Ideas

This was an idea we had while riding on the school bus lo many years ago. It mainly consists of a bus that is made of glass, and in the shape of a donut; circular with a large hole in the middle. It would serve these following purposes: 1: it would have on the top level a track so that you could run around and around while on your way to work, for excercise. 2: it would also have a great revolving track, much like those moving sidewalks in the air port, in order to give you vertigo. 3: when the bus came to a sudden halt, you could see the people in front of you, or in back of you slam into the walls of the bus. Them's good times!!

This is mainly our wanting a ware house. if you have one in the Saint Louis Area and your feelin kind of charitable, we would gladly take it off your hands.

The scene would be that of an old man sitting on his front porch, surrounded by all his children, grandchildren and loved ones from his long life on this mortal coil. Mist soon rolls over the scene and Death comes for him. Death should be about 6 and a half feet tall, cloaked in thick black robes and a cold uncaring atmosphere surrounding him. He doesnt so much ascend the porch steps as floats over them, with the robes crawling up the wood like so many serpents. He takes the old man by the hand, almost forcifully, to the wails and sobs and laments of his family. They start running after him, some still on the porch consoling weeping children. As Death is ready to depart from the scene he turns around, flahses a Mento's stick and the family throws up their hands and laughs, as if saying "oh okay! HAHA! go right ahead then!" the end commercial.

THE ICE CREAM SHOP THAT SELLS ONLY CHEESE AND THE CHEESE SHOP THAT SELLS ONLY ICE CREAM!

I had the idea once to create an ice cream shop that sold only cheese, and a cheese shop that sold only ice cream. The title of the store that sold only cheese would be called "We sell ice cream!" and the other store would be called "We sell cheese!" then when a customer came into the store and asked "Hi, could i get some vanilla?" I would reply "im sorry sir, we only sell cheese" to which he would retort, "but your sign oustide says 'We sell ice cream" and i would respond "im sorry sir, only cheese here. now what kind of cheese would you like" to which the customer would get so angry that they would storm out of the store, but would be stopped by the wrought iron bars that would slam down in front of the doors barring any possible escape, and thus the possible escape of potential money. The opposite would be for the other store, which would be located next door, and a large cow would be centered over both stores, with his front hooves on one store, and his hind legs on the other.

There is a park located next to our houses, that we collectivly call Bangert Park. There is sand at the park, and we decided to create a gigantic pile of sand, and then name it the Temple of The Dinks! it got very high, im assuming about 3 feet. but then we had to leave, and the next day we came back and the park ranger had destroyed it!! we knows this because we saw him driving his park ranger truck all high and mighty throughout the park, all over the grass, and we even saw tire marks running over the TEMPLE OF THE DINKS!! He then ran over my dog. I know this because i saw him do it!! well i didnt see him, but i woke up the next morning and saw my dog had been killed and i saw that my dog had written in his own blood "Park Ranger"

Now who hasnt wanted a theme park devoted to the most wonderful animal, the Llama. The rides would be; The Screaming Llama; The Spitting Llama, The Llama Flume, we just pretty much based this on six flags while on the way back from six flags.

Located on this website are two tests, which are pretty funny. we both suggest you take them. both of them. TAKE THEM!!

This idea was actually conceived of a couple months ago while watching tv when a hallmark commercial came on. The commercial depicted an old lady who would continuously go out to her mail box every morning to the sad reality that she had gotten no mail (how that is even possible I have NO idea! Doesn't she have BILLS or something?!?). Well a kind lady who lived across the street had been watching the old lady via cover spy operations every morning and was really sad to see the old lady's face when she saw that no mail had come to her that day. So the kind lady got the sweet idea of sending the old lady a Hallmark card (awww), and the old lady was really happy and probably cried or something, we weren't paying attention anymore because we went on a tangent of making fun of the commercial. "Wouldn't it be hilarious if one morning when the old lady goes out to her mailbox and opens it, a python would be there all freaky and jumping out at her??" Ah, damn it was hilarious because we said it right when the old lady was opening her mailbox expecting something, but not a python! So that's when we discovered that a hallmark python would be such a great invention! There's always cards for every occasion, but not 'every' occasion because I don't think there are any that say "we need some space" or "you're suffocating me" messages. That's when you need, the Hallmark Python. What could better show your loved one that they are cramping your style than a large reptile choking the life out of them? Nope, flowers just won't do for that. It's a grand idea, but you may have to bribe your mail-person into delivering it, as it 'is' a large python. Note: Hallmark pythons are relatively safe and trained professionals, and must be sent back to Hallmark for rewards and love so they know they did a good job.

This was an idea Chris and Kim had while talking on the phone and Kim was watching Cops or something involving cops. Basically this guy who was really drunk on a motorcycle was running (er, driving) away from the cops (that's original) and he jumped into a lake to try and escape. Well the cops got the dogs and eventually fished him out. We thought up that he would have gotten away if he had a "dead me". Not necessarily a dead Chris or Kim, but a dead version of himself. More complex, the idea is a completely realistic to the smallest detail version of the alive person you want to think dead, that even a mortician wouldn't be able to tell that it was in fact a "dead me". So in the example of the jumping in the lake guy, if he had a "dead me", he could have gotten it out after a while and the dogs would have found it and they would have thought that the guy had drowned and he would be free to live his life cop free. He'd also technically be tax free since he would in fact be legally dead, but that's another story. The idea would be a bit better if you knew you were somehow going to use the "dead me" and you had a great life insurance policy out on yourself and a fake name (or really good friend) as the beneficiary so after you were "dead" you could just collect the money and live a care-free life, until you did something stupid again and The Man found out you faked your death and you were sent to jail as Eric commented.

Eric, playing the part of the bastard!: Okay, granted, the idea of a dead me is a cool one, but I think that it would all blow up in your face, as documented in the Simpsons episode where Homer did the same thing to get a day off work. Instead of using a "dead me" why dont you just use a "live and incredibly cunning me" that could easily get away from the cops, the fuzz, the flatfoots, the tax collecters and Gene Shalit? Gene, if your reading this, LEAVE ME ALONE!!

This is an idea created when Chris and Eric were riding around on the search for food. We came upon a van, completely decked out in anti-abortion bumperstickers, such as "its a child, not a choice" or "I'm pro-life" or "god doesn't kill, why should we!?" and so Eric said something along the lines of "Wouldn't it be cool if I had an aborted fetus hand puppet in my car and I could sneak up along side their window and put the puppet up against it and yell "Your bumper stickers did nothing, NOTHING!!!!" as if the puppet was screaming that!! Boy did we laugh, and laugh, and then think, and then LAUGH some more!!

You thought the aborted fetus one was pretty bad didn'tcha!? I bet you did, But these are even funnier!! Many moons ago Chris thought of some great insults, and man these are some insults. We WERE going to put them in the quotes section, but they are horrid. And I'm about to tell you what they are!!! (warning though: you should never, never, EVER call anybody these names, they are just way too mean) First off, Bucket cunt!! Second, Gutter Slut!! And Third, Pogo Pussy!! I TOLD YOU THEY WERE HORRIBLE!! I feel nasty just writing them out. But as Chris rightly pointed out after we were talking about how horrible they were, he went up a few notches on the wierd scale and I soon joined him. What if, Chris pondered, we made children's games out of those names!? And Eric was all for the idea! (as long as we don't get sued. again.) But the first off would be the Bucket Cunt, it would be a prostitute toy on her back with her legs wide open and she would spin around and the kids could throw colored balls into her...woman-ness. And the object of the game is to get as many colored balls into her...woman-ness as you could in the span of a few minutes, because the balls would be anti-biotics, to fight those horrible horrible diseases that she most likely has. "Oh look! she's turning red! She has the clap!! Get me the red ball!!" And each time you missed she would laugh at you derisivly, and each time you got one in she would say something like "I show you sexy good time" or "Show me your french fry baby!" Such fun for the entire family, especially if they are a family of prostitutes!!

Our second idea for a children's game is the wonderful Gutter Slut. It would be a long bowling alley lane, much like actual bowling lanes, but in the gutter would be the Gutter Slut. She would be electronic and dressed like a whore. But when you would bowl, she would try and seduce the bowling ball!! You would send the ball barrel-assing down the lane, but she would be in the gutter trying to seduce it, she would do this by tilting the alley which is on an axis. If the alley slopes too much the ball would roll over into the gutter where it would be attacked by the Gutter Slut and hence get drunk and contract many wonderous diseases.

No, I didn't! But if I did, would that make you not want to rob my house!? What if I had a security system, that, ONCE ACTIVATED, would call upon the mighty powers of racoons to protect your house by covering it in those delightful little critters! You would come to break into my window and a racoon would attack you in the face! And then he would steal your watch and pawn it. But the entire house, all night long, all day long whenever I wasn't there would be crawling in a living blanket of racoon! Or, the proper plural of racoon, coonies!! Or, for those in the southren states, you get to have your house covered in coon hounds! Listen to them howl and whittle all night long! Why!? So they can protect yo moonshine. And just HOW would you turn it off? Why just say "Shoo you damned critters!"

Okay, so scientists have all this know-how and they use it in completely stupid ways (i.e. cosmetic testing on cheetah pets - the cheetahs that grow real hair!). They also know the location of specific DNA sequences that are the causes of certain characteristics (such as the aging gene). Now, my idea is to have actually human babies that have working gills, and with more difficult testing, babies that have wings. This would all be a lot faster in development if we could just use aborted fetuses in experiments since they're the closest thing to human DNA that we have that isn't actually testing on alive humans. Anyhow, so the coolest thing is that babies come from a zygote in the short span of 9 months. How rapid is that growth when you have practically nothing, and then you have a baby?! I think that if one were to introduce the specific genes (i.e. the gill gene, or wing gene) into the mix of the zygote, then over that rapidly changing period, the fetus would grow with that inherent characteristic and adapt. Granted I'm not entirely sure how that would effect its air breathing capabilities, but hey, it's not an exact science is it? So instead of:

dropping eye drops on floor that bell got

dropping change for bell to get

crab leg incident at 12:30 in the morning

eric's soda on the computer

the cheeseburger incident

the 'why didn't you get 'me' anything' incident

the dish "on" light incident(s)

the leaving the computer on incident(s)

the "I'm taping something" incident .. be more specific about when taping

long time ago, the "where is your car?!!!" incident

the whose movies are these incident (with Kim) acrue

sand in the sink / loins incident

throwing at phone at my brother incident

I will blow up brother's car incident (for eating veggie dip)

threatening to destroy (insert noun) incident because he was displeased.

threatening to shoot innocents for plate stealing

what kind of gas did you put in my car last time? The explosive kind.

chris's dad makes babies cry whenever he enters the room and then taunts them!!

more to come..

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