Weblog Archive Page
This one has been rolling in my brain for about two weeks, and the only reason I didn't put it down was because I was trying to fulfill the promise I had made in the last blog about not mentioning a certain someone who I have mentioned a lot of in the past year.
Well, here she is again.
And it's not that I'm trying to annoy you with the trivial shit in my head, but this has been gnawing at me lately, especially with my recent reading material.
One friend informed me of Monica's boyfriend. Fine, she got the jump on Moni, and Moni was probably trying to build it up, or maybe wait until a certain occasion to tell me about him. Then, when I talk to Moni a few days later, I ask her if anything's new, anything at all; purposely prompting her to tell me about him, and nothing: although I do recall her telling me they met again and hung out in a club the day after she got back from California. One week later, I ask yet another friend about Moni and the new beau; who I'll purposely fail to mention here because Moni still hasn't told me anything about him; and she tells me that she's never seen Moni so happy, and that this guy is treating her like a goddess.
Well, if Moni's so happy, why hasn't she told me?
This past year, I've seen Monica cry, not once, but twice: about the pain she felt from her mother passing on and feeling alone in her grief; and her failure as a woman from not being able to have children, and not being able to keep her marriage together after she fought so hard to be with that man. And with how I felt(feel?) about her, it hurt me to see her like that. For a majority of the time I knew her, she was one of the strongest women I have known, and I was there when things hit her so hard that it overwhelmed her. And if she's shared that much with me, why on earth would she not share her happiness with me?
I know that her life since I left has been pretty hectic, juggling her family, work and the social life she wants to have. I'm not asking for what I was getting before she found new friends and a new life back home; being on the internet most nights, sharing everything on our minds, and staying up until unGodly hours of the morning; but for someone who you considered your friend, and who was pretty much inseperable from you for a majority of the past year, I think taking five minutes out from work once a week to write him a quick e-mail letting you know what's up is reasonable.
Especially after she harped on so badly about how my other friends were treating me; forgetting about me at the drop of a hat just because of a new love, and then running back to me when things turned sour. I'm not saying I haven't committed my own sins, especially when I accept my prodigals back with open arms; but I thought she was better than that. After all, this is the person who taught me the phrase, "A phone works at each end."
After I had gone through one of my little tirades with her, I said that she was probably going to start walking on eggshells around me to spare my feelings. That's when she told me that she had never spared my feelings before, and she wasn't about to start now. Well, if that's the case, why the secrecy with her hunt for a guy? Why keep from me the fact that she was considering going back with her first? Why only tell me about when she was looking into bumping uglies with someone she met at work until it fell through? Why keep your boyfriend a secret especially since you got with him right after you left L.A., which was six weeks ago?
Maybe it's what I mentioned in the last blog. Maybe I fulfilled a need in her life, and she's moved on. Maybe I taught her something she hadn't grasped yet, and now that she's learned it, I won't hold the same signifigance in her life. Maybe she's been doing what I have these past few months, and come to realize something about me she never liked, and wants hardly anything to do with me. Maybe she's outgrown this teddy bear, I don't know.
Maybe it's like police say; the simplest explanation is usually the right one.
God, this was the wrong time to read "Chobits." I feel so Motosuwa right now. I feel so Chi right now. It doesn't help when the friends you have right now don't know you, and the friends that do know you forget your e-mail address.
Who will lie to me next?
© 2004 [email protected]