I have thought so deeply about what I should say to you -My Rose. I have thought of eloquent poems, toughtful phrases but I am afraid none would ever express the anguish and the pain I feel so deep within in soul.
I can not forget the painful day when I was but a young woman. On that day I was so sure that the only "Choice" was to terminate my pregnacy. Terminate my pregnancy, what a use of the English language. It de-humanized you, allowed me to seperate myself from the dreadful truth. The pregnancy that I was to terminate was You my innocent Rose.
I wished I had had more courage and strength. I did not. I allowed a man, who is supposed to heal, to not heal but wound. Wound you mortaly and wound me spiritualy.
I allowed the Butcher to tear your limbs and arms apart. I allowed him to crush you sweet little skull. I was supposed to protect you. My womb was supposed to be your home, . But , I allowed robbers who steal the lives of the innocent, to come into your home and tear you apart without any Mercy.
I killed you.. I must say it if I am to let go of this pain. I killed you! I did it willingly! But I knew it immedietly. My heart and soul and mind quickly spiraled into an abyss that has taken me decades to unravel. I gave you life in my womb and like wise, I gave you death.
Please forgive me little Rose, Oh, please forgive me. Help me to overcome this terrible pain so deep within my wounded heart. How can I ever get over the pain of Murdering You?
I want to love but how can I ? There is always the pain and stain of blood on my soul. How can I love when I could not love you. Is is fair? I am trying, I am trying.
My Rose---- You were a child with a soul, you were not a choice. You were my first child , not a product of conception. I always wonder what you would have looked like. What color were your eyes ? Your hair-- was it soft? What would you have sounded like. I long for your embrace my child. I long for your touch. I weep, and weep. Time does not and will not heal this broken heart.
I know that you are in heaven. I ask God to keep you for me. I do not fear death for I know that you will be there. I beg you to pray for your Mom. Ask Jesus to heal my broken heart. Ask Him to help me see you as you are now. Ask Him to help my heart to love.
I failed to give you life, I could not give you a burial, I don't even know where your little body was taken. All I give you My little Rose is this Memmorial plaque . This is the only burial that I can give you. Here you will remain with me forever. Here, I will always find you. Here, you and I will remain intricately united for all time and space My Rose. United-until the day that God calls me Home.
For now My Rose, tread where the Angels Fly, Where the Love of God can fill all of your soul, Tread with all those in Heaven who Praise God for all Eternity.
I love you now and I will love you forever,
MOMMY
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