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I don't give myself enough credit. I usually say that others give me too much credit, but now I realize it's because I don't give myself enough of it. I have alot of flaws, but I also have alot going for me. And I hardly realize it.
If I have someone who could be my twin, it would be my friend Jon. Actually, not so much a twin, but the other half of the same egg. We've always seemed the opposite of each other. While he would be cool and calm, I'd be nervous and fidgety. When it came to girls, they would stare at him and be almost awe-struck. They looked at him like I wanted them to look at me (it happened once, but I'm not talking about it here). When they gave themselves to him, it's the way I wanted girls to give themselves to me.
I was always envious of Jon, but I noticed that the same girls that gave their bodies to Jon, also gave me something. Despite my lack of confidence, it never stopped me from speaking. I could carry on a conversation with a wall if it talked to me first. And those same girls would share their ideas, and their thoughts, and their fears and their dreams; with me.
A girlfriend of Jon's, and a friend of mine, put it eloquently once. Jon and I were the perfect guy. And it makes sense to me even now, eight years after the fact. While Jon was sweet, good looking, strong and one hell of a lover - or so I've heard - I was sweet, smart and sensitive.
I don't know if Jon ever felt envious of me, but if you asked him today, he'd probably say he did, even if it was just to make me feel better. And a rare thought occured to me a couple of years ago. I was always uneasy about introducing one of my girlfriends to Jon, and I only had the privilege to do it once; it never occured to me that Jon might be uneasy about introducing one of his girlfriends to me.
In short: I would have never thought that I had something that others would want.
Surprises come at all stages of life.
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