Weblog Main Page
But, let's get serious for a minute, folks. I never thought I'd be back here doing this. After I imploded the blog a year and a half ago, I never thought I'd have the balls to come back here and just open up again to the few of you who came back on a regular basis(Monica, Erika from time to time, I knew Reta came in here a time or two, etc.). But I missed my blog. I missed the catharsis that came from vomiting out my feelings here on an almost constant basis. While I mostly went to bed feeling the same way I did when I sat down to write the blog, there were times when I actually felt better after having done so. Plus, since I'm getting back into writing regularly, I thought it would be good to resurrect the blog, just to write something every day. So now, without further ado, I present to you:
Since it's been a while since we last sat down and chewed the fat, let me give you a few details about my life as it is currently. I've been working for nearly a year at Las Posas Emporium in Camarillo, CA. The greatest thing about this job is that it is unlike any job I've ever had. The bosses actually care about the employees, and I am constantly surrounded by my female co-workers. I still have no life, but I've begun to dabble in my Magic hobby again, and am seeing lots of movies. I did start a long-distance relationship with a girl I met last time I was back home, but that faded and I don't even know why.
So, what is it I'm writing about today? Yes, you guessed it; women! And some of my good friends even realize that women are my Achilles' Heel. But, just to show you that I have grown in the time since we last chatted, one of my young, attractive, female co-workers happens to be becoming a good friend of mine, and I don't mind a bit. I have not felt the need to complicate the situation with feelings, and I'm pleased to have her as a friend.
Once again, what troubles me is a girl from my past. And before you click out of here, it's not THAT one. Her, I'll cover in a different blog on a different day.
Just to sum up my situation; why can't I just be happy with the way things are?!?!? Why can't I treat this old friend the way I treat the new friend? Why do I have to view the next time I'll see her as the start of something new in my life, when it could just be having an agreeable time with my friend?
Because she's vulnerable right now. Her life's in a bit of disarray, and my mind is hatching up plans and schemes. I probably won't have the balls to follow through on any of them, but I can't quiet the feeling that even if I did, things wouldn't hatch out the way I planned. I'm not getting down on myself, it's just that when you plan something, often times something happens that you didn't plan for.
And I know what you all are telling yourselves; "What if she's reading this, asshole! You'll let her know that you plan on taking advantage of her vulnerability, and she's going to tell you to go fuck yourself before you even see her!" And to that, I say, so what?!?!? Most of my friends can see right through me, so that I'm thinking this will be no surprise to her. And, if she is reading this, a little piece of her brain is thinking "Go fuck yourself," but her mind also plans and schemes, so she'll just devise clever ways of fucking with me...like she's done in the past(Wink, Wink; Love you, Sweetheart).
But, whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to see her and analyze gestures and actions and tones of voice; I will base my judgements on the words spoken to me, and nothing else.
God, it's great to be back!
© 2006 [email protected]