Who is Jack Schitt? The Lineage Revealed. Who is Jack Schitt? The Lineage Revealed.
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Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation:
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.
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SUBMITTED BY: A man who knows about the Schitts, Brian F. Koskelwoski
(this one I got from my friend Hagai)
Actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95
#1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
#2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
#1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
#2: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
#1: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
#2: This is a lighthouse. Your call…
(This one I got from my friend Michael)
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible.
In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
Q:
What's a Japanese girl's favorite holiday?A:
Erection day.Q:
How do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick?A:
Fucks FunnyQ:
How does every ethnic joke start?A:
By looking over your shoulder.Q:
What's the difference between erotic and kinky?A:
Erotic, is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole chicken.Q:
How many Microserfs does it take to change a light-bulb?A:
None! They just change the standard to darkness.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all of our problems?
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
A man walked into a bar and sits down. A couple of minutes later a guy a pirate came in and sat next to him. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch.
The guy says "Hey. What's with the pirate suit?".
The pirate replies "Arrrrh! I'm a pirate, I've been out to sea for six months and I've here to do some heavy drinking!"
First Guy: "OK, ... hey, what happened to your leg?"
"Three years ago we were in a terrible storm - the wind snapped the mast like a match stick! Then a huge wave washed over the deck and carried me overboard! As I was trying to stay afloat a shark bit me leg clean off! Me shipmates threw me a line and hauled me back, took me to the doc, he stuck this peg leg on me and I'm as good as new." the Pirate replied, thumping his wooden stump.
"Wow! How about the arm? What happened?"
"I was working the rigging and a line wrapped around me hand just as the wind changed and a sail pulled the line tight. It just popped my hand clean off! But me mates took me to the Doc, and he gave me this" said the Pirate waving his hook proudly.
"What about your eye?"
"I was in the crow's nest looking for merchants when I heard a noise, I looked up and a gull shit right in my eye."
"That wouldn't make you lose your eye, would it?"
"Arrh! It would the first day you had your new hook on."
(This one I got from my sister Ilana)
8 Tips for Managers from employees.
(This one is from Kelly Jones)
After his death, Albert Einstein found himself working as the doorkeeper at the Pearly Gates. One slow day, he found that he had time to chat with the new entrants.
To the first one he asked, "What's your IQ?" The new arrival replied, "190." They discussed Einstein's theory of relativity for hours.
When the second new arrival came, Einstein once again inquired as to the newcomer's IQ. The answer this time came "120." To which Einstein replied, "Tell me, how did the Cubs do this year?" and they proceeded to talk for half an hour or so.
To the final arrival, Einstein once again posed the question, "What's your IQ?" Upon receiving the answer "70," Einstein smiled and asked "Got a minute to tell me about Windows 95?"
(This one is from my mom)
"Our family has a Royal blood." said the first proud woman.
"When my husband enters a room, people look at him and say, 'Oh, Your Highness'"
The second woman went on, "My husband is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, Your Excellency'"
"My husband is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, Your Eminence'"
The fourth woman thought for a moment. "My husband is short, weighs 185 kilos, and bald," she said, "When he enters a room, people look at him and say, 'Oh My God!'"
(This one I got from my friend Yakov)
Three women were dressing after an aerobics workout and talking about their spouses. "My husband," said the first, "is a marriage counselor. He always buys me candy or flowers before we make love."
"Mine is a jeweler," the second said. "He always brings me a pearl or two before we make love."
The third woman paused. "Well," she finally said, "my husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
(This one I got from my friend Yakov)
