Teacher
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He
replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The
teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the
cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is
married?"The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose
the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which
LittleJohnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring
on, but I like your thinking."
Great Uncle George
A little boy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the
front yard. Rigormortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in
the air. When his Dad came home the little boy said, "Dad our roosters
dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why is his legs sticking in the
air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from
the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad
that's great," said the little Boy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, the boy rushed out to meet him
yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom
and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,
"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming"
"If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her
for sure!"
School Question
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"
Late For Class
One day, three boys were late for class. The first boy came in, and the
substitute teacher asked him where he'd been. He said, "I was on top of Beverly
Hills." Then the second boy came in, and the teacher asked him where he'd
been, and he too said, "I was on top of Beverly Hills."
Then the third boy came in, and the teacher asked him where he'd been, and he
said, "On top of Beverly Hills."
Then a girl came in, and the substitute said, "I guess you were on top of
Beverly Hills as well?"
"No," she said, "I AM Beverly Hills."
Nothing
Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned
to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back
seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does FGRPL spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn said.
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does DOEB spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn answered.
This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her
room she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"
Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there
sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"