Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a
conference. At the station, the three
accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy
one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.
They all board the train. The
accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a
rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has
departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Tickets,
please!" The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The
conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the
conference, the accountants decide to copy
the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to
the station, they buy one ticket for the
return trip. To their
astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed
accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.
When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and
the three engineers cram into another one
nearby. The train departs. Shortly
afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom
and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
"Tickets, please!"
A door-to-door
vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a lady opens the door, and
before she has a
chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps horse dung all over the
carpet.
He says,
"Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that horse
dung, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She says, "You
want tomato sauce on that? We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity
turned on yet."
A customer was
continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant - first, he'd asked that the
air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be
turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the
waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So
finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't
care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air
conditioner."
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health
and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How
would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of
his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball
coach?"
A blonde and a
redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock
news. A man was shown
threatening to
jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't
jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure
enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead
said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said,
"No. A bet's a bet. You won the money."
So the redhead
said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I
can't take your money."
The blonde
replied,... "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
Early one morning,
a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to
school!"
"But why,
Mom? I don't want to go." "Give
me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the
kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no
reason not to go to school. Come on now
and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I *should* go to
school."
"Well, for
one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
After applying
some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can
be reached of the secret to wealth and success. Here it goes.
Knowledge is Power
Time is Money,... and, as every
engineer knows:
Power is Work over Time.
So, substituting
algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:
K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)
Now, do a few
simple substitutions:
Put W/T in for P in equation (1),
which yields:
K = W/T (4)
Put M in for T
into equation (4), which yields:
K = W/M (5).
Now we've got
something. Expanding back into English,
we get:
Knowledge equals Work over Money.
What this MEANS is
that:
1. The More You Know, the More Work
You Do, and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money
You Make.
Solving for Money,
we get:
M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.
From equation (6)
we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of
the Work done.
What THIS MEANS
is:
The More you Make, the Less you
Know.
Solving for Work,
we get
W = M K (7)
Work equals Money times Knowledge
From equation (7)
we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.
What THIS MEANS
is:
The stupid rich do little or no
work.
Working out the
socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the
reader.