Back to August Blogs
You know, for the longest time, my female friends were an enigma to me. I would get to know them, offer them my friendship, and then my love, and take it in stride as they rejected my offers. And what always perplexed me was how they could come to me as a shoulder to cry on, after I had offered them much better than they were receiving.
In 7th grade, I knew this girl whose boyfriend would constantly screw around on her, and she stayed with him, despite knowing the truth. In 9th grade, I knew a girl who would get the shit beat out of her by her boyfriend, and she stayed with him, despite not deserving it. In 10th grade, I knew a girl who would get verbally abused by her boyfriend, and she stayed with him, despite not being close to the descriptions he would call her.
And I would be the shoulders for all of these girls. I used to call myself "Typical Best Friend" with shoulder-to-cry-on included. This all started 14 years ago, and to this day it still confused the shit out of me. And then, last night, tossing and turning in bed, with my mind running a mile a minute, it finally dawned on me.
I'm just another of their girlfriends.
The reason that I'm good enough to cry to about the shitty treatment they receive from boyfriends, but not good enough for anything else is because I'm just a girlfriend. That's why I'm not even an option. I'm not even the analogy that Chris Rock used. I'm just a girlfriend to go shopping with, and to bitch to, and to talk about their sex lives and their dating with. I'm just another woman. I'm worse than the gay friend from "Sex and the City."
And all these years, I thought it was some flaw that was visible to them all, but not clear to me. Wait, it is a flaw, and they all see it, and I didn't.
I think this hurts me more than if it had been a physical flaw.
© 2004 [email protected]