etc. You go swimming, YOU WEAR F-ING SWIMMING TRUNKS!!! Is it really that hard to grasp the concept that you don't wear basketball shorts into a pool and more so that it is not all right because you happen to be wearing your UNDERWEAR underneath them?!? The real kicker is that we don't necessarily kick people out because they're not wearing swimsuits, we just say they can't swim. We don't give refunds, we kindly ask them to go and get some swimsuits and come back to our lovely pool. BUT no, they get all bitchy and scream at us and call us racist or stupid or blah blah blah. Then there are those wonderful people who look at our signs and actually look at us and laugh, saying "You're joking right? Who would come to the swimming pool without a swimsuit?" We just smile politely and nod because these people have no idea the bullshit we put up with from patrons and their underwear and jean short combinations. .. ALSO speaking of pool rules and mutha f-in patrons, we have a rule saying you can't bring food or drinks (or coolers) into the pool area, especially since we have a concession stand. Some patrons snuck a cooler in a bag and I saw later and tried to tell them of said rule. Mind you it was really sunny so I was squinting a lot. Well when I told them they couldn't have a cooler, they took the food out of the cooler and started to put the food in their bags, like they were just going to get rid of the cooler. I politely added that it was not JUST the cooler but that they aren't allowed to bring in food or drinks. They went on and on about how stupid they thought our rules were and how they were going to go to the council meeting and raise hell about our establishment (which they did btw) and I looked at my fellow employee who was with me and had asked what they were doing and I said I didn't know, and she asked if she should go get the manager and I said I also didn't know. Then the ladies started to shout at us accusing us of laughing and smirking at them, and that this was not a laughing matter, and that she would have both of us fired. We preceeded to tell the ladies that we were not laughing or smirking, we were seeing as to whether or not the situation required a manager or not. They huffily said it did. So yeah, what a f-ing pair of cunts. I was actually having a great day that particular day and they ruined it by threatening to have us fired (which they can not do in any way shape or form). What they probably saw was us squinting and bunching our foreheads up in confusion because of the sun and the manager situation and automatically went into CRAZY-BITCH-MODE and thought we were laughing at them. I hope a horde of buffalo trample on them. Twice. Especially since they did go to the council meeting and bitch about all of us and stuff, CAREFULLY leaving out the part where she threatened our jobs. Supposedly she was all crying and really emotional about the whole thing. What a anus. Further more, just a couple of days ago we had these kids who were being assholes and breaking our rules and so they were asked to leave, but not before the ringleader called one of our lifeguards a fag, twice, and then when they were leaving he called ME a fag, twice. The lifeguard in question is not gay, and practically everyone at work doesn't know I'm gay, so the kid was just saying it to be mean and horrible, but still. I wish I could have eviscerated the little scum bag. .. Sadly these are only a few of the many many long days at the pool that I have. Thankfully it'll end on the 17th of August, but then I'll be out of a job for about two months until the rink season starts up again. Maybe I'll update more sometime soon, who knows. =] - chris

"me: 'Can we get out of the grass? I don't want to get any chiggers. I get enough of them at work.'