weBLOG for December 1st, 2006

I've stalked and been stalked. And since I had just seen "Van Wilder", I wanted to use that line. Besides, Tara Reid can stalk me whenever she wants.

A very good friend of mine gave me a very good book as a present just the other day. The book is called "PostSecret". The author of the book used to pass out postcards and ask people to anonymously write a secret on the postcard and mail it back to him. Even after he stopped passing out the cards, he would still get postcards in the mail with someone's deepest secret on it. Some of you may recognize the idea from the video "Dirty Little Secret" by the All-American Rejects, which used actual postcards from this project.

This guy still gets and collects these cards with secrets on them. You can check them out at www.postsecret.blogspot.com. It's eerie to read some of these, to read the darkest thought of someone's mind, and realize that they hide this from people. But, it did get me thinking.

I'm hiding my own secrets. Things that no one else knows about me rattle around my head. So, I thought that I'd share some with you.

I'm going to put down a secret that no one knows about me for every year I've been alive(28). And while the deepest and darkest will stay in my head for a while longer, I hope no one is that surprised by these about to be put forth.

WARNING:

What follows are things that you may never wanted to know, or could even believe, about me. Some of these are rather personal, more personal than most blogs. You've been warned.

1. I've been terribly unfaithful to each of my friends.

2. I've revealed terrible truths about my two best friends in order to win away their girlfriends.

3. I was so self-destructive, every time I had unprotected sex with my first girlfriend, I hoped that I would get her pregnant, which I imagined was the ultimate way to ruin my life.

4. I was needier than my second girlfriend, who was recently divorced at the time.

5. I've secretly wished the worst for girls that turned me down in high school.

6. When I started looking at colleges in high school, I would research seminaries because I wanted to be a priest.

7. It used to seriously bother me that I cared whether or not people liked me.

8. I try too hard with women.(Not surprised?)

9. I hate my father, not because of the shitty things he did when he was around, but because he doesn't remember them and can't fathom that he would have been capable of doing what he did.

10. I used to think sex was the ultimate way of showing affection.

11. I've had VERY impure thoughts in a church before.

12. I think my older brother is a terrible human being.

13. When I was in Italy, I turned down a cute Sinead O'Connor wannabe who was flirting with me, and it comes close to being my only regret.

14. I've thought of seriously propositioning a prostitute before.

15. I think my sister is a terrible human being.

16. I think I was molested when I was young.

17. I think that no matter how good I am, or how true I am to my religion, I'm going to Hell anyway.

18. I used to drink heavily and do drugs to destroy myself.

19. I was homeless in Italy for a 24-hour period.

20. I've panhandled in a foreign country.

21. Growing up, I was never accepted by the Mexican kids, even though I've always felt more Mexican than white.

22. I've dreamed of Hell and Satan before.

23. I have a fear that I will make nothing out of my God-given talents.

24. Every time I've gotten a new cell phone, my friends lose touch with me, and my main reason for owning a cell phone goes out the window.

25. At times, I'm ashamed of being American.

26. I felt more at home in Sicily than I have most times here in the U.S.

27. I wish I had more friends.

28. Sometimes, I wish I could lie to women so I could get more play.

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