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Dear
Ah Beng,
I am a recent graduate in architecture and because of the recession, am
finding it hard to find a job, especially with the downturn in construction.
However, the Prime Minister told us to take any job that comes our way for
the time being, and to “hold on to our dreams”.
The only job I can find now is cleaning the pig intestines for a kway chap
hawker.
Who knows when the recession will end? I am afraid that by the time the
recession is over, I will become so out of touch with architecture, and also
by that time, there might be so many new graduates, that I just can’t
compete. How? How can I hold onto my dreams in the face of such gloom? Some
more the pig intestines are si beh smelly.
Suay Tua Tng
Dear Tua Tng,
Acherly, hor, I think so you misinterpreted the PM’s words.
I don’ch think he meant ‘hold on’ as in to ‘keep them alive’.
I think he meant ‘hold on’ as in ‘hold on, ah, got someone calling me on the
other line, so I better put you on call waiting.’ In udder words, he acherly
wants you to ‘hold OFF’ on your dreams.
Not say I say what, but you so surprised, meh? This sort of advice is not
just during recession one, what. Every Singaporean whole life long also kena
this advice!
Parents always tell their chewren, “Ah boy, I know you want to be a painter,
but better study medicine first, because can earn a lot of money, then when
you retire, you can paint all you want. Assuming you by then haven’t kena
stroke or on dialysis or you kena langgar by lorry or something, lah.”
To hold off on what we actually want because other people tell us is classic
Singaporean teaching, one. We’re always told, hold on, hold on, you norchat
ready, but when we ask when is that, they say, donno, but we’ll tell you. And
then they hope you forget and guai-guai follow.
And you better not continue to hold on, hor! Remember, the same person who’s
advising you to hold on is the same one who used the famous Hokkien phrase
“boh tua boh suay” to scold people.
But if you die-die want to become architect, then you must ngeh-ngeh become
more creative, lah. Like set up your kway chap stall near places like Duxton
or Chinatown where there are a lot of architects. And then put up your
designs around the stall and hope the big boss see oreddy, damn impressed and
hire you. (But careful he don’tch steal your idea, hor. Remember, this is
Singapore.) Or maybe you can construct a miniature model out of pig
intestines or something. You can say it’s ‘bio-architecture’. Maybe can even
get scholarship like that. Or bring the health inspector down on you damn
fast.
Anyway, why you want to become architect? Must study so long, then end up
building HDB flats or some argly house for a tycoon with no taste. Why not
stick with kway chap? There are more argly buildings than good kway chap
stalls in Singapore. Listen to the market forces, leh!
But if you still want to design and build things, maybe you can come by Geylang
Lorong 69 and help me come up with some better fish tanks…
Ah Beng
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A
highly publicised feud has flared up on Johor Straits Road. The Mat and Lee
families, who live opposite each other on Johor Straits Road, have taken
their grievances public. It all started when Mr Mat stopped selling his nasi
lemak to his neighbours, the Lee family.
Said Mr Lee Bee Jee, “For 30 years, my father bought nasi lemak from Mr Mat.
Just after my father retired, Mr Mat suddenly refused to sell nasi lemak to
us. Now we are forced to eat cold food, recycled from leftovers – yucks.”
Mr Mat replied,”It is not that I refuse to sell nasi lemak to Lee, Jr. – it’s
just that the price is not right, lah. You know, he buys nasi lemak from me
at 50 cents a packet, and then resells it for $5 at his gourmet kopitiam,
NasiTalk! Eh, just because I wear sarong doesn’t mean I still have a kampung
mentality, okay? I also know about market economics and Porter’s Five Forces,
you know… I want to raise price!”
In response, Mr Lee said that it is not an issue of price. “Of course I can
afford to pay. I eat overpriced angmor food at $50 per plate – I eat in the
big league, you know. It is an issue of principle. He agreed to sell nasi
lemak to the Lee family at a certain price. If I allow him to renege on this,
it brings into question the fundamental issue of my existence.”
Both families recently took their dispute public, by publishing letters they
had written to each other, as well as voyeuristic videos that they had taken.
One video clip shows Mr. Lee, Jr. pointing his finger at Mr Mat: ”I am coming
to get you – make no mistake about it!” Another shows Mr. Mat shaking his
behind and singing: ”Papa don’t preach, I’m in trouble deep!”
There is also a lawsuit pending over a white Pomeranian that both families
are claiming as their pet. “Nao hiah,” growled Mr. Lee, Jr. “My poor dog,
Whitey, is damn confused because that bleddy Mat next door calls him ‘Putih’.
I should give him a black eye!”
The feud has attracted a significant number of bystanders, some of whom come
all the way from other constituencies in the hope of seeing some action. Said
one bystander, Mr. Chin Kay Poh, “Aiyah, this is like the war on Iraq – Lee
Jr has to finish the quarrel which his father started. I think Lee, Jr. is
too ‘cowboy’ in his approach, that’s why Mr Mat is angry.”
Another person, Ms Chin Wu Eng, said: “I think Mr Mat is just jealous that
the Lee family is staying in a big house and he still lives in a hut, so he
is trying to squeeze some money from them.”
Meanwhile, neighbour Mrs Marie Ang Tua Net doesn’t understand why they are
fighting.
“Aiyah,” she sighed. “What’s the problem? Let them eat cake, lor.”
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