TEACHER AND JONNY
A teacher asks her class; "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies: "None, they all fly away with the
first gun shot""
The teacher replies; "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking." Then, Little Johnny says; "I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately
licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down
the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied;
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which LittleJohnny replied; "The correct answer is the one with the
wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."
Easy way of making money
A young man asked an old rich
man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was
1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I
invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple
and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire
day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20
cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated
a fortune of $1.37.
Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
NAMES TO AVOID FOR YOUR KIDS
1) Anne Chang (in Mandarin) -
Dirty
2) Anne Chin (in Mandarin) - Keep quiet
3) Carl Chng (in Hokkein) Buttock
4) Carmen Teng (in Hokkein) - Leg hair long
5) Corrine Tai (in Hokkein) - Poor fellow
6) Faye Chen (in Mandarin) Dusty
7) Henry Mah (in Mandarin) - Hate your mum
8) Henry Tan (in Hokkein) - Let you wait
9) Jane Tan (in Mandarin) - Fried egg
10) Judy Soo (in Mandarin) - Fated to lose
11) Leslie Tong (in Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
12) Lucy Liaw (in Hokkein) - You are dead
13) Michael Tan (in Cantonese) - Selling eggs
14) Monica Chng (in Hokkein) - Touch your buttock
15) Nelson Chong (in Mandarin) - Worms-infested bird
16) Nelson Tan (in Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
17) Paul Chan (in Cantonese) - Bankrupt
18) Suzie Leow (in Hokkein) - Lost till death
19) Holly Moo (in Hokkein) 每 Let you touch
20) Michael Tan (in Cantonese) - Selling eggs
21) Leonard Tan (in Cantonese) 每 two eggs
22) Diana Lin (in Cantonese) 每 Big boobs
23) Robert Choy (in Cantonese) 每 Carrot
24) Iris See (in Hokkein) 每 want you to die
25) Halen Wong (in Mandarin) 每 Sea Dragon King
Eat you words
A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to
the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a lady opens the door, and
before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps horse dung
all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that
horse dung, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She says, "You want tomato sauce on that? We just moved in and we haven't
got the electricity turned on yet."
Nothing
Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned
to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back
seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does FGRPL spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn said.
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask," Mom, what does DOEB spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn answered.
This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her
room she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"
Kathryn smiled at her and said,"Nothing, sweetheart."
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there
sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"
School Question
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother:"Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son:"Who threw the eraser at the principal? "