Snapshots of a Failed Romance
~~~~~
Sam bounds into the apartment, champagne bottle clasped tightly in his fist, and heads straight for Josh's room. He's just received notice that his internship for next summer has been accepted and is ready to celebrate.
The bedroom door is firmly shut, but Sam boldly opens it, knowing that Josh is probably just studying inside.
He is astonished to find Josh kissing some dark haired waif.
With sinking spirits, Sam quietly closes the door before they notice him and walks out of the apartment. This is one event he will have to celebrate by himself.
~~~~~
He knocks on the door, waiting for Josh's answer before turning the knob and walking into the room.
Seated on the bed in only his boxers, Josh hands a hand rolled cigarette to the half-naked girl beside him. The room is redolent with the scent of pot.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know-" Sam starts to stutter, embarrassed. He doesn't belong here.
Josh waves away his apology.
"Come join us," he invites.
The girl holds out the cigarette and Sam takes it. His first hit makes him dizzy and he sinks down on to the bed next to them.
~~~~~
Sam feels like he's dreaming.
He's not sure how it happened, but his mouth is fastened around Josh's cock. And there's a strange woman engulfing his own.
~~~~~
It's their last day in DC.
Sam's stuff is already packed and neatly stacked next to the door, but Josh has just started to pack, his brilliant mind unable to focus on anything else besides the deals and connections made on the Hill these past few months.
"C'mon, Josh! The cab will be here in ten minutes," he calls.
Josh dashes out of his room, hair wild, eyes crazed. "Ten minutes?" he asks, disbelieving.
"Yes," Sam confirms.
Josh swivels and heads back into the bedroom, emerging minutes later with a bulging duffel bag and a large carton of books.
~~~~~
At the curb, Josh turn to Sam and looks at him seriously, his trademark smirk gone for once. "I'm going to miss this."
"Me too," Sam says.
Josh is headed back to Connecticut, to well manicured lawns and solid brick buildings, to one final year of law school before he heads back to DC permanently. Sam is just beginning his adventures at ??? Law. He's not sure where they'll lead him.
He presses a slip of paper into Josh's hand. "In three years I'll be done with school. Call me if you find the real thing by then."
~~~~~
Josh doesn't call to tell him about the real thing.
Instead, he calls to remind him of arguments to make about Long Island Rail Road v. Palsgraff. Sam accepts his advice willingly.
The following week, Josh calls again, to discuss the implications of BLANK.
Sam becomes his eager student.
He doesn't think about why he's so eager for Josh's phone calls or why it's Josh's face he begins to see in his dreams. He ignores the voices in his head that are whispering to him, asking the questions anyhow.
The voices disappear when he meets Lisa.
~~~~~
His career is doing well � it's suspected that they'll ask him to become partner soon � and her writing is just starting to get noticed by the really big magazines. They're a golden couple.
He sits across from her in an expensive restaurant, nervously fingering the velvet box in his pocket. He's not sure she's the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with but it seems like the right thing to do. At some point, he'll have to live up to his friend's and family's expectations.
He takes her hand and asks, "Will you marry me?"
She says yes.
~~~~~~
"You're leaving?"
Lisa is incredulous and Sam can't blame her. Fourteen years of friendship, two years of dating, six months of living together, four months of engagement, and he's leaving it all behind for Josh's promises of the real thing.
She starts screaming, cursing him for leaving her now, months before their wedding. What will their friends think? Her family? His? What about his career? Or hers?
She begins flinging accusations at him. "It's not me you want. It never was. It's him! I always suspected, but I didn't actually know until now."
He can't deny the claims she makes.
~~~~
He wakes up to see flyaway brown hair on the pillow next to his. The sex was fantastic, better than anything he'd ever experienced - but he's not Josh.
Sam wonders when Josh became the center of his universe.
~~~~~
He experiences a vague sense of d�j� vu as he walks towards the bedroom.
His gaze focuses on the two people on the bed: Donna's long, pale legs wrapped around Josh's waist, the muscles of Josh's arms as he supports his weight above her, her arched back as he feasts upon her breast.
He whimpers � a small noise that's a cross between a moan of arousal and a cry of despair. They turn towards him as one.
Embarrassed, Donna scrambles beneath the sheet and hides her nakedness. Josh rocks back on his heels, calmly meeting Sam's stare. He looks neither guilty or angry.
Sam turns and flees.
~~~~~
"You must have suspected something," Josh says.
Sam doesn't meet his eyes, can't begin to tell him that he didn't, that he harbored a secret crush on him and willfully disregarded all the signs that a romance was brewing with Donna.
Josh is his friend, his mentor. He's not supposed to be the object of his desire. But he is.
Instead, he laughs off his feelings of betrayal, wishes Josh happy. He knows he says all the right things because Josh looks relieved and happy when he says goodbye and gets into the waiting cab.
The last thing he thinks as he collapses on his couch is that he'll never be able to sleep in his bed again.
~~~~
Sam watches out the window of the plane as it starts it's journey down the runway.
He realizes that there isn't anything left for him in Washington.
All his political hopes and aspirations, all of his personal dreams, have disappeared. Despite Toby's and Leo's offer of a promotion, his career at the White House is over. He has no romantic relationship and no ties to anyone else in the city. The only thing left is a tenuous friendship with the man he wishes he could have as something more.
He's not sure what awaits him in California, but it must be better than what he has left behind in DC.