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Mom's Memories from |
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Chris
honey, I will never forget that day of June 21, 2001. Jodie had come over
so we could go for a walk together for some exercise. I thank God she was there with me. The phone call came in around 6:35 pm; Jodie had not been
there long. It was John; he had told the Sheriff that he wanted to tell
me, so they allowed him to make the initial call to me.
John
said "Mom, I think Chris drowned", I told him he was kidding and he
said no I am not mom and then the next thing I remember is the Sheriff talking
to me. I don't recall much of my conversation with the Sheriff except that
I kept saying "Oh my God, Oh my God”, "Where is my son at now".
He told me you were in the ambulance on the way to Waconia Ridgeview Hospital
and that when the ambulance left they were performing CPR.
He asked if I had someone there with me and I said yes, I guess I must
have just dropped the phone and we left because later that night John told me
when he came back to the house the phone was off the hook.
My
legs felt like they were collapsing on me, I thought I was going to faint.
I kept saying “Jodie, I can’t do this, Jodie, I can’t do this”.
She said lets just get over to the hospital everything will be all right.
We
got to the hospital and I ran into the ER and said my son Chris Rueben was
brought in, he was drowning and the receptionist wanted me to have a seat and
register, I said “I want to be with my son, they were doing CPR on him, I want
to be with him”, she kept telling me I had to register, my legs were still
feeling like collapsing, I kept going down.
Jodie came rushing in with Ben and I said “Jodie they won’t let me
back there” and the lady told her I had to register and Jodie said, “Do you
have kids?” Finally the lady
talked to someone back in the ER and said “Could someone come up here and talk
to this mother”, and then a nurse appeared from inside a door, asking us to
come in. I knew something horrible
was wrong, why would they bring us in a separate room?
The
nurse set us down and simply told us they were still working on you. I recall something about a number of shots or shocks
being given already and either Jodie or I asking if I could go back there to be
with you. They would not let me
back with you. Later, someone came
out and asked me if there was anyone I wanted them to call, and I thought no,
then I said, Yes, Pastor John from Waconia Moravian church.
I don’t know how long it was before the doctor came out and talked for
a minute or so, then someone coming and telling me I can go in there and
explaining all the tubes and wires I would see.
I did not care; I just wanted to be with you.
I
got into the room; there you were lying there with all these tubes and wires.
A doctor or nurse, someone, a male, standing at your head squeezing the
air bag to give you air, I won’t forget the solemn look on his face. The doctor on your right side with some machine, later
he told me the machine was an ultrasound where they would look to see if you had
any heart activity. Others
were in there also but I don’t recall much about who and what they were all
doing.
I
bent down next to you and kept whispering in your ear, “I know your strong
honey, you can do it, just take a breath, just breathe. I love you, Chris I love
you” The smell of the throw up, the sand on your face, and in your ears.
I will never forget those things. I
kept stroking your hair and whispering to you, “I love you, I love you”.
I don’t know how long it was when the doctor told the man who was doing
the air to stop and then took the ultrasound machine to see if any heart
activity was there and then said still no activity, and said that’s it, more
words were mumbled but after hearing, “that’s it” everything is fuzzy.
Everything seemed to just stand still and stop.
My baby boy was gone, never to come back and say “Mom do you need a
hug”, never to play catch with Ben again, never to hang out and have fun with
his big brother, never to kick another awesome field goal, never to throw
another discus and make it to state.
I
just kept holding you, crying, stroking your hair, talking to you, Jodie came in
and Ben shortly followed. I don’t
think he really understood and still does not.
Time was like a sandy hourglass, slowly going on and on… not sure what
events followed what.
I
remember people coming, Keri and Kelly, Chris and Ryan, Brittany, Leeann, Phil.
Jodie kept asking me who she should call, I could not think, told her
Toni and Mary, Cathy, Meghan and others, names just kept coming to me slowly.
They could not reach pastor John so they got the pastor from the
hospital, then an elder from the Moravian Church came.
More people were beginning to show up, so many of your friends, Toni,
Dawn and Evan, Gloria and Micah, Mike A. Ben
kept running around, I am not sure who even took care of him then.
John
showed up finally and was devastated, he had such a hard time looking at you,
especially with all the tubes connected to you.
But I could not let you go, I needed to hold you forever.
I told John “you have to go call Dad”, John went home and called Dad.
Not sure of how the conversation went, I think he had to leave a message
on his cell phone, then sometime later he called him again from the hospital I
think. Many of John’s friends
began showing up also, people just kept coming to say good-bye.
Some had to just come to see it to believe it.
Doctors,
Nurses, Sheriff’s kept talking to me, asking me questions.
I remember saying something to the Sheriff about “Why, is Lake Ann so
evil, why are so many people dying in Lake Ann?”
One Sheriff said he did not know details but that he did know there is a
dropoff out there near the floating dock.
Many questions and comments I don’t remember, except when the nurse
came to talk to me about donating your eyes and other items.
I did not hesitate, if part of you could stay alive in someone else, then
I would be happy to. She had
to call the Red Cross and Minnesota Lions Eye Bank and they would need to have a
conversation with me. Sometime
later I did talk to them, we agreed to donate your eyes, heart valves, leg bones
and some tissue for burn victims. We
discussed your arm bones also but they said if we were to have an open casket
and you would be wearing a short sleeve shirt then we probably should not donate
your arm bones. So I decided
against that, because I knew how proud you were of your arm muscles and wanted
you to be able to wear your favorite shirt to show off our muscles.
At
sometime Pastor John showed up and I felt a rush of relief that you would have
him with you and that we would have him with us.
We prayed and prayed. We had
prayed with the other two that had come earlier but having pastor John just felt
better. I just kept telling everyone I did not want to let you go, I
don’t want to leave, he’s just a baby.
The nurses told me I could stay as long as I needed to.
I would just lay there with my head on your chest stroking your hair and
face, telling you how much I love you and I will never forget you.
I remember feeling your chin and saying he must have shaved today,
because I remember the comment just days before about the fuzz you had on your
chin, now it was baby boy smooth. A
nurse came in to clean you up a little and to remove much of the tubes and
wires. Oh God, how I did not ever want to leave you.
One nurse came and put a warm blanket on you, to try to keep your body
warm, but I could feel it getting cold and stiff.
I would hold your hand and remember how strong you were and how you would
hold Ben’s hand, and throw that Discus. Time
kept still slowly trickling by, or so I thought.
Your lips began to get cracked, your skin color began to get grayish and
you were getting so, so very cold. I
did not want to remember you that way.
I
asked everyone to leave the room so I could talk to you alone.
I don’t remember much of what I said except “I hope you know how
proud I was of the young man you became, I hope you know how very much I loved
you”, “I will never forget you”, “You will forever be my baby
boy”
