Yamaha, Socolo, SodaChan and TeleFong went golfing regularly.
One day, one of the regular foursome was
sick, so a new member named Kong Biet filled in. He was very good and
pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the following Sunday.
"9.30 okay?"
Kong Biet said, "Fine, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me."
The following Sunday Kong Biet showed up right on time. Not only that
he played left-handed and beat them.
They agreed to meet the following Sunday at 9.30. Kong Biet again said,
"Okay, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me."
The next Sunday there was Kong Biet, punctual to the dot. This time he
played right-handed and beat them again. "Okay, for 9.30 next Sunday?"
one of the foursome asked.
Kong Biet, "Sure if I’m ten minutes late…"
Another golfer jumped in. "Wait a minute… You always say you may be ten
minutes late. But you’re always right on time and you beat us whether
you play right or left handed."
Kong Biet said, "Well, that’s true – I’m superstitious. If I wake up and
my wife is sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed. If she’s sleeping
on her left side, I play left-handed."
"What if she’s lying on her back?"
Kong Biet said, "That’s when I’m ten minutes late!"
During a wedding function, everyone gets extremely drunk
and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking
the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The
police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The
fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with
the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'
The courtroom goes silent and Hung, the best man, stands up and says,
'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain
what happened.'
The judge agrees and asks Hung to take the stand. Hung begins his explanation
by telling the court that it is traditional in a Vietnami wedding that
the best man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, 'OK.'
'Well,' said Hung, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept
going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music
kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the
groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful
kick right between her legs.'
Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'Troi oi, that must have hurt!'
'Hurt?' Hung replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!'
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being
on their honeymoon.
"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to
do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each
other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing
machine door open' instead?"
So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the
washing machine door open, did you?"
"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell
asleep.
When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and
she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine
door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"
"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it
by hand."
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old
gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for
50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we
were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting
here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say........ Should we get naked?"
And they stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago!"
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!"
A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No."
The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Words hurt
It is important that we speak clearly, don't pray pray
eh! Don't simply beat someone without knowing true story................
Terok Singh was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying
the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).? Accidently,
the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it
frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree.
He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take photograph".
The rest is history.
He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.He was surprised
to see Butol Singh on the bed next to him, in a worse condition. Butol
explained what happened to him.He had gone to a remote village to work.
He finished late and missed the last bus.He couldn't find any hotel. So
he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there
for the night. The Owner replied "I have 2 grownup daughters.? Sorry,
I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the
night. The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.? Sorry, I can't
allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" daughters?".?
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"
Butol replied, " I wanted to stay here for a
night....." The rest is history..
.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS "WORDS GET
YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE IF YOU DON"T USE IT CORRECTLY."
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help. I understand that you are a sales lady .... well, I am in sales also. What do you sell?"
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No I wouldn't," he said and persisted that she tell him what she sold.
"Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell Tampax."
With that, he fell on the floor and laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear
of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to
approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police
car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is
going on here?"
"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.
"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop.
And she said, "Those are my emergency flashers!"
3 POWs were caught by the Germans in a war. They were told that they will be shot at while they ran 100 meters. If they survived after that they would then be set free. So, the 3, a British, a Japanese & a Singaporean, lined up at the start. Bang!
They started to ran like they never did before. At the 80 meter mark, the British was shot down. Before he went down, he patriotically shouted, 'Long live the Queen' and died.
At 90 meters, the Japanese was shot. Before he went down, he shouted, 'Banzai' and died.
Now the Singaporean was at 93m, 95m, 98m, 99m... ... Bang! He, too, was shot down.
Before he died, he shouted, 'KAYU LAH!!' One meter also no discount!'
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally
goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted
with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with
you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the
guy is hopelessly and
completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles
at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate
student in
psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
Disabled Veteran sitting on two Duffel Bags
Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young,
sweet and very polite. One day, while taking dictation,
she noticed his fly was open.
When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open."
He did not understand her remark but later on, he happened to look down
and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his
secretary.
Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks
door open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"
The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was
a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"
One day, three boys were late for class. The first boy
came in, and the substitute teacher asked him where he'd been. He said,
"I was on top of Beverly Hills." Then the second boy came in, and the
teacher asked him where he'd been, and he too said, "I was on top of Beverly
Hills."
Then the third boy came in, and the teacher asked him where he'd been,
and he said, "On top of Beverly Hills."
Then a girl came in, and the substitute said, "I guess you were on top
of Beverly Hills as well?"
"No," she said, "I AM Beverly Hills."
Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling
once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her
own words. From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does FGRPL
spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn said.
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does DOEB spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn answered.
This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring
in her room she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"
Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there
sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,
"Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his Mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his
friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
A father came home from a long business trip to find
his young son riding a brand new bike.
"Where did you get the money for that?" he asked.
"It must have cost over 300 dollars!"
"I earned it hiking," replied the boy.
"Hiking??? Come on son; tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that
sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?"
"It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr. Goldberg from
the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and
tell me to take a hike"!
Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping,
he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsey ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"
Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.
Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy!
This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"