Click here to go directly to the new FAQ(s)
1) Hi, this is Steve from New Mexico. I got to see a little bit of your movie, the Fearsome Foursome Minus One, but i thought that the acting was a bit dry.
Hi Steve, of course the acting is dry! we didnt film it under water! What kind of idiot film makers do you take us for!? =) Thanks for your feedback!
2) Hi, i got to see an advance copy of the movie, and I just dont get it. There isnt really a story, and the acting, well the actors are practially cardboard cut outs.
Hi Mike!! Well, sadly we couldnt convince the actors to do their own stunts, except for Macho Man, so we did use actual cardboard cut outs for the stunt scenes. There was an awesome underwater fight scene that lasted four hours, but for some reason the actors complained that there was no way that they could fight under water with no air for that long, so we had to use the cardboard cut outs. But the ensuing action and the terror that water inflicts on cardboard forced us to scrap that scene. To make up for it we included scenes from "Days of Thunder" where that scene would have taken place.
3) Hey there, i was wondering what its like living in Saint Louis.
Hey Rich!! Well, judging from where your email came from im going out on a limb here, but i think that you live in saint louis too. And if you do, then you know that it isnt too bad. The rats can get to you some time, and the plauge, well everybody knows that that can put a hitch in your getalong. But over all not shabby.
4) Hi, this isnt about any thing on your website, but i kind of have a problem and ive heard that you guys give good advice. I cant keep my ten year old son from cussing, he keeps saying these horrible words and i cant stand to hear them, what can i do?
Hi Helen, well, kids always go through those kinds of phases. Maybe he heard those words from a friend of his, or on the television, or from the music he listens to. I think that you shoud point out to him that the words he is using arent words that ten year olds should be using, and that there are other ways to express yourself. And if that doesnt make him change his tone, then i suggest walling him up in a corner in the basement. That way you wont hear those horrible horrible words any longer.
5) This is Sam in Arizona, I cant believe that you told that woman to wall her son up in the basement! how could you tell her to do that!?
Hi, Sam in Arizona, i didnt know that that was the state of repetition! And ive got some bricks and mortar with your name on it buddie.
6) You guys are mean.
Hi Michelle, your right, we are. Especially when we have our tasers.
7) Hey guys, i dont think your mean, i think you guys are awesome!! You are the best in the world, i wish that i lived next to you two because you guys are just the coolest, funniest, neatest guys in the world. And you are some sexy bitches! The tests are pure genius, and the idea for the movie, Shakespeare is envious guys, im sure he is. But anyway, you guys are the absolutely coolest. Thanks!
Thanks Eric!!! You sound like a damned nice guy yourself, and very cool!!
8) Hi, Do you two believe in aliens? or that aliens have visited us yet?
Hi Bruce, its nice to see that we are reaching out across the globe. We do believe in aliens, you might not be aware of it but a few years ago it was proven that aliens have in fact visited us, and it was documented in the NBC documentary ALF.It was a big hit here in the states, and hopefully you can find tapes of this ground breaking, and eye opening document of first contact.
9) Hi, I think that my boyfriend is cheating on me, but im not sure how to find out if he is. Do you have any suggestions?
Hi Amanda. Im sorry to hear that you are worried that your boyfriend is cheating on you. Guys never learn, and they never know a good thing when they have it. They're pigs. But the way to find out if he is cheating on you is easy. You fill a pillow sack up with frozen hams, and then surprise him behind the door way and knock him unconsious to the ground. When he wakes up, if he says your name then you know that he isnt cheating on you, if he says the name of another girl, or guy, then you know that he is. And if he says either "god" or "jesus" then i suggest you take that up with the church of your choice.
10) Hi, Im worried that my girlfriend is cheating on me, how can i discover if she is?
Hi Dan, you might want to look at the response that I gave to Amanda, who is in almost the same situation as you. But i suggest that since it is a woman your dealing with you should be a bit more gentle. Not that a woman cant take a pillow sack full of frozen hams to the head, trust me, ive found out the hard way. So i would go with something less blunt, perhaps defrosted hams. Or oranges.
11) Hey. The website is pretty cool, but the link that you sent to me and a bunch of other people said that you had the best porn in town, but i cant find it anywhere on the site. Where is it?
Hi Ken, im really sorry about that. It was a typo. We actually meant to say that we had the best CORN in town, because its obvious that we do. But the internet is full of porn, so im sure that you can find your fix elsewhere. But any time you need some corn, for any purpose, no questions asked, now you know where to go.
12) Hi guys. Im from New York, and i havnt ever been to the midwest, so is it like, you know, just a bunch of farms and stuff?
Hey Steph, actually, there is a good majority of farm land here in the midwest, but not much around where we live. Unless what we live on you call a farm. I do have a cow next to me at the moment, but im just kind of lonesome at the moment, thats all. But the midwest is a wonderful region, full of several types of squirrels and a few good birds.
13) Hi, Im doing a report on the missisipi, and since you guys live pretty close to it, i was wondering if you could help me with it?
Hey Joey!! You know if you were my kid i would have named you Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo, but i would have had to had you when i was about 5 so that would have been kind of impossible. I couldnt have possibly come up with something as complex as that name when i was five, you would have probably ended up with the name Play Dough Yummy, or Candy! or I Go Outside Now. But if you read my survey then you will see that i want to name my first son Giganticus. Well ill kind of need a wife to accomplish that goal, and im not entirely sure how she will like her son to be called Giganticus. But anyway, to your question! Shouldnt YOU be doing the research? But im a procrastinator as well so ill tell you the facts i know about the mighty Miss. She was created in 1789 by a group of very fast working and very strong ninjas, working through the night until it was built so that they could ferry their armies down to the gulf of mexico from Canada, home of the ninjas. The gulf of mexico was being taken over by a rival gang of pirates from the Brazil region, and they were going to turn the gulf of mexico into a giant marble pit to play with their marbles. So they drained it all, and let the fishies die. Ninjas, as it is well known, are very fond of fish, so they made the Missisipi river to flood the Gulf of Mexico and give a home to the fishies again, and also to ferry their armies down there to fight off the pirates in case they tried to stop them.
14) The Mississipi wasnt made like that.
It was for me cowboy.
15) Hi, see, im really kind of a shy guy, and there is this really super pretty asian girl i see at the library alot, and i really want to talk to her, but i dont know how. Also, im a Monk who took a vow of silence. What should i do?
Hi Brother!!! Wow...Thats some name ya got there. Wow..you kinda got a problem there, considering your shy AND you've taken a vow of silence. Them's some problems. Okay, well heres the thing. I think that you should find out if she has some kind of instant messenger and then find out her screen name and then when she is sitting there typin cause shes all cute and sexy when she types you get either A) a cute lil bunny doll that you can make wave at her or blow her a kiss and im sure that she would like it because comon its cute and sweet, and not quite as freaky as B) you IM her and tell her to turn around and you have Christopher Walken wave at her and blow her a kiss, but that would be kinda freaky and you want her to talk to you, NOT to Christopher Walken, because he is the mack and he would get to go out with her, cheap bastard!! Or that might just freak her out, and shes super pretty so you dont want to freak her out. Answer your question!? hope so.
16) Hi, this is a question specifically for Eric. Eric, i was wondering, are you ever serious?
Zach!! Of course im serious you cheap son of a whore!! I'm more serious than an african killer bee on the ass of a rat carrying the bubonic plauge!! I'm more serious than a cyanide induced heart attack!! I'm like a car crash that you see on the way to your mother's funeral!! THATS how serious I am!!
aw, I'm sorry Zach, that was uncalled for. I wasn't being serious when i said all that stuff, seriously.
17) Hi guys, I really need some help. And the word has gotten out that you guys are good with advice, so i thought, I'll ask Chris and Eric!! THEY can help me out! So here goes: there is this super pretty asian girl that i see at the....umm...fire....station..alot, and um..how can i start up a conversation with her?
Hi umm...Derrick!! Wow!! what is it with guys who cant get up the courage to talk to girls. I mean, like i know anything about that! Well, here goes, you can A) IM her and say turn around, do the whole bunny or Christopher Walken thing, which would work because shes really pretty and can type like the dickens, oh wait....you see her at the..fire house, yea thats it. WELL you could set a fire, and then see if she comes and then you would know that she is a fire fighter and then you can talk to her when she saves your life. But thats a long shot. And its arson. And why are you hanging around a fire house? Sounds like a cover up to me.
18) Hi. I've been really depressed lately and i cant think of anything but what is making me depressed. I tried to talk to Ann Landers but the ho dont write back. What should i do?
Hi Amanda, im really sorry to hear about your problems. So heres what ya do: Take 1 16 oz box of Doimno Chocolate flavored confectioners sugar, 6 tablespoons of butter or margarine (3/4 stick), 3 tabelspoons milk, 1 tablespoon vanilla extract, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1 capusle cyanide, 1 cup walnuts, chopped. Grease 8x8 inch baking pan; set aside. In heavy 3-quart saucepan, add all ingredients except walnuts. Over very low heat; constantly stir mixture until well combined and smooth. Remove from heat; stir in walnuts until well combined. Quickly spread in pan. Cool, then cut into squares. Makes 36 pieces. Enjoy!
i said enjoy dammit!
20) I can't believe you told Amanda to make brownies when she's feeling really depressed! Everyone knows when you're depressed you use lemon squares to get rid of symptoms. Awesome recipe though, I'm making them right as we speak. I questioned the cyanide capsule for a second, but then realized "hey, these guys know what they're talking about", and added about twenty because I'm having guests over. Thanks guys, this party will be a hoot!
DISCLAIMER: We have never exclaimed we know what we're talking about. We just think it.
The party WILL be a hoot, Wilamena! As long as you don't forget to add love to the brownies too. Thanks for writing! =D
21) Hi guys, I was wondering, im sure that you two have had many run ins with the courts, since you have your own defense team (why are none of them human though? i mean there is the nun, and you guys really must be bad if you need a NUN on your defense team) but i was wondering if you think anybody has ever thought of suing Kenny Rogers for their gambling problem, due to his hit "The Gambler"?
Hi Kenny. See, our whole approach to our many, many, many lawsuits is to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to knock over thirty harley davidsons outside a seedy bar and then run like a sonabitch. But as for Kenny Rogers influencing people's gambling habits, I don't think that he is really to blame. See, I blame it on GAMBLOR! and his neon clutches!
22) Hi Guys, it's Kenny again, thanks for your response, but I DID NOT kidnap Chris!! I mean...um...I'm sure that Kenny Rogers did not kidnap Chris. You'll be hearing from my lawyers.
Well, Kenny, if that is your REAL name, we never accused you of kidnapping Chris, we only accused Kenny Rogers of kidnapping Chris. Well, and anyway, not only did Kenny Rogers kidnap Chris, he influenced his now out of control gambling addiction! Before it was under control, but now its OUT of control, and I blame Kenny Rogers!! HE!! will be hearing from my lawyers.
23) Look, You said before that you blamed Gamblor for giving Chris his horrible gambling addiction, and now your blaming Kenny Rogers, what is that all about? Your still going to be hearing from my lawyers.
Look Lenny, if that is your REAL name, I blamed Gamblor first, because I had just licked a hallucinaginic toad, WHICH I GOT FROM KENNY ROGERS!! So I was hallucinating and blamed a fictional character for Chris' horrible gambling addiction. So now, not ONLY are we suing Kenny Rogers for kidnapping Chris and giving him this horrible, horrible, horrible gambling addiction, we are also suing him for giving me a hallucinaginic frog. Now granted, I did not have to lick the toad, but I think Kenny told me to, through his hit "Eric, lick the toad I gave you." And granted, Chris gambling habit wouldnt be a problem any more if I would have just not insisted that we play Weasel Poker, a game I made up. YES, I got all of Chris money, but he wasn't doing anything with it! And I knew that if I didn't get it, somebody else would, somebody like Kenny Rogers! So you see, these reasons are the reasons why we are suing Kenny Rogers. Thanks Lenny.
24) Hi, Loreli from Wisconsin, do you guys have something about Kenny Rogers? Because i've noticed that you have gone on and on about him in your FAQ, and I've begun to notice alot of posters and giant banners around Wisconsin proclaiming that Kenny Rogers is a devil bastard and will steal your soul, and that you should visit your website. What's up with that?
Hey Loreli!! Thats a pretty name. But anyway, See, Kenny Rogers HIMSELF!! is putting up those banners and posters, to ruin our good name!! He wants people to think that we hate Kenny Rogers, and we don't. In fact, we love Kenny Rogers, not in the biblical way, unless your talking about the flood, which is what my house is like now since Kenny Rogers broke all my water pipes!!! But we don't hate Kenny Rogers. We're just mildly obsessed with him.
25) HEY GUYS!! Like your site is like, really cool. But anyway, do you guys like Destiny's Child!?
Hi Carrie! Yup, we like Destiny's Child.
26) Why do you like Destiny's Child?
Because.
27) But like, why?
Because Beyonce is pretty.
28) Is that all?
No, because they are bootylicious.
29) But, like, don't you like their music?
Damn!! Can't you just ask us all these questions in ONE big question!? Ah but its okay, it just adds to the site. Destiny's Child is cool, I think Chris likes them more than Eric, but Eric still thinks their cool. And I think they both agree that Beyonce is pretty. And bootylicious. NOW STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!!
31) Hi, I thought that this FAQ was supposed to be all about the movie? But mostly its just crap, you going on about Kenny Rogers, and all kinds of other crap. Granted, if people would write into you (other than the actual REAL people who have already written to the FAQ) I think that you would have more to talk about. Thanks,
Hi Sal! We are offended that you think that our FAQ is crap. So that is why we are sending flesh eating robots to your door at this very minute. HAHAHA!! Don't worry, they wont eat YOUR flesh. Oh wait, they will. Thanks for writing! LETS SEE WHO COMES UP WITH CRAP WHEN THEY AIN'T GOT ANY SKIN SAL!!! IT'S GONNA BE YOU!!
32) Hi, you seem so smart and well read, I was wondering who you think is the best character in the history of literature? I think Dickens and Tolstoy had the best characters, but tell me who you think was the best. Thanks! Love the site!
Hey Kate!! Well, I will have to agree with you that Dickens and Tolstoy had some great characters, so did Turgenev, another great russian writer. But I think that the best character came from Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and it would have to be Bob Saget. He worked so hard for that rat bastard Mr. Scrooge, and not the COOL Mr. Scrooge from Duck Tales, no, that old bastard Ebinezer. And then he had that gimp kid to top it all off! I mean cut this guy a break! Thanks for writing, and caring about the written word, Kate!
33) Hi. Why havn't there been any new questions added to the FAQ lately?
Because Bea Arthur said so, thats why.
34) Hi, how many Bea Arthurs would it take to infuse the world with genital herpes?
Hi Rue!! Wow, that is such an odd question, and one so hurtful towards Bea. Hopefully she will forgive you for it. I do. I also forgive my grade school principal Mrs. Jason, because I had gotten in trouble once (thats a joke there, i was always in trouble) but she told me that she would make me "Rue the day i was born!" and I thought of you Rue, but I didn't know what Mrs. Jason meant, involving you and the day I was born. But then I figured it out! I realized that YOU, Rue Maclanahan, were my TRUE mother! But what can ya do about it. Ten.
35) Dear Chris and Eric! I met this girl on the internet who is 18 and going into her 80's and she tried to get onto me hardcore for weeks, and then she met this girl named Kara at Faces (a club) and decided she wanted to be with her, and that didn't work out, she tried to get back with me HARDCORE! Now since she wanted to be with Kara i started to get back together with my ex girlfriend, and now the girl has come back, what should I do because i dont want to F@#* it up with my ex girlfriend. What should I do!?
Hi Kim! Well, this is what you do. Put on a little Neil Diamond, light a few candles, and kick that ho bitch out!! If you are happy with your ex, and are you back with her? I wasn't too clear about that. But forget that other girl just wantin to get her freak on with anybody that she finds. And who says only men are pigs!? What you need to do is to go all Laser Tag on her ass, which is what Clubs remind me of. Remember back in the 80's when they had Laser Tag, and they had those cool Laser Tag arenas where you would go and play Laser Tag and when somebody would shoot you with a laser you would scream out TAG! And then try and shoot them with a laser offcially giving the game the title "How we like to run around in a club like atmoshphere shooting lasers at people" And that is pretty much what this is. That girl just got her Libido Laser going, and whoever she shoots she is happy with, and if that person isn't shot or doesn't shoot back, she just moves on to another victim. And then makes her way back to finish off her previous deed. So what do you need to do!? You need to forget all about her. Or shoot her in the eye a laser. Thanks for writing Kim!
Dear Chris and Eric,
I am a 21 year old lesbian with an unrequited love for Robert Stack. I watch Unsolved Mysteries religiously and shutter every he says "someone out there may know the truth, perhaps its.....you". ohhhh, shutter. What is it about Robert Stack that is so damn foxy?
Robert, we know its you. Don't pretend that you are a 21 one year old lesbian in order to get your ego stroked. We don't run that kind of business! Or maybe we do. But not for you Robert Stack! Sure, maybe for Kenny Rogers! But not Robert Stack.
Since EVERY single show is doing celebrity versions of their programs, we here at www.geocities.com/chrisericus/indexmain.html thought, HEY! Why don't we do a celebrity edition of the FAQ's!? And who better to be on our very special edition than none other the son of god himself, JESUS!! Here is the transcript of that program.
Eric: Hey everybody!! I'm here fielding calls for the FAQ with none other than Jesus himself, say hi to everybody Jesus.
36)Hi Eric, hi Chris. How are you guys doing? I've been wondering this for a few days, and maybe you can help me out, you masters of romance, maestros in the orchestra of love, what would be a good place for a second date?
Hi Gino! Thanks for the compliments, but we aren't only the maestros of love, we are the flutists, we are the brass and woodwind sections, the percussion, the strings, the sonic reverberations of beauty made into musical form, and we're the popcorn vendors! You want some butter with that love? You know you do. But as to your question, in speaking of the symphony of love, I think that a theatre would be good; a spymphony, a play, a musical. As long as it isnt the theatre of war i think your in for a good time. I might also suggest that you go to the art museum. Its high class, and she might be an art theif. If you take a girl out to do something she loves to do, then her heart is yours. Or your heart might be hers, if what she loves to do is in fact harvesting people's organs. I'm guessing that you went to dinner and had a really nice time, and i bet that she was REEEEEEEEAAAALLLLLLLLYYY pretty and you hope she likes you, but if you take our advice, there is no way she can't! You know the old saying "he would give you the moon" or something like that? Here's a suggestion! You should take her to the moon! That would be fun, i bet she hasn't ever been there. But you know that old warning; in space, no one can hear you ask for a third date.
37) Hi Chris and Eric. I have a problem. At least i think its a problem, and if it is a problem, its a big one. I have been going out with my girlfriend for about a year, but I'm feeling like i don't really know her. I'm beginning to worry that she isnt the girl she was when i first met her, and im also worried that she might be a demon. She keeps drawing these pentagrams on the floor and talking about doorways and and the reunification of the great demon lords. And we keep buying pet sheep, but they always dissapear. Could she be cheating on me with a man who steals sheep? Or is she a demon trying to bring about the end of the world? And should i stop buying her sheep?
Hi Guy with a demon for a girlfriend. Well, those things you mentioned MIGHT be problems, if they are true. But like my mother always told me, don't judge a book by its cover, and wait until you see her eating babies and killing sheep before you accuse your girlfriend of being a demon. And you're not even sure that she is one, and are you positive those are pentagrams? They could just be stars, and she is trying to feel like she has a star on the walk of fame. Or she is trying to have a star on the walk of flame, but either way, wait until you get further proof. See if she does reunify the great demon lords. They werent that great anyway. And if she is trying to get them to come to her, its probably just for a party, because she is lonely, maybe because your too busy accusing her of being a demon to spend any time with her!! So she has to go to the demon world to find a friend. Its sad really, and yes, it is your fault. You should help her bring about demons, if that is what she is doing.
FOLLOW UP TO PREVIOUS FAQ ENTRY
Hi Chris and Eric. Its the guy who had the demon for a girlfriend. Notice the had, and how i did say that she was a demon. It turns out she was, and she did reunificate the great demon lords, but, like you said, she just wanted to throw a party for one of them. It turns out that she and the demon lords are old friends, one of them was having a birthday, she threw a big party and had them all over, and i was okay with that. But then it just got to the point that they were over at the house all the time, and they never picked up after themselves. And i finally had to put my foot down when Thaldor, demon lord of baby eating, ate my arm. I dont know if he thought it was a baby or what, but it was very uncalled for. So i stopped seeing her. I was just like "look demon lady! You might be all gorgeous and have pretty hair and you might own a really fast car and alot of monkeys, but there aint NO WAY im gonna keep going out with you if your friends eat my arms." So that was the end of it. But thank you for your great wisdom of relationships and demon lore. And im dating a new lady! She is about 6'5 and has a beard and a turban and she is really sweet. Her name is Nancy, Nancy bin Laden. She just moved to the U.S and (crossing my fingers) i think this could be the one!! Thanks Chris and Eric!!
38) Hey Chris and Eric! I have a question that needs to be answered, or perhaps, just a need that wants an answer, or something along those lines, or just your thoughts on this particular situation. The other day i was at a workshop being held by my photo teacher, on how to make professional portfolio boxes to keep your work in, and he had several other students there with him, one of which was the most beautiful woman i have ever seen in my life!! And a woman who kept cackling and throwing cats at people. She was kind of pretty too, but I am a staunch supporter of animal rights, so she really turned me off with the cat throwing thing. But this other girl was absolutely beautiful, and seems like a really cool and neat person, So i got up my courage and i asked her out!! But she has a boyfriend. But i might get to see her again at this cool gallery opening, so do you think i should see if she would like to just go hang out sometime? I think it would be neat because i would like to get to know her. And she is a princess! She is princess Hammertoe. Woaah woaah woah woaah oh, HAMMERTOE!! Her left big toe is actuall MC Hammer!! How often do you meet a woman who has a washed up 80's superstar as a big toe!? Only twice. So tell me what you think!
Hey Derrick! Hey, are you the same Derrick that wrote a few months ago..and did you move!? And where the hell is tuscaloosa anyway? Well, its wrong to judge a person on their appearance, even if they are very pretty. So going out just as friends and getting to know a person is a great thing, in any situation. Well not the situation with the cat thrower, unless your into that sort of thing. WHICH I AM! So you give me the number of that woman who throws cats, and excelsior to you you sexy cat!
39) Hello guys. I have a problem. A big, hairy, lazy problem. My dog has really long hair. THAT DOG NEEDS TO GET A HAIR CUT AND A JOB!! But he doesn't listen. All he does is lay there. What can i do?
Hey...your odd. First things second though, do you want all dogs out of washington? or is that just where you are and you think we're some kind of ann landers thing where you need to disguise your identity so people wont know who you are, isn't that right, Mr. Salvatore C. Fuller, who resides at 1493 Locust Bloulevard, Saint Louis MO. 63031!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DONT EVEN LIVE IN WASHINGTON! And maybe thats your problem. You dont know how great washington is this time of year, or any time of year, or any year. Whats that? Oh right. Your problem. Well, it could be several things. Your dog might just be a big ottoman with tassles, or it could be a spider plant that has died, or, god forbid, your dog has died because you never paid any attention to him, hence the really long hair. Either way, shame on you for having a dead dog, a dead plant, or a foot rest named after a race of barbarians!! Ottomans were barbarians weren't they? Or were they Huns? Someone write us with the answer. PLEASE!!
40) Hello Eric and Christopher. I am writing to you on behalf of the Iraqi people, begging to you please talk to your government and ask them to please stop harrassing the people of this fine country, OR WE WILL GAS YOU!! Oh im so sorry. I meant it in the way of your legendary rock and roller group The Rolling Stones in their hit song, Jumping Jack Flash. Oh Iraq is a gas, gas gas man!! Jumpin jack flash its a gas gas...oh, im so sorry. I get so caught up in your catchy american tunes! But i would again like to plead my case that your american government are reckless dogs who would no sooner destroy the world than admit that they are blood hungry war mongers, who are only after our oil and some mislead quest for paternal revenge!! Oh im so sorry, i didn't mean to say all that, you illustrious white devils you!! So please talk to your government, and please accept this fine gift from the people of iraq, who have something to know about tyrannical governments and its leaders who wish to oppress the people, so thus we have sent with this plea a carton of toliet paper with the American Constitution printed on it, because with your John Ashcroft and President Bush in control, you can wipe your ass with your inalienable rights!! Praise be to Allah!!
Hi Al mahed Moshiri!! Wait a minute, that sounds like an arabian AND asian name!! Thats just crazy! But who are we to judge! AMERICANS, THATS WHO!!! Yea thats right, apparently we as americans can say who is bad and who is good, depending on whether or not they have the natural resources that we seek. For you see, american people aren't bad, its the government that is horrible and leaves no surprise that the rest of the world hates us. And pretty much Al mahed, we are in the same boat as you and the iraqi people, in that the republican government as it is now cares nothing about the thoughts or wishes of its people, and seeks only to further its own agenda of revenge and the seeking of riches. Not that i think there isnt evil in the world, and much of it does come from muslim fundamentalists who think that we are evil. But the plans that the current adminstration are concocting will only lead to greater evil, and the administrations attempts to terrorize the public in order to vacate the state of principles that our founding fathers erected, and in order to cause the american people to give up our civil liberties in pursuit of safety, which the government cannot give us, will only lead to more problems. Thats all i have to say! i think. Thanks Al Mahed Moshiri and the people of Iraq!!
. 41) Hi, Chris and Eric!! I've got to say, your site is the site to see to see the sights!! And by sights i mean girls! I mean all those sexy chicks on there, DAMN! Mmm, gimme some breasts with that shake! But i wanted to know, since you are both so damn fine and sweet with the ladies and men, you should start up a dating service on your website!! I think that lady Donna had the right idea! But she probably looks like King Koopa, and i dont want no woman with a shell on her back, but if she's on her back then things are okay, if you know what i mean!! Yea, i know you do!! So think about it!
Slick Willington,
Hey Slick!! And being from Maine, you must be slick!! Home of all those oil covered otters, you go exon valdez!! Well, thank you for your insight into our website, and advice is always welcome. BUT NOT PAID FOR!! You wont get a dime from us you bastard! Thanks for writing! And im glad to see that other men like women with shells on their backs. Or at least, very hard backs. I once dated this girl who never moved and really didnt do anything, and finally i got fed up with it and was like "woman, i am a man who seeks adventure!! A man who needs excitement, a man who needs change!! And all you do is sit around all day by this tiny pond, surrounded by fake rocks, eating lettuce! For god sakes woman!" But it turned out that she was a galapagos tortise!! It was a hard thing to do, breaking things off with Stinky, because while i do crave excitement and change, i also seek a woman who has lots of experience. And at a hundred and fifty years old, man did she have some experience!! But she never used it, and i always felt bad about that. Oh well.
42) Hi Chris and Eric. I just wanted to let you know that the Exxon Valdez spill was near Alaska, and thus, no where near Maine. I just thought i would let you know.
Well, well, well, well, well JOLENE!! You must think your mighty smart DONT YOU!!? I knew it happened in Alaska, i just didnt want Slick to feel like he didn't know anything. I am that altruistic!
43) But Slick didn't even mention an oil slick! YOU DID!!
DAMN! You just don't give up do you!! I WILL EAT YOUR FACE!! YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!! EVERYBODY STOP LICKING THE TOADS!! DO NOT LICK THE TOADS. JUST COOL OUT. COOL OUT!!
44) Hi Chris, Hi Eric!! It's me again, Derrick, yea, thats my name. I was wondering, how exactly do i go about talking to a girl who is pretty much a complete stranger, oh and did i mention pretty? oh yes, i did, because she is. Super so. So ive talked to her a few times, just asking questions, because she works somewhere where you can ask questions and not be deemed odd, (unlike in some jobs if you ask them a question "do you know where i can buy a cobra" and they work at a grocery store, they get all freaked out!!) but right now im in an oppourtunity to talk to her outside of said work, so what do i say!? how do i say it? how do i go about saying such and such and introducing myself and possibly if all the planets align and hell freezes over and that guy in the moon will for ONCE stop play badmitton, get a date? How Chris and Eric, HOW!?
Hey Derrick! Boy, you sure do have a bit of trouble talking to the ladies don't you? I wonder why that is. Well, you see, i dont think that i (and this is Eric talking here, to all the ladies reading this) could really help you in this situation, because, for you see, I AM Derrick!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA!! Okay not really. You just happen to have a name that sounds very similar to mine and you thought you lived in st. louis, but you really live in moscow, a thing that has happened to me many a time. So, how to go about doing said thing. And i bet your all freaking out, feeling shy, feeling nervous, when im sure your a cool guy and chicks probably dig ya! But then maybe you think "ah but only the chicks who KNOW me dig me, alas complete strangers who happen to be women might not dig me because they do not yet know me" which is a strange way of going about it, because that only psychs yourself out. What you need is some moonshine whiskey my friend. Something to cool your nerves. And you know, I, Eric, should probably not be writing this advice to you, Derrick, because its probably psychin you out right now! So maybe i'll just stop, and im sure you'll do whatever you can. Its like that song by Zwan, a KICK ASS BAND!! The song is called Settle Down, and he says "whatever i can do, i will, cause im good like that" and im sure you are! So you GO girl! OR boy. Im assuming your a boy.
45) Hi, this is for Eric. Eric, do you REALLY believe that we, as purveyors of www.geocities.com/chrisericus/indexmain.html, think that this Derrick fellow is actually some guy you've never met, who just happens to travel quite a bit because he is always in a different city?? I think that it is actually you, and this is a passive agressive attempt to give yourself advice, or to just make something on the website because you are passing time and putting off talking to this girl!! Ah you tricky, tricky white boy.
Hi Samantha!! Well, your partially right about one thing, i AM a tricky, tricky white boy, but as for that other thing, do you really think that i would believe that you would believe that Derrick is a complete and total stranger who i've never met? No, i dont believe that Samantha, I dont believe that for one minute. If you must know, Derrick is my younger, long lost brother, who after being abandoned by our mother, beleiving him to be the devil, i found him at long last, and now, he asks me for advice on a semi regular basis. Its the least i could do, because it was I who convinced my mother that Derrick WAS the devil. You said it yourself, im a tricky, tricky white boy. Sigh, but you know, as odd as it is, there IS a super pretty girl who i have been trying to talk to, and is actually sitting in the same computer room as i am, and i could have the great oppourtunity to talk to her, but i dont know what to say. Do i say "Hi, how are you" and introduce myself, since we've talked (somewhat) before. It happened in one instance, i just bit the bullet and talked to this girl and it was cool. Nothing came of it, but we talked a few times after the initial hello and it was nice. But i get myself nervous and such, trying to figure out a way to talk to a girl, because i get worried that i might come off wierd, or nervous, and so then, i might do that. but Ive done it before, so ive proved that i can, and as we all know, whatever i can do, i will, cause im good like that. And Mr. Rogers died yesterday. That's so sad. People need company and companionship in such times, so sad. And wow, im so tired im actually falling asleep right here, which would be a very bad thing. Okay, so this is the longest answer i've ever given any one on the FAQ's, it might just be a rant! WHy not, hey Samantha, should i add a rant?
46) Hi Eric. Yes. Yes you should add a rant.
Okay! Thanks Samantha!
47)Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends. We're so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside. There behind a glass stands a real blade of grass. Be careful as you pass, move along, move along.
Umm..thanks Peter. Well, although it somewhat fit our "return" to the website, that really wasn't an question. It just lyrics from a song by '70's super group Foreign R.E.O Styxwagon. Thanks alot though.
48)Hi Chris and Eric. Actually, that song is by the group Super Tramp. Just thought you might like to know. Love the site!
Jenny, FLA.
Um...I don't think so Jenny. Super Tramp was a foursome of superheros who were prostitutes, and fought crime (when they weren't ho'in) with their powers they gained from being hit with cosmic rays. See, there was Johnny Storm, the flaming Human Torch! Next was Ben Grimm, the mighty THING! And then, the leader of Super Tramp, Reed Richards, the elastic Mr. Fantastic! And then finally, wife of Reed Richards, who was also her pimp, Sue Richards, the amazing Invisible woman! Oh wait...thats the Fantastic Four. Yea. Okay, I'm sorry. But i have it on good authority that the Invisible Woman was a whore. Even Galactus himself or Apocalypse didn't pose a threat to the Marvel Universe as much as the Invisible Woman did, what with her STD's and such. She gave Wolverine gential warts that have yet to go away, and that man has super healing powers! Not even being invisible could hide the filth that were that woman's nether regions.
49) Hey guys. Actually, Jenny IS wrong. Stupid bitch. Its really a song by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer.
Who the hell are Lake, Palmer and Emerson? Is he the guy that made the light bulb?