weBLOG September 13th, 2004

So few people appreciate the Sci-Fi-meets-philosophy mind-fuck that is "The Matrix." Teaching us that reality is only what we perceive is the line from the last blog.

Today was the third anniversary of the death of a woman I held very dearly. I'm sure that she loved me like a son, and I regarded her a very high esteem. I can honestly say the world is worse off without her.

Her daughter is a person I write about frequently on these blogs. When she was dating my friend; yes, a moral and ethical pickle if ever there was one, but one on which I'll touch upon at a later date; I used to go with him to her mom's house to pick her up. While her dislike of her daughter's boyfriend was not lost on anyone, she used to charge me every time with the safety of her daughter for a reason unrelated to that.

And here it is. Three years after she passed on, which I was not in the country to witness, nor to mourn. She's not here to charge me with the care of her now-divorced daughter when she needs it the most. Nor does she need to be.

I do feel that her daughter needs more care and love than anything else in the whole world. And I'm here to give her as much as she needs, no matter what else I feel for her. No matter how much she wants to push away the world, she needs love and caring now more than ever.

Am I the man for the job? Depends on who you ask. Someone close to me once tried to comfort me by saying that she needs the love of a family more than anything else. Whether or not that's true, I've reluctantly decided to move on.

But I'm still going to offer her my love and caring, and let her take what she wants from it. I know she'll think it's not fair for me, but I WANT to. There's nothing she can do to stop that. I don't think I would be respecting her mother's wishes if I didn't give of myself so freely. After all, two well-known idioms back me up on this. "You get what you give," and, "'Tis better to give than receive."

With luck, someone will come along shortly and offer her the unconditional love, respect, and understanding that she deserves, that's been offered to her, and she'll accept. Only then will I feel that I have done the service her mother wanted me to. While I'll feel that no one could do as well as I could, I'll pass on the torch to him, and hopefully he'll love her for as long as their lives last. She deserves to be happy.

And while mothers always know their children's hearts, there's no way mothers can change the decisions their children make.

Here's to you, Lourdes. We wish you were here.

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