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"All generalizations are false."
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"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
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"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
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"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
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"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
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"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
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"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
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"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
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"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
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"REHAB is for quitters"
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"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I just let her sleep."
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"All men are Idiots, and I married their King!"
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"Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician"
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"SAVE A TREE: Eat a beaver"
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"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
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"Tow-ers will be violated"
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"Work is for people who don't know how to fish"
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"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
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"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
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"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
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"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
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"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
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"Friends don't let Friends drive naked."
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"Wink, I'll do the rest!"
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"No Radio - Already Stolen"
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"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."
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"Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges."
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"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
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"Where there's a will, I want to be in it!"
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"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
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"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
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"Few women admit their age, few men act their age!"
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"Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!"
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"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!"
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"IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got."
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"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
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"Which came first? The woman or the department store?"
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"LAWYER: A cat settles a dispute between 2 mice."
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"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
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"LOVE: two vowels, two consonants, two fools."
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"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."
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"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."
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"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
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"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"
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"How can I miss you if you won't go away?"
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"I'm not as think as you drunk I am"
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"First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.."
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"Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
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"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
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"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?"
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"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
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"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
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"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
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"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
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"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
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"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
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"Consciousness: That annoying time between naps."
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"i souport publik edekasion"
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"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
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"3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't."
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"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
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"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."
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"2 + 2 =3D3D 5 for extremely large values of 2."
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"Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy."
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"I is a college student."
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"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
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"I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?"
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"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
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