You know what I REALLY hate? I don't mean hate as in the MET system, or even how silly Ange looks like with red hair (joke), I mean hate at around the same level as George W. Bush hate. Deep down, seething, I would remove this blight form the planet if it meant that 75.5% of the population had to die in order to cleanse the earth of this foul, disgusting thing. If you didn't guess by the title, I HATE smoking.

I don't know what the attraction to those little, ugly, putrescent chemically deadly creations are. They don't look "cute" or "sexy" and anyone who argues might want to re-evaluate their definition of these word. I'll give it to you here now:
 
        Sexy: 1. Sexually attractive or stimulating. 2. Sexually aroused. 3. Concerned with or engrossed in sex. 4. Exciting, appealing, trendy.

Ok, now ladies, if you find a fag sexually attractive or stimulating, perhaps you should upgrade in size...many may say that size doesn't count, but at least have to have something that you could feel. Now, stimulating, perhaps. There are deadly toxins in there, and I'm certain that they influence your body, which would stimulate it. Never the less, you don't hear too many people, after they've swallowed a bit of drain cleaner say to you "God damn, now that was sexy!" Perhaps instead cigarettes sexually arouse you. There's just something about sucking in, feeling the smoke curl around you blackened, nearly charred lungs, considering how wonderful it is to suck on something, and then blow out it. Guys, if smoking really gets you going like this, and you think you're heterosexual, take a good solid look at yourself. You might learn something about yourself, and not necessarily something bad (who cares who you view as sexually stimulating) but at least then you could recognise your sexual preference and get what you REALLY want, some hard, stiff cock. Remember, according to your training, spit, don't swallow. Maybe the third part of this definition applies somehow, but I don't see how one can truly translate smoking with being engrossed in sex, save that you like to have something in your mouth at all times. If that's the case, grab a lollipop or a coke bottle. If you use either of these devices you are able to walk it off, whereas you have to cut out the damaged organs in the case of smoking. Now, it's the final part of the definition that most smokers will be jumping up and down (and huffing and puffing shortly thereafter) saying "that's it, that's the one you non-smoking prick! That's why I do it!" Let's take a long, hard look at this definition, shall we?

        Exciting: Arousing great interest or enthusiasm

I suppose, after looking at the definition this is completely fair. Smokers are regularly excited to learn that the price of their cancer-giving-heart-attack-causing sticks of death is going up. Most are also quite excited whenever a study emerges proving that they've been right, no harm comes from sucking poison into your lungs. They get VERY enthusiastic to get more smokes, regardless of the consequences when they've been completely addicted, and if they don't get their cancer sticks, they'll tear out your lungs when you mention how amusing it is if you're a non-smoker. Ok, so maybe there are some reasons to get excited, but none that are positive. I mean, do you really get excited when you haven't had you daily dose of cyanide? I know that I don't get up in the morning and say to myself, "Gee whiz, I really feel as though I need to poison myself, it's been at least a few hours since my last time." But hey, I suppose to each their own.

        Appealing: Attractive, likeable

I don't think that this one is particularly useful in the smoker's case. If it's their raw appearance that does it for you, then why the hell not just buy a pack, and occasionally pull out a smoke and look at it, the beautiful symmetry, awesome colour, and breathtaking roundness. Sorry, I haven't found a smoker that does this, but if this is you, then I suppose that part four of the definition is applicable to you. If you find cigarettes likeable, or pleasant, then you must have something wrong with your head, or perhaps you simply are a masochist. I know that, personally, I don't like, or find it pleasant, to harm myself. I got food poisoning once, and damn, that's not something that I particularly want to experience again. I suppose there might be some that really enjoy it, and that it is [s]exually ... stimulating. Personally, I think you're just weird then. Now, I wouldn't find it nearly as weird if you brought a whip around with you and occasionally got someone to lash you. Other's might, but as long as I don't get whipped it's all good by me.

Ok, so we've went through the definition, piece by piece, and essentially the only thing that is common, is that if you think that smoking is sexy, you're either a nymphomaniac in denial, bi- or homosexual in denial, or disturbed, because you're hurting yourself for no particular reason. "Chris" you might say, "you just don't get the high that comes with smoking, it feel GREAT!"

To such individuals I must shake my head. It is true that, for the first few times, you really did get a high, but now, smoking is performed just to avoid the low. The high isn't experienced very often, and what you're attributing to a high a non-smoker feels each and every day of their lives. They also taste things, feel things, and smell things better that a smoker. Now, if it's a feeling of wonder that you're really looking for, find something productive to do. Go running, jogging, snowboarding, whatever it is that gets you high on adrenaline. Go and write down something, form a book, perhaps about why smoking is such a horrific habit. Maybe, instead of poisoning those around you, you could instead help people. Walk little old ladies across the street; be nice to people that you normally wouldn't. It's amazing how wonderful you can feel after just being a decent human being.

And speaking of being a wonderful, decent human being, if you simply HAVE to have that drag, don't do it inside, where non-smokers are. They don't buy your cancer sticks, they probably aren't particularly fond of any of the toxins that you're about to release as soon as you light up, so don't do it near them. Have the common decency to go outside, where you're smoke will be diffuse, causing less harm to those around you. Hell, get the whole group of smokers that are at the gathering you're attending and go together, while warning the rest of us. That'll mean we don't risk wandering outside and accidentally inhaling your deadly brew.

Anyhow, this is just a small amount of my hatred for smoking, but I think that it gets across my point; I don't understand the draw of the white little deaths, and despise the thought that others would smoke them around me; it's just filthy really, not to mention rude. I don't buy firearms to shoot you, piece by piece, why should you buy cigarettes and kill me, puff by puff?