An
organization is like a tree full of monkeys,...all on different limbs,... at
different levels,...
some
climbing up.
The
monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom
look up and see nothing but assholes.
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A bus station is where a bus
stops.
A train station is where a
train stops.
On my desk,... I have a work
station.
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A
young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The
old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of
the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel
in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple
for ten cents.
The
next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing
them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of
which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
Then
my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
The
census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude
woman.
"Don't
be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist."
Although
somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. "How
many children do you have?" he asked.
"Eighteen,"
The lady replied.
"Lady,"
he gasped, "you're not a nudist -- you just don't have time to get
dressed!"
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A young woman buys a mirror
at an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says
"Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four."
Instantly, there is a
brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in
minutes they both return.
This time the husband
crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis
touch the floor!"
Again, there's a bright
flash - and his legs fall off.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
For his wife's birthday
party, a doctor ordered
a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older,
You are just getting better."
When asked how he wanted it
arranged, he said, "Just
put 'You are not getting older' at the top,
and 'You are just getting
better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good
doctor was ready to
serve the cake that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."