| 19 sep 2001 "won't say i love you babe won't say i need you babe but i'm gonna get you babe and i will not do you wrong living's mostly wasting time and i waste my share of mine but it never feels too good so let's not take too long" so karen got her tare panda in the mail yesterday.� she really liked it, so i'm glad.� oh!� so i asked her if she had any problems sharing a bed in new york, and as soon as i finished phrasing my question, she blurted out, "It's fine."� she said it so soon after i finished talking that it seemed kind of odd... i expected her at the very least to pause and think about the question, you know? we talked for a little over an hour last night.� it was like 2-3am her time in houston.� as much as i love talking to her and hearing her voice, i felt a little uneasy, though.� because i realized that karen is still fiercely independent.� and i wonder how much capacity she has to sharing her life with someone else.� like thinking in terms of "us" as opposed to "i."� *shrug*� i know that she's never been in a long-term relationship, so i wonder how easily she would adapt to being in one after being single for all of her life.� oh well.� everybody's gotta start some time, right? i think after our talk last night, i am going to tone down my little fantasies and stuff.� i'm going to just focus on the trip as two friends spending time with each other, rather than making it into this big drama about two people potentially getting together.� i hate it when i get all these expectations, because then they're way too much potential for disappointment.� especially the way i build them up in my trademarked way into these crazy obssessions.� yup.� so now, i just wish for a fun, eventful, and most importantly, a SAFE trip.� safety is key.� and anything that happens between us will be simply a great bonus. i checked my flights to new york as of yesterday, and the second leg was cancelled.� woo hoo.� i am crossing my fingers, hoping that by the time october rolls around, my flights will be running and on time.� and i hope karen's flights will be running, too.� that's the best i can hope for. i was watching _real world_ yesterday... mtv is back on its regularly schedule programming, and during the show, watching the housemates walk around new york at night and stuff, i just kept reassuring myself that millions of people traverse the streets of the city and come out ok, so there's no reason why i should be so preoccupied with potential violent encounters and stuff, as long as i'm smart about things, right? i'm so neurotic, it's sickening sometimes. oh, back to _real world_.� one of the dudes, mike, had two friends from his home state of ohio drive out and visit.� and while his two roommates were sleeping, he had sex with one of the girls.� dude!� that's just wrong.� it's just plain wrong to have sex when others are in the room.� damn, get a hotel or something! and in the confessional room, mike said, "it's ok for friends to have sex, as long as they communicate what they feel."� is he serious??!� wow!� he must have some horny friends or something.� i can't imagine a single girl friend i know, where i could just say, "hey... i don't want this to become a relationship or anything, but... let's fuck tonight, ok?"� sheesh, man.� i just don't understand some people and the way they handle things.� i mean, i think it would be fun to live like mike (i mean, you're getting sex with no strings attached!), but i just don't think i could pull it off without feeling like i was totally using my girl friend.� or maybe i'd get attached to the girl or something like that. fuck buddies.� man.� what a concept.� maybe the world would be a better place if we all got some action regularly, even if it wasn't with a significant other. taiko is back in session.� i think i got volunteered to help perform during the early autumn quarter performances, coming up starting this sunday.� ack.� that means rehearsals and shit like that.� *sigh* so last night, i had dinner with taikofolk carol, marisa, and dishi.� we went to gombei, my fave japanese restaurant EVER.� *yum*� i think i got a bit too much food, though, because i yacked twice afterwards.� but yeah.� gombei serves up some good shit.� it was really refreshing to see taiko people again, because after i got back from japan, with exception to the zendeko concert, i didn't meet up with these folks at all.� so it was really nice to see these familiar faces.� and it was really nice to chat up a storm while we were at the restaurant. i dunno.� i guess i don't get to talk that often during the weekdays.� i'm always here at work, and we're just all sequestered in our cubicles.� and jay is rarely home anymore, so i go days without having one decent conversation.� i guess that's why last night was so fun for me.� plus, most of the taikofolk are really affectionate... lots of hugs and stuff.� while we were talking from the car to gombei, marisa grabbed my arm, and we skipped down the sidewalk arm-in-arm.� nice! as much as i feel like i'm too old to be a part of the group, i am a little excited to be performing again.� not that i have a big part... i'm playing these little granite blocks, which kind of serve as a backbeat to the people with the main drum parts.� but being on stage, especially at memorial auditorium (where the performance is on sunday night), is such a great feeling.� *drool* i get to wear these funky japanese pants for the performance.� they're crotchless!� yup.� they're made of two legs, and the crotch part is like two overlapping pieces of fabric; the whole point is that it enables a taiko player to get down really low in his stance without tearing at the crotch seam (because there IS no crotch seam!).� they're really cool, the way they're designed.� unfortunately, i'm a little too large for the japanese, so my pant size (translated as "SUPER OBESE") is still too small... i have to hang the pants on my ass so part of my butt is hanging out, and i have to cover my underwear with the top part of the outfit. shit.� i better go find where i've stored my taiko clothes.� i haven't touched them since i moved. i read on adam's site that he makes peace with life or something every time he gets on a plane.� *shiver*� i think i'm gonna have to learn how to do that...� yes, above the mugging and stuff, my number one fear is the plane flight to new york and back.� and i don't think i'm ever going to be able to get over my fear of flying.� i swear, it haunts me. |