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So, here I go again, waffling like John Kerry. And if my ADHD brain doesn't forget this argument, I should stick to this one, and not bother you good folks with it any longer.
So this girl I'm madly in love with. If you don't know the story already, I'm gaga for her, but she doesn't feel the same, and she thinks we should just be friends instead of me trying for a fateful result. And it's funny, now that I think about it. If I keep trying, persuading, nagging; we'll end up like our mothers.
A little background. Both of our mothers were madly in love with someone. And in the end, both settled for someone they liked okay. And it just came to me just right now that if I continue on the path I'm on, that's the way it's gonna end up; she might love someone else, but she'll end up with me because she likes me okay.
I listen to the Pearl Jam song "Better Man," and I always figured that with my luck, that's how I'd end up. Some poor woman would end up with me because they couldn't "find a better man." I think I'd rather end up alone and lonely then to ruin someone's life like that, especially if I love them.
With the way I've been treated by women in the past, I'm never going to trust women again. It doesn't matter if some woman in the future (or in my present) loves me, because of the way I've been treated, I think that she's being nice to me to get something from me, or using me to get at something else.
I always heard the maxim that nice guys finish last, and I always thought of myself as a nice guy because of it. Now I think that I'm receiving what I deserve because I'm not really a nice guy at all. I'm alone, and worse, feel lonely, because I'm a callous heel who can't really love anyone.
Everyone gets what's coming to them. I just wish I could know what I did wrong that I have to live through this.
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