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It's weird when you come to a realization in your life. It comes at a point where you aren't really expecting it, and it hits you almost like remembering an important errand you forgot to do before going on vacation(like remembering to turn off all the faucets, as if anyone ever leaves a faucet on unattended).
And I've just been privy to one of these realizations.
It is that the life I used to have is over.
That little phrase up there doesn't do it justice, but it does put too much melodrama on it. My life wasn't a great one to speak of. It's more like thinking that the friends I used to have, the friends that were used to me and that I was used to, are no more. They've changed, moved on, and are doing other things with their lives, as they should. One day, I hope to do the same. But the days of picking up the phone and talking with them every day, or even every other day; calling them when something vital or something important happened in my life, and receiving calls like that; all that's gone.
And I my friends are good people. They mean to keep in touch, but they just have other things going on in their lives. It doesn't help that I'm not the most reach-out-and-touch-someone person on the planet. I've been meaning to call my oldest best friend since Thanksgiving.
And I'd like to say that I've been making new friends and doing new things with my life also, but I really haven't. Yes, I've started going to church on a regular basis and receiving that God-spark again, and I've learned some pretty important life-lessons in the meantime, but California has been more like a rest stop. I've made a few friends here, and we'll probably catch up in e-mails once a month, but I haven't made any friendships like I had back home.
And that in itself is important also. I've noticed that I'm a different person than I was back home. Yes, I'm still loud and obnoxious, but I'm less likely to be crass, rude, sick and perverted now. And when these nuggets of the old me slip out, people are a bit taken aback(unless they themselves also are that way). It's weird because this is the person I've cultivated myself as, and people think that it doesn't fit with the rest of the outfit.
And while these new people might not know the real me, perhaps some of what I've cultivated wasn't me at all. Perhaps I've picked up a little of the bad of my friends as well as the good. About that, I'll never know until I meet someone who can be comfortable with me being myself.
And now, an update. For those of you who may not know, I begin a new chapter in my life in about one month's time. It's off to Phoenix, Arizona. A new beginning(ugh), a new job, new parents at Sarah's school, new friends and new adventures. I hope you faithful bloggers, all three of you, will join me and enjoy reading about my new experiences in this strange new place.
When Jon used to tell me about how he and his friends lived in Phoenix, I used to say that it was the new Sodom(L.A. being Gomorrah now and forever more). And the moniker fit when another friend of mine moved out there and started down the same road. Come to think of it, another sinful soul I knew back in El Paso also moved out to Phoenix. Now comes my turn.
"But the men of Sodom were wicked and sinners before the Lord exceedingly."
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