weBLOG for December 22nd, 2004

If you ever watch "The Lord of the Rings" Trilogy continously, movie after movie after movie, the emotion behind it all will just overwhelm you, especially if you're off your medication. And it always happens to me, towards the end of the third movie, when the Four Hobbits bow down before the newly crowned King Viggo Mortensen, and he says with abject humility and respect, "You bow to no one."

Here's a list of what I've queued up on my Media Player from my selection of illegaly garnered MP3's:

"Panis Angelicus" by Andrea Bocelli
"Sway" by Bic Runga
"At This Moment" by Billy Vera and the Beaters
"Round Here" by Counting Crows
"Time" by Culture Club
"New Kid in Town" by The Eagles
"I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John
"Tear in my Beer" by Hank Williams Jr.
"Sad Caper" by Hootie and the Blowfish
"Love Stinks" by the J. Geils Band
"Since I've Been Loving You" by Led Zeppelin
"What the Man Said" by Wings
"Against All Odds" by Phil Collins
"Some Guys Have All The Luck" by Rod Stewart
"Meant to Be" by Sammy Kershaw
"Sempre di Domenica" by Daniele Silvestri
"Sound of Violence[Original]" by Cassius
"Dove" by Moony
"Nel Blu dipinto di Blu[Volare]" by Domenico Modugno
"More Than This" by Roxy Music
"Eye in the Sky" by the Alan Parsons Project
"I Can't Go For That" by Darryl Hall & John Oates
"Lovefool" by the Cardigans
"Hard to Imagine" by Pearl Jam
"My Immortal" by Evanescence
"Like A California King" and "Bonus Track" by Everclear
"Never is a Promise" by Fiona Apple
"The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac
"Everlong" by the Foo Fighters
"A Dios Le Pido" by Juanes
"La Paga" by Juanes
"Everybody Knows" by Leonard Cohen
"What Might Have Been" by Little Texas
"Harvest Moon" by Neil Young
"Don't Go Away" by Oasis
"Such Great Heights" by the Postal Service
"Adia" by Sarah McLachlin
"The First Cut is the Deepest" by Sheryl Crow
"Misery" by Soul Asylum
"Caramel" by Suzanne Vega
"Side" by Travis
"How Soon is Now" by The Smiths
"La Barca" by Luis Miguel
"La Media Vuelta" by Luis Miguel

Just a clue as to the state of mind I'm in right about now. Give the songs a check-up, if you can.

I mean, I should feel better. On top of everything, a friend of mine from the past told me the other night that since I have this problem with liking myself, it doesn't matter how great of a mate I find, it will never work out because I'll never feel good no matter how the other person is treating me. But, with my warped mind that turns everything around, I now hate myself more because it's my fault that I'll never be able to be loved.

And it's easiest to do nothing. I'm not going to get into this as much for a specific reason unrelating to my life currently.

And yes, I was right, in my infinite wisdom.
[cue laughter]
I was vindicated, reassured, FORGIVEN; and yet I feel cut down at the same time.

GOD, what is WRONG with me!

And once again, I go back to hope. Alas, this time I know it will arrive.

For years, I hated the very thought of Valentine's Day. I thought it was a shallow excuse for shallow people to feign love and faithfulness. And yet, just ten months ago, detached, surrounded by couples, I had one of the happiest Valentine's, and most enjoyable days, I've ever had. So, if I had a happy Valentine's this year, I know one year I'll have a happy Christmas.
One year, I'll have a happy New Year's.
One year, I'll be happy.

Back to December Blogs
Weblog Archive Page