If you have any Homer Simpson quotes, send them in to me. I will give you credit too.
Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that...building...thingie... where our beds and TV... is.
Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?
Homer's Brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.
Homer: Ummm... revenge?
Homer's Brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here. (step step step step step...slam)
(praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy bidding will be done (munch munch munch).
"What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!
Insurance Guy : "O.K, now before I give you the check, I have just one more question. That place Moe's you were coming back from, that is a buisness of some sort..."
Homer Brain : "Don't say you were at a bar. BUT what else is open at night?"
Homer : "I was at a pornography store, I was buying pornography."
Homer Brain : "Hehe, I would a never thought of that."
Marge : "That's not God, that's a waffle that Bart threw on theceiling."
Homer (eats waffle) "Mmmm...Sacrelicious!"
Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!
Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
"You don't know what its like, I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line, and I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth! Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, you don't know what to do! FORGET IT MARGE! ITS CHINATOWN!"
Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.
When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.
Marge: Homer, did you call the audience "Chicken"?
Homer: No! I swear on this bible!
Marge: That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples.
Homer: Mmmm... fuzzy.
Homer::"No tv and no beer make homer something, something"
Marge: "Go crazy?"
Homer: "Dont mind if I do!!"
Homer: Shut up or ill stab u with a q-tip.
Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Homer: (Offering Lisa a donut.) Donut?
Lisa: Uhh... got any fruit?
Homer: This one has purple in it. Purple's a fruit.
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.
Doctor: (Eating a hot dog) Delicious!
Homer: I've got the presciption for you, Doctor... another hot beef injection! (Hands him a hot dog)
Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper!
Homer: Oh, now who's being naive?
Mr. Burns (Golfing with Homer): Use an open-faced club! A sand wedge!
Homer: Mmmmm... open-faced club sandwich.
Homer: For once, somebody may call me "Sir" without adding, "...you're making a scene."
Homer (Upon finding out he's been admitted to college): (Singing) I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!
Reporter: Don't you think it's dangerous to send civilians into space?
Homer: I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! (Starts sobbing uncontrollably)
Homer: Ahhh... sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?
Homer: Mmmm... soylent green.
Homer: Awww... 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo hoo!