These are from actual
resumes:
"I am extremely loyal to my present
firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
"Qualifications: I am a man filled with
passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class
act and do not come cheap."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history.
I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor.
I prefer being rich."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14
jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Personal: I'm married with 9 children.
I don't require prescription drugs."
"Number of dependents: 40."
"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."
RESUME BLOOPERS
"Here are my qualifications for you
to overlook."
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning.
Couldn't work under those conditions."
REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
"Was met with a string of broken promises
and lies, as well as cockroaches."
"I was working for my mom until she
decided to move."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just
like my three previous employers."
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
"While I am open to the initial nature
of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented
as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore
and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application
of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere
of responsibility."
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting
Award."
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not
know I am looking for another job."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But
since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try
stock brokerage."
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
PERSONAL INTERESTS:
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."
(These are also from my mom)
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