December 22nd 2002- Its beginning to look alot like christmas...oh wait..its not!! Its Eric here *WINK*, thats me popping up out of nowhere like a little christmas elf. If your going to pop up out of nowhere, doing it in the guise of a christmas elf is the best way. So, what to rant about, what to say, i really dont have anything to talk about or say. Well, i have much to talk about, but nothing that i would bore you fine folks with, and nothing that i really want out there for your prying eyes to see! Realizations are a funny thing, and no matter how much you live your life and move forward into the future, there are those minor realizations that you never think about. Not like ephiphanies, but just those realizations such as "there is the very good chance that i will never see her again." And yes, I am speaking of the person whom i dated for awhile, Catherine. I'm sure she doesn't read any of these, so I'm sure i can say whatever i want. In fact, i dont think ANYBODY reads any of these, they are just mainly funny little diaries that Chris and I keep, just for our own entertainment. But anyway, let me preface this by saying that its not like i kept tabs on her or anything, in fact, i havnt gone into the store she worked at for quite some time, but i went into today to get some things, and i noticed that her picture was not behind the photo counter, and i know she was looking for another job in the time when last we talked. So i think she got another job and quit. So why is this important? Its not. Its just one of those things. I had entertained, somewhat, the idea of some time going in and seeing her, seeing how she was doing and such, but recently, decided against that. I didnt see a reason or a need for it, i felt that she would most likely be cold or mean to me, and i would prefer to remember how wonderful she was, and not how mean she could be, of which i got a taste when we last talked. So i decided that i would not. In fact, i think its best that we did break up. Its taken some time getting over it, but thats me. I dont get hurt easily, but i dont heal easily either, its a nice trade off, but only natural. It takes something big to hurt me, and naturally, something that big would take time to heal. But it did hurt, and its taken time, but that time is coming to a close i think. But also, I'll always remember her, and for sometime im sure, still think of her. But there was always that thought that i could go see her, and smooth things out. I wasnt going to try and get back together with her, or even start up any kind of friendship, but just as a matter of resolve and closure, hopefully find out if there are any hard feelings. And then move on. But like i said, i decided not to. I do believe that things have been best, i doubt i would have made the artistic advances ive made this past semester, these past 5 or so months, if we had been together. Such occurances as those i faced are a catalyst for expression, and the free time helped. But, though i decided not to contact her again, now having no way of contacting her has brought the realization; i will most likely never see her again. And if i dwelled on it, it could be a sad thing. But we both have lives, and both are moving and changing at a rapid rate. Like i said, my art is advancing and evolving in its maturity and scale, and i might be getting a job as a building assistant at the elementary school where i did my student observation hours. I would be like a teacher's assistant, but to all the teachers i beleive, and i would get to work with all the teachers and students, doing all kinds of things, so the experience would be wonderful. And i would be loving what i was doing. I work at a drycleaners right now, and that is just a job. But this job would be something that i would love to do, so hopefully i can get the job. I think i have a very very good chance. But again back to the main part of this rant that so far has not been funny at all (!!!, the last one was funny, this one is just a bring down aint it!?) but much of my (art)work deals with possibilities, with the way things happen and the roads they take, and eventually where they end up, and also, my (almost) inability to be through with things, i never truly end anything. they really only reach a point where they can go no further, but i always keep that alleyway, or a window open so that things can either get through, come back, or look back, i'm never truly finished with anything. i can never fully end anything. Nothing ever ends, it just evolves into something new.

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"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium, and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille

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December 21st 2002- Hey!! Look at me! Im actually writing a rant!! I havnt made one in almost a month! Its Eric here, in case you didnt know, and i know you did because you have my house bugged. But im not at my house, so you dont know where i am! Come to think of it, neither do i. After being drugged and tied in a sack and dumped in a river, i find myself in a wonderous world of tiny people and super pretty girls who all speak another language and who look asian, but i cant tell because they are all runing away from this giant monster who looks like godzilla..wait a minute!! I'm in Ontario Canada!! No, im just joking im still here in the good old city of

NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD
Its such a great city! Its hot in the city tonight! Possibly, i havnt checked the weather report, but im sure it will be good. I'll get myself a paint can and an attitude and gallivant about, yes, such is my life. And im finding the frames i need to incorporate my art into the coporeal! I am working on several resin pieces, using liquid light to print photographs onto the colored resin, and mounting them into frames with modified light boxes to illuminate them. They're going to be pretty. In fact, they are already pretty. So pretty in fact i had to ask one on a date! Its a bit of an ego trip to be taking your own artwork on a date, let me tell you. Or you tell me, since i obviously only talk about myself during these rants. I should return once again to my tirades on such people as Kenny Rogers, Dr. Numnum, Sister Wendy, Mr. Rogers....wait a minute...hold up one minute Trent Lott you racist bastard! (wait, should i say that? i heard that people might soon be liable for what they say on the internet) could it be that Mr. Rogers and Kenny Rogers are one and the same! OR actually two people, like that Valdemort fella in the Harry Potter books/movies, where he is actually like 4 people in one person or something, i was never quite clear on the subject. I think that perhaps Kenny Rogers has posessed Mr. Rogers, in an almost Being John Malkovich way, and has forced him to retire, so that the REAL Kenny Rogers might take over the show, and not force the production company to change the name! And who better to sing the opening theme song "I want to be your neighbor" than Kenny Rogers!? Except Kenny will change they lyrics to say "I want to be your dealer!" Because Kenny so does love songs with gambling themes. OR, if Kenny is in a down and out urban community, he could deal drugs! But instead of drugs, they would be hugs. HUGS WITH HEROIN!! Oh how i do love irony. Especially irony involving Kenny Rogers. Does anybody else find Kenny Rogers funny? No. I didn't think so.

"You gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to...why you cheap puppet bitch!! I just saw you pull an ace out of that sleeve thats up your ass...its Hammer time!!!"

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December 13th 2002 - It's Friday the 13th! And my mom's birthday! And I just took my Calc final in which hopefully I got an A! And I got paid today! And... well, I can't really think of much else. Anyway, as I was making my annual visit to the guestbook (because almost absolutely no one signs it, thus the long lack in visitations) I actually noticed that someone signed it! Go that person! It was especially funny that he cursed the fact that I don't live in Canada just because Liz and myself have always WANTED to live in Canada and will probably do so when we get our sham marriage (because I can't get married the way in which I would like to) and damn the man because he sucks soooo much. We're actually both really all about Canada because supposedly they're really friendly, as well as something to do with them having just as many guns as the US but way fewer homicides and gun-related deaths and whatnot. Oh, and we can't forget that they give asylum to women who need protection whereas the US does not! As a whole, Canada just rocks way more than the US in so many areas that it's not even funny. BUT anyhow, the more important part of all of this is that said guestbook signer had found our page while searching for information regarding babies with gills and such, thus coming to a very small entry in one of the rants in 2001 where I briefly mention my plan to have babies with gills and wings. The thing that completely took me by surprise is that I haven't even talked in DEPTH about my idea! I mean, it's the utter reason why I even have the name "biomoleculargeneticist"! I'm completely facinated by altering genetic structures and making cool things like those goats that are now making spider silk. And I truely believe it's possible to make babies with gills and/or wings and such. So, when someone a while while WHILE back asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I thought long and hard and came up with biomoleculargeneticist, thus making everyone rue the day they asked me that question because they can never spell it correctly. Even so, I'm not going to go into detail about how it might be possible to make such babies in the rant forum because it REALLY belongs at the bottom of the ideas page. So without further adieu, I'm going to go do that. So go check out the ideas page already! - chris

"Damn the man."

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December 11th 2002 - Okay, I need to talk about this topic because it effects everyone so much you don't understand. That topic is pants. Not just any old pants mind you, but the kind that are 18 sizes too large and have no belt. I'm not going to generalize who wears these pants because honestly I just don't care. NO ONE needs those pants! Well, except for the people who 'do' need extremely large pants, but that's another story. Normally I wouldn't give this thought another second, but I've actually seen a large assortment of people wearing these pants at school lately and it just struck this chord in me. IMMEDIATELY I had the utmost hilarious comment to say to ANYONE caught wearing those pants which is "Don't worry, you'll grow into them some day." ;D It's laughable because either it's a complete lie, or you're expecting them to become extremly fat. Now lets talk about the good points and bad points of these pants. (Remember, these are not "Hammer-pants", these are (heh) "normal" jean pants that happen to be really large) Lets move on right to the good points because as far as I can see, there aren't any. So that leaves us with bad points! While walking, said person wearing the large pants needs to spend a great portion of their time adjusting and pulling up the pants just so they don't fall. You know, because belts are just soo uncool these days. Hell, even if the pants DID have belts, they probably wouldn't effectively keep the pants up because you'd run out of belt to go through the many loops. =P So what could these people be doing instead of pulling their pants up? They could be doing so many things! Scratching their crotches (which seems to be a vastly overrated pasttime), talking on the cell phone, NOT almost harming a small child because a gust of wind caused your outlandish pant ass to flow away and smack he/she in the head causing a mild concussion. So many things you could be doing rather than ripping your pants back up to your mid-ass just to have them fall RIGHT back down! Okay, you could be wondering why I chose "mid-ass" as the place of pulling destination. That's because it just saves time to get to the inevitable of pulling them up. They 'need' those precious extra seconds that they're not spending on pulling the pants up to their WAIST because they inveritably already know the future of the location of their pants. It seriously sounds like a personal problem to me though. If you 'know' your pants are going to fall down on your at all times of walking, then why even buy them? I doubt it's to try the new sport of para-pants-gliding, and could it really be for fashion?? Oo Oo! Maybe it's an overcompensation for something lacking! Not unlike how 50 yr old men buy those penis cars, I mean expensive cars, to try and be really cool. My only last reasoning is that perhaps the Bermuda Triangle exists inside each and every one of those pants and these kind souls are doing the world a service by occupying the horrible tri-sided menace inside their pants so it doesn't unleash itself onto the unsuspecting world. In THAT case, THANKS GO TO YOU, you big pant wearin' person. Who knew you were really a super hero in disguise? The disguise of really freakishly enormous pants. .. Hm.. I wonder if economically they're paying 'more' for the grotesque use of fabric as opposed to regular sized pants. .. Nah, I'll just choose to think that they're all super heroes. And until this threat of the Bermuda Triangle is abolished, I say unto you.. "Don't worry, you'll grow into them some day." - chris

"I'm not exactly sure, but my mother may have been the originator of the phrase 'bo-honkin'."

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December 4th 2002 - Geez, does 'everyone's' life suck lately??! There must be a plague of unpleasantness going around or something. Either way, I'm really poor right now and I can't afford to pay for school. I'm 'also' getting a different car because I'm sick of putting money into my POS car. What does this mean? I have to take multiple loans to pay for everything. Which, upon estimating my education needs and car loan, I'll be in the hole about $30,000. Welcome to Chris's debt city, population me. At least (after taking this stupid entrance counseling quiz they make you take) I know that the least amount I'll have to pay for my school loan is going to be around $50 a month which I can handle. However, I roughly only make about hm... MAYBE $300 a month. Thank God I still live at home because I'd probably be living in a cardboard box and not going to school. Gah, anyhow. Other news, I'm almost done with school! Er.. that was misleading. What I mean to say is that I'm almost done with school for this semester! I still have a couple of tests, a project, and then finals, but that shouldn't be so bad. And I think I just aced my Calc test that I took today! Though that's statistically unlikely, it's still nice to dream. :] Also, there's this cute guy in my Accounting class that keeps exchanging glances with me. We haven't talked to each other or anything, plus the class is ending pretty soon, but it's still nice. Too bad I'm a big ole chicken in all respects that I'll probably never make the first move to talk to anyone and I definately wouldn't know how to act or what to say if someone approached me. Le sigh. Ah well, might as well start working on homework before I flunk out of the place that's organizing my loan. - chris

"My cat may have died, but we own a bipedal dog!"

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