Date: Sunday, February 22, 2004
English is
Difficult
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the
present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
A psychiatrist was conducting a
group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have
obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are
obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Fatty!" He turned to
the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in
your child's name,Chow Chai (means money come)!" He turned to the third
Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your
child's name, Kan Pei (Bottoms up)!" At this point, the fourth mother got
up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's
go!"
Ese and Kee
On a flight from Saigon to Los Angeles, an American sat beside a
Vietnamese. American asked Vietnamese, "What kind of "ese" are
you? "Excuse me?" "What kind of "ese" are you?"
"Excuse me, I don't understand what you meant." "Stupid! Are you
Vietnamese, Chinese or Japanese?" "Oh! I am a Vietnamese." After
2 hours. Vietnamese asked American: "What kind of "kee" are
you? "What? What do you mean by key?" "Are you monkey,
donkey or Yankee."
Tennis Elbow and Tennis Ball
While out one morning in the park, a
jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong
to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the
lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that ?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I
had tennis elbow once."
Feet to heaven first Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God." The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'" 通心粉
一位醫師與護士起了男女關係. 不久, 她告訴他, 她懷孕了. 為了瞞著太太, 他給了她一筆錢去意大利生孩子."但是我如何告訴你孩子誕生了?"護士問. 他回答:"只要寄卡來, 上寫著通心粉即可. 我會負擔費用的." 不知如何是好, 她拿了錢飛到意大利. 六個月過後, 醫師的太太來電話說:"親愛的, 你接到一封歐洲來的卡片. 我看不懂卡上的意思." 醫師回答:"等我回家, 我會解釋給你聽的." 徬晚醫師回家, 看了卡片後, 倒在地下, 心臟病發作. 救護員趕緊送他到警急室. 主醫師留下來安慰她, 和問她甚麼撞擊使他心休克. 因此她拾起卡片讀出:"通心粉, 通心粉, 通心粉, 通心粉. 兩個有肉丸和香腸, 兩個無." 雙眼黑腫
男子週一上班, 雙眼黑腫. 上司心想, 他在酒吧被毆打. 問他:"你在那裡得到黑眼?"
"兩隻眼都是在教堂得到的." "在教堂裡! 怎麼可能會在教堂裡?"
"嗯, 唱聖歌時, 大家都站立. 我注意到在我前面站立的一位女士, 她的裙子夾在屁股縫隙之間, 因此我伸出手把它拉出來.
她轉過身來給了我一拳, 就在右眼上." "嗯, 另一隻呢?" "嗯, 我想, 既然她這麼生氣, 我把她的裙子拉出來, 我最好把它放回去."
The story of period ’.’The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher called on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude but eventually his turn came up. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat backdown. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnny. "Well, I can see that," she said; "But what is so exciting about a period?" "Damned if I know," said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."