"We're having our conversation now."

"Don't you think it would be irresponsible for me to leave this administration before the end of the second term?"

"It's a conversation about me, not you."

"I got to get over to the OEOB."

"You have to sit down and talk to me, that's what you have to do."

"You're very demanding today. Even Leo thinks I should be wandering the American byways in search of the next President."

"I quit."
~~~~~

By the time he finally came home that night, Donna had given up all pretense of sleeping. She was simply lying in bed going over all the ways she could have handled the situation better.

She could have just told him over breakfast. Or discussed it with him at home, where there were no crises brewing to distract him. Or even talked to him at any of the myriad moments they shared during a typical day at the office. At the very least, she could have done something other than just blurting it out in the bullpen like that.

But no, she'd wanted to do it the proper way, through a scheduled meeting, even though she knew he'd be unlikely to keep it. And look where it had gotten her. Sleepless, waiting, hoping -- praying -- for Josh to come home safe and relatively sober. Or to come home in any condition, just so long as he was home.

She knew he was going to be pissed, but she wasn't sure how pissed until he walked into the bedroom -- stone cold sober -- and refused to talk to her or to even look at her.

"Josh..." She sat up and reached out to touch his shoulder, but lost her nerve at the last minute and let her hand drop to the mattress.

"Don't," he warned her harshly, bending over to take off his shoes and socks. "Just... don't."

When she tried to speak again, he turned to glare at her in the dim room. "You quit. Just like that," he snarled, snapping his fingers. "No discussion, no warning, just... gone! Leaving me with Marla, the temp from hell."

She flinched and watched helplessly as he turned his back to her again and started undressing. "I tried to tell you. Several times."

He stopped and whirled around to face her. "God, Donna! We're with each other nearly twenty-four hours a day! You couldn't have found a minute during any one of them to warn me? To say, 'Hey, Josh, I'm thinking about leaving the White House'?"

Her spine stiffened and she returned his angry glare.

"I /tried/," she snapped. "But every time you brushed me off, went on to things that you deemed more important. When was /I/ going to be important, Josh?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "After the China summit. After I assured all the members of the Cabinet that our leader was still capable of leading. And, oh yeah, after I was sure about the health of the fucking President of the United States!"

With each word he bit out, Donna's anger grew. "That isn't fair. It wasn't just today. It was yesterday, the day before, last week! In all that time, you couldn't even give me five minutes. Five lousy minutes! Because you /knew/ what I wanted to tell you."

"I'm not a mind reader, Donna. I didn't know what you wanted," he snorted derisively.

"I've been telling you for weeks, Josh. Months even! You just chose to ignore everything I said, because you can't bear the thought of me not being under your thumb every minute of every day," she shot back.

"You think I want you under my thumb?" he snapped at her, a different type of fire raging in his eyes. "I'll show you what it's like to be under my thumb."

And without warning he pinned her to the bed and kissed her, angrily, fiercely.

She struggled at first. This wasn't what she wanted. Not like this, not with Josh. Never with Josh.

But the anger dissipated, leaving them as quickly as it had come, and all that was left was a sad longing that neither knew how to handle. So when he tugged at her clothes, she helped him remove them, until they were both naked. They clung to each other, trying to heal with their bodies all the hurts they had inflicted with their words.

Afterwards, when they collapsed against on another in a trembling, satisfied mass, she tried to explain, but he silenced her with his lips. Soon, she promised herself, they would talk about it. In the morning, when neither one of them was so emotional.

She fell into an exhausted sleep, and when she awoke two hours later, he was gone.
~~~~~

Long after Donna fell asleep, Josh lay wide awake, his mind and body too restless to allow him to sleep. People move on. The words kept reverberating through his mind. Not just people, but Donna. His Donna. The thought of going to the White House and of her not being there...

People move on. It echoed over and over in his head.

Then the rest of Leo's words started making themselves heard: Pick the smartest, most honorable person you can think of. Have a conversation.

People move on.

Donna was moving on, maybe it was time for him to move on, too. For him to follow Leo's advice and find a new guy, his own real thing.

One person kept coming to the forefront of his mind. Someone passionate, principled. Someone who he knew could make a difference.

He glanced over at Donna's sleeping form and felt a painful ache deep in his gut. She'd left the White House and she would leave him. Maybe not tonight, but eventually, when she realized that he wasn't enough for her either. Leo was right -- it was time to move on.

Without taking the time to think things through, he rose and got dressed, being careful not to wake her up. If he did, it would lead to another argument. Or worse, him confessing how desperately he needed her. Right now, he needed to act, not to think. So he tiptoed to the door, gave her one last sad glance, and headed out.

Grabbing the first cab he could find, Josh instructed the cabbie to go to the airport, where he booked the first flight to Texas.

He didn't call until he was already on the plane, and when he did, she answered immediately. "Josh?"

She sounded scared and worried and Josh's first instinct was to reassure her, to tell her that everything was fine. But it wasn't. Not by a long shot. So he tamped down his initial response, reminded himself that she had left first, and cut her off before she could say anything else. "I'm on a plane to Houston."

Her voice trembled as she asked, "Houston?"

"To see Matt Santos," he explained curtly. The key was to stay unemotional. Give her the bare facts so she didn't have the whole White House looking for him. But not, in any way, give into his feelings. "Leo said this thing� Doesn't matter. I'm already on my way."

"To talk him to him about running for Congress again?" Donna asked warily.

"To talk to him about running for President," Josh said sharply.

He hung up before she could try to change his mind. She'd made her decision already. Now it was his turn.
~~~~~

"I just want to make sure I'm not starting a turf war. I'd hate to find the Deputy Chief of Staff at my door with a switchblade."

"You're not poaching me. I need to move on. And Josh is ... well, he'll find someone else to answer his phone."

"Well, we can use you. No question. And not as anybody's assistant."
~~~~~

Donna walked out of the OEB with her head held high and her confidence up. Media Targeting for Bingo Bob. No. Bob Russell. She'd have to remember that. He was her boss now; she couldn't keep calling him by that ridiculous nickname. Maybe he wasn't the most compelling candidate ever, but still�

Despite her euphoria about the job, though, she was still reeling emotionally. Josh had left, in the middle of the night, before they'd had a chance to even try and work things out. And Will... he'd explained to her how desperately they needed their office in New Hampshire set up and had all but ordered her there immediately.

She knew she had to go. She had no choice. But she couldn't just leave Josh like that. Quitting her job had been bad enough, but to run away -- no, she wasn't running away, she was going because of her job, she reminded herself. In any case, leaving without a word would be unforgivable.

She dug out her phone and dialed her old extension.

After several minutes of conversation -- wherein she explained to Marla that no, she didn't need to speak /to/ Donna because she /was/ Donna -- she finally found out that Josh was in a meeting.

She searched her memory for any important things that were on his schedule for the day but came up with nothing. Maybe something had happened. Maybe there was a crisis brewing. He probably needed her. She should go into the office and help --

She stopped herself mid-thought. She'd quit her job at the White House because she'd needed more, because she couldn't be Josh's professional caretaker anymore. She had a new job. One that required her to be on her way to New Hampshire within the next few hours. She wasn't going to go back to the White House and back to her old habits one day after leaving. She couldn't.

So she thanked Marla for her help and dialed Josh's cell phone. If she was lucky, he'd be out of his meeting and she could try to explain that this wasn't about her leaving him, the man; it was about her leaving the job. This trip to New Hampshire was a new beginning for her career, but it wasn't the end of them.

Luck wasn't with her, though and her call went directly to voicemail.

"Hey. It's me. I wanted to talk to you about... Ok, that's not exactly right. I /need/ to talk to you.. about a lot of things, but this one thing seems like the most important right now, so I should probably start with it."

She paused, taking deep breath before continuing. "I talked to Will Bailey today and he hired me to work on the Bob Russell for President campaign. And I know what you're thinking, Josh. I know I hurt you and that you're mad at me right now. But it's just a job, Josh, one that'll let me grow and --- this is why I need to talk to you. So you don't think..."

Frustrated, she stopped and then hastily added, "The thing is, Will needs me to go to New Hampshire. Not just soon, but now. Today. And I don't want to leave with things the way they are, but... Call me when you get this. Even if you're mad, even if it's just to -- Call me. Please."
~~~~~

It was Human Resources that alerted Josh to the fact that Donna had applied for a job in the Vice President's office. He thanked them for giving him a heads up and then headed over to Will's office. He needed to talk to talk to him about Wilkinson's Sanctity of Marriage Act, and what better time to do so than right now?

When he got there, he didn't see her in the bullpen. His heart sank. Some part of him -- the part he was trying desperately to subdue -- had hoped for at least a glimpse of her. Had hoped that maybe she was regretting her decision already. Not that he'd take her back. He was the victim, so what consideration did he owe her? She'd made her choice, and it hadn't included him.

But not for a moment did he doubt that she was there, somewhere, amongst all the nameless, faceless staff. Which was why he could barely contain his surprise when Will informed him that she was in New Hampshire.

Dejected, he slunk back to the White House and shut himself up in his office, closing the door and ignoring the pink message slips Marla handed him as he passed her.

So his gut instinct had been right, he thought as he slumped in his chair. She'd really left. Not just his office, but his life. And she hadn't said a word. Not a call or an email. She'd just packed up and gone, leaving him alone. It wasn't just the job. It was him, too.

Belatedly, he recalled the message on his cell phone. At the time it had come through, he'd been dragging his exhausted body through the airport, on his way home from his hasty trip to Texas. A quick glance at the log had told him it was from Donna, but he'd still been reeling from her decision and from the conversation with Matt to listen to it. And since he'd arrived at the White House this morning, he'd simply been too busy to do so.

With a burst of hope, he quickly scrolled through his cell phone's list of messages until he came to it. With some trepidation, he put the phone to his ear and listened, getting as far as the part where she tried explaining that it was just about the job, before hitting the end button.

He'd expected to get her voicemail, so he was surprised when she actually picked up. He immediately changed tactics, discarding the somewhat pathetic message he had rehearsed. "Bingo Bob, Donna?"

"I needed a job."

"You had a job."

"I was slowly dying at that job."

There was a stunned silence as Josh absorbed her words.

"I didn't... Josh..."

"No. I get it," he bit out. "I was stifling you. I wasn't giving you what you needed. Is that really why you quit and went to work for Bingo Bob? Is that why I had to find out from Will Bailey that you'll be working out of New Hampshire?" Emotion made his voice lower as he asked his next question. "Is that why you left me? Do you hate me that much, Donna?"

He could hear the confusion in her voice as she answered. "Josh. I didn't leave you, not like that. I called. Didn't you get my message?"

"The one saying we needed to talk? Yeah, no thanks, Donna. I don't think talking can fix this."

"The one where I told you about New Hampshire and explained that my going wasn't about you," she replied. "The one where I --"

"Yeah, I got it. You wanted to grow. But Bingo Bob? You worked at the White House! You were the Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff!"

"I was Josh Lyman's lackey, responsible for answering the phone and checking for typos. That's a job, Josh, not a career. I needed more."

"You were everything to me," he corrected huskily. "And now you're going to work for that joke of a man, who -- what? Appreciates your fine political skills?"

"Don't," she warned and Josh knew enough to back off. Before he could make some other stupid insult, she abruptly brought the subject back to her leaving. "This thing in New Hampshire? It's not forever, Josh. I'll only be gone for a few weeks. I'll be back once... once I prove that I can stand on my own two feet. Can you understand that? Please?"

"No, Donna, I /can't/ understand that. I can't understand any of this. But fine. You need to stand on your own two feet? You need space? Go ahead and have your space." Anger made him lash out, and he found himself suddenly making a snap decision about the offer Santos had made. "Maybe I'll even see you up in New Hampshire in a few days."

He could hear the dread and hope warring in her voice when she asked, "You're coming to New Hampshire?"

"Not because of you," he answered with more venom than he intended. "Because of Santos. I told him he should run and when he does, I intend to be there to make sure he wins."
~~~~~

"Mind if one of my deputies sits in?"

"It's your meeting."
~~~~~

Donna followed Josh out of Will's office and dogged his steps until she was within touching distance. "Can we not make this a thing?"

He turned and stared at her for a beat before quietly saying, "It's not a thing."

Then he turned and walked away, leaving Donna staring at his back as he retreated down the hall.

She meant to return to her office, but suddenly anger was propelling her in the opposite direction. Her long-legged stride became a slight jog, and she reached Josh just as he was getting behind the wheel of a black SUV.

"Wait!" she called as she swung through the door and out onto the sidewalk. He leaned across the passenger seat and rolled down the window, but didn't look at her.

"What gives you the right to judge what I do or do not do?" Donna demanded.

"I don't know, Donna. Maybe it was the fact that you weren't just my assistant. Maybe it was because you were sharing my bed and my apartment and you didn't give me a clue about any of this," he said, as he finally turned to glower at her. "Maybe it's because I told you about Matt Santos and you still -- You know what? Forget it. I have a candidate to go prep for another meet and greet."

He started to raise the window, but she put her hand out and stopped him.

"No. You don't get to do this. I took a job, Josh. One I needed in order to advance my career. One that gives me the opportunities you refused to."

"I gave you -- God, Donna! You think any other college dropout would have made it as far as you did?"

He didn't mean it. He couldn't. He was just baiting her. She'd seen him do it a thousand times before to people who'd crossed him. She just had to remind herself of that and try not to take it so personally.

"I got as far as I did because I was good at my job," she said as calmly as she could. "Will knows that, CJ knows it, /I/ know it. So don't you /dare/ imply that the only reason I managed to keep my job in the White House was because I was sleeping with you."

He blanched and looked away. When he turned back, his expression was inscrutable. "You were good at your job," he ground out. "Are we done here?"

She looked at him sadly. How had they devolved into this? She moved away from the vehicle and nodded sharply.

Silently, he rolled up the window up, started the car and pulled away from the curb. She was left standing on the sidewalk, tears of anger and hurt glistening in her eyes.
~~~~~

"You know what Russell's been speaking about on his trip here?"

"I didn't know chipboard could talk."

"White Mountains preservation, MTBE, textile conversion�local issues."

"You mean pandering."

"I mean what voters want. Campaigns are about them, not us�you taught me that."

"You came here to deliver my old truisms?"

"Close. Letters from Russell supporters to the DNC, urging them to protect the New Hampshire Primary. You ought to deliver some of those truisms yourself."
~~~~~

Josh watched her walk away from him and fought the urge to chase after her. She was right. Santos wasn't doing this the way he was supposed to and he certainly wasn't listening to Josh. It frustrated him.

Everything about this trip frustrated him � Santos, seeing Donna, working against Donna, not being able to talk to�

Donna. Everything came back to her and how much he missed her in every aspect of his life.

Stubbornly, he fought back his feelings and reminded himself that she had made the choice to leave first. He was the wronged one here. She should be the one making amends.

He wanted to chase after her, grab her by the arms and make her talk to him until she could see how he'd been hurt. Pride stopped him. He stayed where he was and followed her with his eyes instead.

She got as far as the opposite sidewalk, then turned around and headed straight back to him.

"More truisms?" he asked, trying for nonchalance.

"No. The Fickle Pickle. Do you know where it is?" she asked brusquely.

His brows knitted in confusion. Whatever he'd expected her to say, it definitely wasn't that. "I was just� Yeah. I'm familiar with it."

"Good. Meet me there at seven," she said and then headed directly for the Post Office.

She didn't turn back this time, and Josh watched her retreating figure with something akin to hope.
~~~~~~

"Ok, so I'm here," Josh said as he walked up to the corner booth Donna had managed to secure. He dumped his backpack on the floor and took a seat. "Although, I've got to say, I'm not looking forward to you telling me again how bad I am for you."

She brushed her hair out of her eyes, took a calming sip of water, then lowered her sweating hands to her lap in order to surreptitiously wipe them on her pants. "You weren''t -- you /aren't/ bad for me," she said, much more coolly than she intended.

"Really? Because everything you've done lately --"

"Has been about me, not you," she interrupted. Her voice was firm but without malice, and she watched him steadily as she added, "It's been about you since day one, and for once I'm doing something for me."

His teeth ground together. "You're saying I never did anything for you? Never - God!"

She looked down at the table for a second as she gathered her courage, and then met his eyes again. "You did. You gave me so much, Josh. But I needed to do something for myself for once."

"And you couldn't do it while being my assistant?" he asked, leaning forward on his elbows, his gaze intense.

"No, I couldn't. Because CJ was right. I outgrew my job somewhere around the second year in office."

"And I wasn't enough to keep you there," Josh whispered.

"Of course you were," Donna exclaimed. "I stayed for five years longer than I should have because you were enough."

"Obviously I wasn't, or you wouldn't have left," he said, his voice breaking a little on the last word.

Her head jerked and she stared at him. This wasn't going right -- she wasn't explaining things like she wanted to. And Josh� he looked devastated. She'd hurt him. Badly. And she wasn't at all sure how to take away that hurt. Or if it was even possible.

"Josh... I left my job. That's all."

"That's /all/?" he asked. "You left everything! Your job, your home. Me."

"I left my job," she repeated, her outer calm starting to crumble. "I didn't leave you."

"No, you left me. There's no way you can talk around it. You just left, in the middle of the afternoon, without --"

"God, Josh, I didn't ask you here so we could blame each other for everything that's happened. I asked you here because --" His eyes were narrowed and his mouth was set, his chin jutting forward just a little bit, and Donna suddenly knew that nothing she could say would make up for what she'd done. She would only wind up hurting him more. She grabbed her purse and stood. "You know what? Forget it."

He stopped her with a hand on her arm. "No... why?"

Something in his voice made her remain in place beside the table. "I asked you to meet me because I miss you. I miss you so damn much that I can't..." She trailed off, unable to finish.

"You miss me?" he asked in surprise.

"Yes, you jackass! I miss you," she repeated with a sniffle as she half-heartedly swatted at his arm. He ignored her, keeping his hand firmly wrapped around her wrist.

"Oh."

When no other reaction was forthcoming, Donna pulled away from his restraining hand and turned her back to him to hide the tears in her eyes. "This was a mistake. I shouldn't have asked you here, expecting -- I'm sorry."

She started to walk away, hoping she could get to the door before her tears fell in earnest. She was so focused on her escape that the sound of Josh scrambling from the booth behind her barely registered. It wasn't until he grasped her hand tightly in his and laced his fingers with hers that she even realized he had followed her. "Donna."

She didn't resist, but neither did she turn around. And then in that same soft voice, he repeated her name. "Donna. Turn around."

She was surprised by what she saw. He was smiling at her, hesitantly, almost shyly. "I missed you," he admitted.

"Really?" She bit her lip to keep from sobbing.

"Really."

"I didn't mean..." She choked back her tears. "I wasn't leaving /you/, Josh. I could never leave you."

"I should have..." He shook his head and opened his arms to her. "C'mere."

His embrace was everything Donna needed and she burrowed into him, letting the pain and frustration of the past weeks wash away with her tears. And he simply held her, letting her soak his shoulder.

When she finally managed to get her emotions under control, she shifted away from him, but refused to relinquish his hand as they returned to the table. She needed that connection too much.

Josh looked down at their joined hands, resting on the table. "So does this means I get to have my hand back?"

"No," she answered simply. "I'm too afraid that if I let go, I'll lose you again."

"You're not gonna lose me," he assured her, smiling at her a little bit.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Ok then." She let go of his hand, but made sure that he stayed within easy touching distance. They sat that way quietly for a little while until Donna finally broke the silence. "So... what do we do now?"

His lips twisted into a humorless smile. "I was kind of hoping you would know."

She slumped down in the booth. "My crystal ball's been a little fuzzy lately. I don't have a clue."

"Come back and help me get me Santos elected," he proposed, shifting forward on his elbows.

Donna sat up straighter and pinned him with a look. "No."

He lifted an eyebrow. "No?"

"No," she repeated firmly. "I left because I needed more from my professional life. And because I needed to prove I could do it on my own. Those things haven't change, Josh, even though I need you in every other part of my life. I still need to prove myself."

"No, you don't!" he exclaimed, leaning back and running a hand through his hair. "I lied the other day. There isn't a single person who doesn�t know how good you are. Me included. You don't need to prove yourself."

She offered him a little smile. "Thank you. For the, you know, compliment forced under duress."

"I meant it," he said softly. "So now that that's out of the way..."

"No, I'm not going to work for you again."

"Donna..."

She returned his look levelly. "Josh."

"I'm serious. Come help me."

She shook her head. "No. Let me do this my way. Please?"

He grumbled a little, but gave into her request. "Still doesn't mean I think it's a good idea."

"So noted. But I appreciate you agreeing anyway," she said.

"As long as you appreciate something," he grumbled.

"I do. I appreciate many, many things about you. Including your willingness to try and understand."

"Fantastic. My girlfriend understands that I don't understand her."

"Josh."

He put his hands up defensively. "Ok, ok. What now?"

"We need to set some ground rules."

"Then I also want it noted that we don't do very well with the rule thing."

She gave him a sideways look. "That's because one of us is always trying to circumvent the rules."

He smirked at her. "Why, Donna, I can't help it you find me so irresistible -- Ow!"

"Who broke the rules during your recovery?"

"Donna!"

"Who, Josh?"

"Toby! He was the one who insisted he needed to see me all the time."

"It was you, Josh."

"C'mon! It was Toby. And CJ. You're telling me I wasn't supposed to talk to them about anything even remotely work-related for three months?"

"I'm saying there were rules about when and how often, and you broke them. Frequently."

"Fine. I broke the stupid rules during my recovery," he grumpily admitted.

"And who broke the rules when I came back from Gaza?"

"You needed someone to help you!"

"I had someone to help me. Madilyn, my roommate?"

"Yeah, but you needed extra help."

"I really didn't."

"So?"

"So you broke the rules. Again."

"Twice. I broke the rules twice. Both during emotionally stressful times. They don't count."

"What about the rule about kissing in the office?"

"One time! It was only one time! Everyone had already left for the day. And you were right there -- Ow!" He rubbed at his arm. "I think we need a rule about you hitting me."

She ignored his complaint. "My point is -- we need to establish some ground rules. And we need to vow not to break them." When he gave her a disbelieving look, she added, "I mean it, Josh. No rule breaking this time."

"Fine. What kind of rules?"

"No trying to lure me to Santos' side." He started to protest and she cut him off. "No attempts at stealing me away from Russell."

He rolled his eyes at her. "I'll try."

"Good enough."

"What else?"

"No talking about either campaign."

"Done. I'm sure Bingo Bob wouldn't have anything we'd want anyhow."

She made a face at him and continued. "No sex."

Josh opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Donna watched in amusement as he tried to form the words. "But... you... and I... we can't... Donna! No. I refuse to agree to that one."

"It's a deal breaker."

"Seriously, a deal breaker?"

"Yes. It won't look good for us or for our candidates if we're noticed having clandestine meetings in hotel hallways."

"Hallways, Donna?" He smirked. "Because I know how much you want me, but..."

"You know what I mean, Josh."

"See, this -- this right here -- this is why you need to come work for Santos." He stressed the Santos part but she shook her head anyway.

"No sex."

"But if you worked for Santos, we could be having sex all the time."

She laughed at his expression. "Josh, no."

"You're taking all the fun out of this," he complained.

"I'm trying to set some ground rules to preserve both our careers. No sex."

"I'm not ruling it out completely."

She sighed and tried another tactic. "Just because there won't be any sex doesn't mean we can't do other things. There's talking and... I don't know. Dinner?" It sounded like a poor substitute, even to her.

"A stolen dinner now and then is supposed to make up for not having your naked body in my bed?" he asked.

"It's supposed to make the lack of sex more tolerable," she said. "Think of it as dating."

"It's a little late for that," Josh complained.

"Dating," she repeated. "And no sex. It's a deal breaker, Josh."

"Fine. But I'm lodging my intense dislike of this particular rule right now."

"So I noticed." She stood up. "Walk me to my car?"

"Do I get to kiss you goodnight, or is that off limits too?"

"I think we can make an exception tonight," she told him with a grin.

"Excellent." And then anything else she might have said was cut off as his lips touched hers.
~~~~~