THE BIBLE OF RA FIRST EDITION
IN THE BEGINNING,there was Ra and life was good. Twas
before the time of the new god(We will call him Frank) and Frank
said unto the World........"HARK! FRANK IS IN THE HOUSE!"And
Ra saideth(along with the other Gods amassed in the heavenly
Paradise)......."SHUT YOUR UGLY MOUTH HO! WE'S WATCHING
CO-ED NUDE CHESS!"And the rest of the gods cheered with
such gusto that Frank left and went out into the world(he moved
to Fargo,North Dakota to sell life insurance to the penguins).
Ra also went out into the world to spread his wisdom(he
became a used car salesman) throughout the land(mostly he ended
up in strip joints and honky-tonks but he was happy and he sold a
few junkers that he bought off an old lady from Pasadena.
Henceforth, The III Book of Ra was created, soon to be a major
motion picture!)
And Ra went to Mount Olivia(and Olivia smacked Ra and said unto
him......"$15.00 FOR ONE HOUR!" and Ra raised
his hands and said unto the Mount......"WHAT?? $15.00?
HELL, I'LL GO AND GET ME A CHEAPIE OVER YONDER AND STILL HAVE
ENOUGH CHANGE FOR A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY!" and Ra continued
on his way.
Ra, hungered and thristed,danced and twittered with
himself(he never did find that cheapie down yonder.....see BOOK X:RA
GETS JOCK ITCH ON HIS HANDS). He wandered for many days.....more
days.......weeks passed by......until one fine morning he came
upon......he came upon......OH YES!.....he
came upon two fine golden haired beauties(hooties down to the
ground) who were tending their father's bull(YEAH! That's
what they were doing! Since this is a religious work......I can't
come out and say they were the bull's
brains out!!! So, we say tending....which loosely translates as
such and makes for better context!!!!!)
And Ra said unto them......."HOLY SH*T!!! How do you do
that with your fist?!" and the daughters said upon Ra,
who by now was looking upon them with awe,"It's easy-"
and upon Ra they demonstrated with such skills that Ra forgot
about Oliva and he moved upon to...........