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December 17th 2001 - Dare I make another rant? I dare! I probably should put this in the ideas page instead of in a rant, heck I might just do BOTH, who's to stop me? ;] After my horrible night of little kids on Saturday, it actually got progressively better. I got home around 10 or so and got online hoping Eric or Kim would be online so I could ask them if they wanted to get drunk. Neither of them were online, but my friend Morgan was and we chatted for a bit until she got tired. I had really wanted to get drunk too, but sadly that wasn't going to happen. I did however randomly get back online and Kim was on! We talked for a little bit and it was really great. Her car is not running right now so she's kind of stuck in her house and I hadn't seen her in a while so I decided to do her a favor and come over so she could get some Diet Coke (her soda of choice). Keep in mind this is 12:30 in the morning and I was deeply tired. We ended up driving around till 2:00 in the morning just talking and laughing. The most hilarious thing we ended up talking about was completely random too. We were somehow talking about how much we disliked Marilyn Manson and that it's really sad that he continues to steal really good songs and then turn them EVIL! (ie. Sweet Dreams, and now the new Tainted Love) Granted I haven't heard the Tainted Love song yet but I'm pretty sure he's covering it just to make it evil, doubtful he made his own original song and named it Tainted Love. Well, we then went off on a tangent of "what if.."'s and about wouldn't it be funny if Marilyn Manson just out of the blue did an entire remake of The Sound of Music soundtrack! Just think about it if you will. Those are some pretty upbeat and happy songs there, with the few exceptions like Aidle-vise (sp?!) and So Long, Farewell. Now add Marilyn's wonderful gutteral and evil voice to those songs and they're just hilarious! I shudder to think what the music videos would be like, him all twirling around a grassy mountain-top in a nun's outfit singing this really eviled-up song, but it'd still be down right laughter all the way. We're hoping that Marilyn will somehow think of this idea on his own and grace us with our utmost wishes to have The Sound of Music redone by him. But we don't want him to stop there, nooo.. We want him to redo other wonderful classics too! Why not, lots of Disney movies such as The Lion King, ooo ooo, or better yet, Mary Poppins!? Can't go wrong with more Julie Andrews. Ahh.. so funny it just kinda makes your side hurt doesn't it? ;] If Kim and I can, we hope to make our own copies of what the Marilyn Manson Sound of Music would sound like and then laugh our asses off. Probably right after we make that snow lesbian. .. Now to round up my rant, let me tell you all who could probably care less that we just recently got Windows XP. Do I like the new format? Kind of, but not really. Why you say? Because it's stupid!! Lemme give you an example. It's supposed to offer more 'security', but does it? DOES IT?!? All I know is that we have four different user profiles which basically gives us almost four different desktops on one computer and you can't see what someone else has, well, kind of anyway. My Morpheus program (the thing we now use because Napster got sued and all) has only one song on it because I d/led it - that new Ben Folds song because I like the music, the words I don't really care for. (Side note: I'm probably not going to buy his cd because, come on.. Rock the f-ing suburbs?!??) Anyway, onto the point. My brother however, evidently has his 'own' copy of Morpheus on his pseudo-desktop and I can see everything he has d/led in 'my' copy. Want to know what he's been downloading? PORN!! Lots and lots of girl and vagina porn. Britney Spears (bleh), Jessica Alba (okay), and other stuff. 33 Pictures of woman goodness and so far 8 movies of vaginas in motion. Can you believe it?? I personally think it's hilarious just because my brother doesn't think I know of his porn addiction, but he does such a horrible job hiding it! The kicker is that he's all "christian mighty" and such, and where as I'm going to hell "just because I'm gay", he's perfectly fine having two separate lives: normal, and porn. Now I'm not knocking porn mind you,.. totally fine with the porn. But the issue of being so adamantly against so much and then hide something like this?? It's just odd! But thus is my family. - chris

"Why is my mom going to get me Phantom of the Opera tickets (which I asked for) and then threaten to take my DAD with us?!?"

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December 15th 2001 (Saturday from HELL!!!) - Oh my god do I hate little kids. Okay maybe not 'all' little kids, but definitely little kids who want to skate and therefore want skates, but want them NOW!! Tonight I had to work a 9 hour shift because of some stupid D.A.R.E. youth event at the rink. What does that mean?: About 600 or more kids, who paid 2 bucks to get in, to have as much free pizza, soda, skating time, swimming time, and dancing time as they want for 4 hours!! 2 f-ing dollars!!! They made my life a living hell and they pretty much got off on it. My only consolation was that I wasn't taking a lot of crap so when these kids wanted skates or their shoes back and they were pissing me off, I'd make them form a line no matter who was first or I wasn't moving. It was funny to see them all stare at me and not move into a line because they thought I was bluffing. Then I went and drank some water until they got their line in order. Sure it's petty but I couldn't exactly run them over like I wanted to. I swear, the whole DARE thing didn't exactly make me want to not do drugs. If anything, I want to go do ALL DRUGS POSSIBLE now. THANKS DARE!! Gah, anyway. At least I got a "cost of living expenses" raise of 26 cents, which isn't really much, but still. When I was at Schnucks I got a raise of less than that probably every 6 or 7 months. I've only been at the rink 2 months. Speaking of the rink, I'd love it if one of the guys who works in the pool side as a life guard was gay, but like that's statistically possible. ;] .. Damn, it's really annoying that I haven't ranted since the 2nd and I really don't have anything to talk about. Basically since school is over for a month and I've just been working all the time, (and I can't 'believe' that Eric possibly saw that guy at the school library and didn't taser him or something), my life is pretty repetative and thusly non rantable. This is where I'm glad that Eric has that whole able to rant about everything and anything talent to help fill up the website. Hopefully when classes start in January I'll be able to do some cooler stuff to the site because one of my classes is Intro to Javascript. I can't wait till school as my classes and their placements are completely awesome. I only have one class on Tuesday/Thursday, two on Wednesday, and one on Saturday. I get Monday and Friday completely off, and since I have those Wed and Sat classes, I get to skip work a couple more times! Hm.. I should probably go think up christmas gifts now, since that stupid holiday is almost upon me. I'm really poor so people are just going to have to be happy with discount hookers or something. - chris

"I HATE kids, and I have blisters on my feet."

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December 11th 2001: Scene TWO, in which a catch phrase is accused of polygamy.

Sometimes in the lion haired midstream Man-type heard a rooster call, fore-going the often times rushed delivery of straight locked minstrels and half bored out of their minds boy toys he asked her what kind of shirt she wore, and what kind of bra size could a man look for in a suit. "It aint so much the bra" she said "as it is the things inside the bra, myself i keep my phonebooks strapped to the insides and the numbers of all the people I'm mad at bundled up like cord wood hiding out in the back" Losing the idea for a thoughtful blue he sought out the phone cards for the ambushed regards of pony eyed slick styles, something only told me it wasnt the only way out, "I still have that number in my wallet, the number i dialed a few times but didnt get through" is the only words he could come up with in the red sweated flashbacks of lights and flash bulb crash photography. It takes him fourty minutes to re-wind the sound bytes he heard in the back, workin up the courage to go out the side door to enclose the circuit for the black sign. Furred collar and simple eyed loners hung out near the corner asking somebody for an extra quarter for that extra bit of coffee. "i'd like mine in this cup" somebody said and held out his eyes, when right there down the street they rolled and came to somebody else's feet. They were tiny women's feet, real small like a picture, like they were only in a picture and they came up and stepped on those slacks and said "i only have this one dress, what can you give me for it" and he told her that he couldnt give her anything for it because that dress was all he had. "it cant be all you have, it belongs to me" and he told her she could do with it what she wanted, and only in walkin did he wish he still had those eyes that rolled on their way.

"I saw ROMANCE written in bold type on a pink piece of paper and thought 'is that all the Romans did?' I didn't force nobody to laugh at my jokes, i didnt force nobody to eat my stew, i didnt end up the tightwad of the group or slight the hand of the poker drawer, sliding out the hands like shiva in a backlot. Eating up the time is what the groan told to me, aint nothin for the prescription for romance like a bit of german fly and mortar shell, only in the times of war and flight might you find that it aint never left, that it was always there in another disguise, and all them romans did was leave us in the hitch for the rest of the week, packin up the pocket librarys of poems and philosophies, sliding up the car door of the old station wagon, he shouted out "you, in back, you...in front, you...trunk, you in engine, cause thats what it takes" it takes a catalyst, that crystal eyed thought machine working steam lines like a rock slave, slaggin out work after work and wheres it going?"

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December 11th 2001: Scene ONE, in which Eric wants a cell phone

For some reason, I'm not all for getting a cell phone. I'm not against other people using them, though they always seem so serious and ostentatious, walking around with their hands to their ears hiding the tiniest cell phone imaginable, or those kinds that i like to call "quiet, I'm talking to God" kind where they have a miniscule ear piece and a tiny little mouth piece somewhere, so it looks like they are just talking to the blue. But I've come to the conclusion that I will only buy a cell phone if it plays that great circus music when it rings and when i answer it, elephants come out and ring masters and girls in skimpy clothes and lions and tigers, minus sigfried and roy of course. It would be wonderful, somewhat disaterous to anything around me. God forbid i should be in my car when i get a call. And anyway, nobody calls me. They know I'm never home and also they know that to talk to me, they have to first make an elephant noise or i will refuse to speak to them. Strange thing, I think i might have seen Chris' boy here at the library. (The guy Chris thinks is cute) Should I capture him and bring him to Chris? Perhaps we shall see. And lets hear a round of applause for the last day of the semester being tomorrow!!! Is there anyway to speak in code here so that no one will know what I'm talking about? I could talk about all the great cosmic secrets of myself, the things that only my inner guru can help me with. Perhaps we shall see. Din non neek tok. Wait i think thats Klingon. Not that I know Klingon of course, but maybe I do, may it be that that is one of the great cosmic secrets? I think I know myself well enough to know whether or not I know Klingon though. Or at least know the difference between gibberish and some made up language. Do you think there was ever a Klingon rap group called Kling-Rap? And maybe the front man was named Reynolds and so the group was called Reynolds Kling-Rap? And I don't like Dave Matthews Band. I thought I would bring that up. I'm tired.

"Since when did the rants become the sole property of Eric? And since when did the quotes at the end of the rant become fairly obvious observations?"

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December 9th-2001-Eric slightly changes his mind!!

Hey everybody! If you read the previous rant then you know what this one is about when i start to talk about it. Today i was at the mall, and i was passin by a GAP store. Like i said (or at least believe i said) in the previous rant, I havn't ever set foot in a GAP store, so i figured i would. So i slightly change my mind about GAP, its not that bad. They have some nice stuff, although i still think that their commercials suck and that they cater to conformity. Would i buy stuff from there? Yea, I would. I don't think that makes me a hypocrite, because i would be buying the stuff because I want some jeans or a sweater, like i said, they do have some nice stuff. But i wouldn't buy that stuff for the name, I don't care about names. But anyway, there ya go. Good thing though, while i was in there a sales person came up to me (i hate those britney spears head sets they wear though) and she asked me if i went to Flo (the school I go to) and it turns out she is in my psych class, so I ask her what the final is over; the entire semester or just a few chapters, and she said it was about all the tests, so perhaps it is a good thing that I went to the GAP. I opened up an entire box of frogs in the store as well.

"I have to go to the bathroom!!!! Really, I do. This isn't a quote. It's a fact."

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December 8th- 2001 Eric here

Wow you must say, "how can Eric find the time to add stuff to the site while being so busy!?" well thats cause im off work, i went in at 8 and got off at 2, so its all good. I need to do other stuff though but this doesn't take long, since i type quick and think even quicker. I'm sure every one has seen those GAP commercials (ALL Gap commercials SUCK except for the Will Ferrell as Neil Diamond one) You can't get away from them. They are so stupid that even someone as incredibly cool as Dwight Yokam shouldn't be in it. He still sings well in it. Okay, maybe they aren't horrible, some are okay, but NOT the one with Shaggy in it. I'm not the biggest fan of his music, and does he really sing? I don't think that the person singing on the songs is actually him, he is actually the guy that sounds like Fozzy from the Muppets. And on these commercials....what the hell is he doing!? He's jumping around and kicking the air like some half blind ninja, TRYING to sing this song (parody of which comes later) but he is singing it, and this is verbatim I believe "give a lil bitHAH!! Give a lilbit o yo luv toWHOOOO meHAH!! a lilUH bitHAH!" I mean what the hell is going on!? He sounds like he is having chest pains and the spirit coursing through him at the same time. Like a cross between the guy from the first Alien movie that had the creature burst through his chest, combined with Fozzy from the Muppets, thrown in with a little bit of Animal from the Muppets (who has tourrettes mind you) thrown in with someone in a tent revival, thrown in with someone with severe gastro-intestinal pains. It's just a stupid commercial. The song "give a little bit" is by SuperTramp. Yes i know that. Not really a big SuperTramp fan, love the name, but indifferent to the music. But the regular lyrics are these "give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me, see the man with the lonely eyes, take his hand, you'll be surprised." Want to know how the commercials could be SO much better? They use my lyrics!!!

Now, sure, I've bought things from Banana Republic (Chris despises them, and they should be. I just like some of their clothes, don't like the store. I like to go in there looking like a hobo, its fun. They are kind of like GAP, but for some reason, I just don't care for the GAP. I don't know why, I just dunna, to borrow that phrase from Scrooge McDuck. Maybe all those "everybody in the freakin world wears our clothes, so should you! Why have personal style when WE can give your OUR style!!!" Like Abercrombie and Fitch, who had that HORRIBLE song made about them, about that girl that looks like she wears Abercrombie and Fitch (repulsed shudder courses through my body) You always see people with clothes that just say "Ambercrombie". What about Fitch? Doesn't he/she get to have their name plastered all over somebody's butt or breasts? I think Fitch got the short end of the stick, so basically if anybody asks you where you are going and you say to their store, you should say "I'm going to Abercrombie AND I NO LONGER HAVE A SOUL!!!" Because truthfully, I think that's what the title should be. Hey, I like good clothes and I like style, sometimes I can be GQ and other times, I'm just a normal guy. Right now im wearing my dark blue jeans and my G.I Joe Cobra emblem shirt. No offense of course to anybody who shops those places of course. Writing all this has made me think of a great poem/tribute Bob Dylan wrote about Woody Guthrie, about being yourself in a world that celebrates assembly line personalities and entertainment, its long and I'll put a link to it so if your interested you can read it. Woody GuthrieBut I'll write out the best part here:

And it ain't in the dime store dummies or bubblegum goons

Taken from "last thoughts on woody guthrie" by Bob Dylan, copyright 1973 Special Rider Music at www.BobDylan.com, I hope they don't mind.

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December 5th- 2001

Time again for another of "Eric's fatigue induced hallucinatory episodes!"

I just imagined i made a rant. WOW! I'm so out of it.

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December 5th, PART TWO! Yes, it is Eric again....or is it one of those cauliflowers from Veggie Tales?

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YOUR BOTH WRONG!! ITS THE CARROT!! The best one out of that religious appetizer platter. Are they religious? Wait i should know, I'm one of them. They never tell me anything. There is a dancing Santa Claus here at the library. He dances and shakes his hips around, he so jolly.

Wait....that isn't Santa........ THAT ISN'T SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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December 4th 2001- Eric's december rant titled "Fuck this shit"

As we all know, I'm working way too much. Do we all know why? Maybe not. A few months ago, close to a year, i started working two jobs. I started making alot more money at my "new" job, so i quit my old one and went to work full time at the new one. Both are dry cleaners by the way. I finally had free time, time in which i could just hang out, do nothing, work on whatever projects i wanted, gallivant about. But the lady I worked with (at the old job) took my place and was doing good, keeping up with everything and no problems, but she is an idiot. I think this woman has no common sense at all, because she fell at work, and tore a ligament in her leg, and didn't tell ANYBODY for two months. SO thats where i come back in, because she has to take off because she is almost crippled from working on a torn ligament for two months. A few weeks goes by and she comes back, and decides, in that wonderful common sense, "hey! my first day back, i should work ten hours straight! with no break and food!!" Could she have taken a break? Yes. Food? Yes. Did she have to work that long? Absolutely not. Everybody told her she could leave, but she wouldn't, so she screwed up her leg even more and she has to go in for surgery, which leads BACK to me working 10 to 12 hour days, 12 hour school days on tuesday and thursday, and working about 4 to 6 hours on saturday, so that is about a 60 work week, with absolutey NO free time it seems. Why no free time? because i cant get anything done because im at work or school all the time, so when i'm not, i have to go get those things done. I just found out that i have a psychology test this thursday that i havn't even begun to study for, AND the final next thursday. AND i have three projects in design class due by thursday, and drawing projects due thursday. So i cant catch a fucking break. Sure, im making alot of money, but i don't even care about that any more. I'm getting maybe 6 hours of sleep, maybe 7, but when you are absolutely busy from 7 when you wake up until about midnight when you finally get to go to bed, your too tired for that to do any good. So i'm tired and getting very irritable. Very irritable. My old boss wants me to keep working there even when the other lady comes back, but im gonna tell him im not. Or at least not that much. I think, when school gets out for the holiday break i can get some relaxation, but thats not really the case since i cant ever get anything done at my "old" job, because shit keeps coming in and i get very little help, so i work all this time and it doesn't seem to make that much of a difference. And on top of that, I think im getting sick again, having just gotten over a cold about two or three weeks ago (thats another thing, my concept of time has completely gone away. What was only days ago feels like it was weeks or months) and im getting sick again. Normally i get sick maybe once a year, it goes away after a week and im not sick again for a long, long time. So working around 35 hours a week, 24 hours of school total, tired, irritable and now sick just pisses me off and leads me to repeat the title, fuck this shit. It felt a lil good to vent about it though. OOh look, i get to go to class now!

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December 2nd 2001 - The world was almost minus one Christophe and one Liz on the 30th, stupid crazy full moon night. Too much stuff happened and it's been a couple of days so I'm pretty much over it, but still.. almost being blown up is kind of too odd to even think it happened. First off, for no reason at all I had a small panic attack before I had to go to work. Then Liz called and I asked her if she'd like to go to work with me, to which she said yes. My idea was to work in the Admissions booth so that she could tell me about her Thanksgiving, but that didn't happen. There was a line of people to get in and skate so long that it took an hour for them all to get in. And everyone in the line was cold (cuz they weren't exactly 'dressed' for the cold!) and therefore really bitchy towards me. So after all 170 or more people were inside, the generator next to the garage turned on but a lot louder than normal. After that, all the lights in the entire building turned off, which prompted everyone on the rink to skate towards the exit in a hurried mass of confusion and screaming. Well, it was kind of freaky to say the least and I didn't know what was going on. Then the next thing we know, me and Liz see a fire truck and lots of fire men running into the building. We assumed that they were only called 'in case' something bad happened since no one was alarming any of us something was wrong or to leave. Well, that's only because the manager on duty that night is an asshole and basically didn't tell me that the generator actually was on FIRE and that's right next to the garage where they keep all the propane and gasoline tanks, and me and Liz were basically in the garage where the admissions booth is located. So therefore even though it didn't happen, we could have been blown up completely. I only found this out when I went to go help other people in the skate shop that the manager had told 'them' if they smelt gas or anything to get their stuff and get the hell out of there. Okay, so that was just crazy, but there's more. Also a kid who was out there skating had evidently skated over his thumb or somehow cut his thumb and it was really bloody and practically hanging off of his hand. I didn't see it, but supposedly it was so deep you could see the entire bone. The kid was actually holding it together pretty well until they said he'd have to get stitches, then he started crying. The only odd thing about it was that his mouth was bloody too and when asked if he cut his mouth, he said no, and that he was trying to stop the bleeding of his thumb by putting it in his mouth and sucking. Stupid. ;] So, that would seemingly be enough to already make me want to quit, but no, I go to help the skate shop people and there was such a rush of people to get their shoes back that we couldn't put the skates back fast enough so we put them on the floor and had a huge 3 foot by 2 foot wall of skates in the skate shop. It took us 45 minutes just to put them all away and it was freakishly hot in the skate shop, which didn't exactly put us to ease since it's not supposed to be warm and we figured that maybe there was still a fire and we were going to blow up or something. The last thing that happened was completely random and full moonish. The manager wouldn't let us leave because he couldn't find a certain pair of keys to some doors so we had to wait around, and then a nose of one of the rink guards that no one really likes spontaneously starts to bleed! It was way too random and crazy of a night for all these things to happen. My only consolation is that all of those people who were there probably won't go skating again for a while,.. hopefully anyway. Now I just need to study for finals and register for classes for next semester in which I will finally be able to get my associates degree in NOTHING! =D It's a general transfer studies associates degree. Tomorrow should be fun since I have to go to school, then go to the doctor and get my allergy test done and get pummeled by numerous needles, weee! - chris

"'I'm about to be sucked dry by Dracula Bus! The bus, of the undead' - Aqua Teen Hunger Force"

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December 1st 2001- Eric here.

Okay, how many "Land Before Time" movies have they made? At least 40, maybe 50. Thats a hell of a lot of movies about some dinosaurs, especially ones that never grow!! Why aren't they all adults by now? Is it REALLY a land before time, a world in which time does not exist and there fore they never age? Or are they just having one HELL of a week? All 98 of the movies takes place within a week or a month? That might make more sense. I saw a commercial for the newest one, called something like "the big freeze" Does this imply that the ice age is coming, and therefore killing them all? And POSSIBLY preventing them from making more movies? I mean, you'd think death would prevent you from making movies, but Notorious B.I.G just released a "new" CD, so apparently even if they do die in the ice age, they will still be making movies!! Trapped in blocks of ice!!

"wow little foot, its so cold."

See!! That's what the next movie should be. "The Land Before Time 768: The Pressure Gets To Them!" Isn't it time to let those dinosaurs retire and live a steady life off of residuals? I think it is, but that's just my opinion, might be right or wrong.

No, wait, its RIGHT!!! Poor dinosaurs.

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"BREAKING NEWS: Dinosaur experts have discovered the true reason behind the dinosaur's extinction: Massive work load and poor pay!"

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