The Rules of Bedroom Golf:

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.

12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.

14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

Come on, you almost make it

A blonde women and her boyfriend were having a dinner party

for some important guests. The blonde was very excited about

this and wanted everything to be perfect.

At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have

any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her boyfriend

to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some

snails. Very grudgingly he agreed.

He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps,

and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he

noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water

just a little further down the beach.

He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she

would even just come down and talk to me?"

He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he

looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over

him. They started talking and she invited him back to her

place. They ended up spending the night together.

At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed,

"Oh no! My girlfriends dinner party!" He gathered all his

clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and

ran out of the door.

He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran

up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that

when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket

of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door

opened just then, with his very angry girlfriend standing in

the doorway, wondering where he's been all this time. He

looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at

her, then back at the snails, and said,

"Come on guys, we're almost there!"

Hay! Are you a club member?

A man was invited to play at his friend’s course and during the round he felt the call of nature, was far away from the toilets and so he went behind a tree believing that he was unobserved. However, on a parallel fairway, three lady members were playing. As they passed they were surprised to observe just a very private part of a man’s anatomy protruding from around the tree. He’s certainly not my husband, I can tell, said the first lady, Disgusting - I’m glad he’s not mine either, said the second lady. It really is a damned cheek, said the third. That’s not even a club member!

POSTED AT LOCAL GOLF CLUB

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANY ONE
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, PLEASE LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS
9. QUIET PLEASE ...... WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES
11. VERY GOOD. NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF

Golf- an unique game

- Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
- There's no game like golf: you go ouuut with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
- Golf was once a rich man's sport, buuut now it has millions of poor players.
- An amateur golfer is one who addresssses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.

Only individual

I am only an individual

I can do some things,

...not everything.

The things I don't know,

I am willing to learn.

The things I do know,

I am willing to teach.

Please help me to be this way always,

and help me to overcome my fears,

and please keep everyone that I love safe.

Thank You

Laura

Northern Ireland

"Small world".

There are two guys out on the course that come up on a couple of ladies playing slow. One of the guys walks up towards the ladies to ask if they can play through.

About halfway there he turns around and comes back and says to his friend, "I can't go up there and talk to them, that is my wife and my mistress."

So his friend replies, "I'll go up and ask them." When he is halfway there he turns around and comes back and states to his friend.

"Small world".

Golf first folks

A couple whose passion had waned saw a marriage counsellor and went through appointments that bought little success. Suddenly at one session the counsellor grabbed the wife and kissed her passionately.

"There" he said to the husband, "That's what she needs every Monday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday".

"Well," replied the husband, "I can bring her in on Mondays and Wednesdays but Saturdays and Sundays are my golf days."