Date:
A
young man named Brent leased an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name
on his mailbox.
While there, an
attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a
robe.
The man smiled
at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her
robe slipped open,
and it was
obvious that she had nothing else on.
Poor Brent
broke out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few
minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my
apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her
into her apartment.
She closed the
door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she
purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and
embarrassed, Brent finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"
Astounded and a
little hurt she asked, "My ears?
Look at these
breasts. They are full and 100% natural!
I work out
every day! My butt is firm and solid!
Look at my
skin. No blemishes anywhere!
How can you
feel that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his
throat, Brent stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone
coming... That was me.
Having my nails clipped
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the
dogs was hanging its head and sighing.
The second dog turned to him and asked, 'What are you in here for, buddy?'
The dog looked depressed.
'I'm in big trouble,' he said. 'My owner has a really nice sports car with
leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took
me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he's
having me put to sleep.'
'I know how you feel,' said the second dog. 'My owners have a beautiful,
expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and
I just couldn't help myself. I shit all over their nice carpet and ruined it.
They're having me put to sleep too.'
Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room.
'So what are you here for?' they asked.
'Well', said the third dog, 'my owner likes to do her housework in the nude.
The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa
and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my
life.'
The other dogs nodded in sympathy.
'So she's having you put to sleep too, huh?'
'No,' said the dog, 'I'm having my nails clipped.'
Like
a baby
A young couple are on their
way to Las Vegas to get married.
Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to
make. The reason that they had not been intimate was because she was very
flat-chested. If he wished to cancel the wedding, it would be okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while and said he did not mind if she was flat,
and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also
wanted to make a confession. He said that below his waist he was just like a
baby, and if the girl wished to cancel tile wedding, it'd be fine by him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she did not mind and she
also believed there were other things far more important in a marriage than
sex. Both were happy that they'd been honest with each other.
They went on to Vegas and got married. On the wedding night the girl took off
her clothes and she was as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his
clothes and one look at the guy's naked body made the girl faint and fall to
the floor.
After she came to, the guy asked,
'I told you before we got married, why did you still faint?'
The girl said,
'You told me it was just like a baby.'
The guy replied,
'Yes, eight pounds and 21 inches.'
!@#$%^&*()_++_)(*&^%$#@!@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#@!!@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#@!@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#@!!@#$%^&*()_++_)(*&^%$#@!@#$%^&*()_++++_)(*&^%$#@!