weBLOG for August 1st, 2004

M. Night Shyamalan is the man. If seeing "The Sixth Sense," and "Unbreakable" haven't convinved you, go and see his latest, from which I've included a line from last time, "The Village."

So, yours truly has to apologize for his drunken rant yesterday. I go off the deep end sometimes, if you couldn't tell from past rants, and I blow shit out of proportion. God, it's so hard being a drama queen sometimes.

I have several unresolved issues, and yesterday I was so worked up that I made her the cause of all of my problems. It's unfair to her, and it's unfair of me to do so. Just cause I'm fucked up doesn't mean that she's the reason, or that she exacerbates the problem.

If anything, she's my antidote. Her mere presence calms me, makes me happy. And it shouldn't be that way. I should make myself calm and happy. I should be the reason I look forward to every day. My hope shouldn't spring from another person, especially one that just wants to remain friends.

It's gonna kill me to leave her. That pain I feel that resembles my heart dropping out of my chest; that's gonna be there the day I leave. If now I think about her morning, noon and night; when I leave, she's gonna be in my thoughts all the time.

And when I do leave, it's just going to be you and me again, dear blog. Of course, that's the way it's been since that first week in January when I created you. Along the way, I've had my illusions and delusions, and thought that my salvation, which I've been searching for some time, was just around the corner. And still, I'm left with my loneliness.

I was watching a cartoon one time, when one of the characters said that loneliness was just man's fear of life, or something like that. And I'm here to say that I'm very afraid.

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