| 11 sep 2001 fuck. holy fuck. my mom called me at 8am this morning. i knew it had to be bad news. from the tone of her voice, i thought someone in our family had died. i braced myself for the worst. she told me that she was watching the news, and that she was shaking. i was, of course, selfishly demanding more sleep, so i told her i'd check out the news later, but all that haunted me for the next two hours in bed was the vision of exploding buildings and collapsing towers and thousands upon thousands of people trapped and killed. i can't believe this is happening. i ruefully give a "ballsy" award to the terrorists who believed they could coordinate and pull this shit off, because frankly, i'm impressed in a really morbid way... but that's just a tiny tiny fraction of how i feel. i am angry. and sad. bewildered. and frightened. how the fuck did this come to pass? you know in _star wars_ (the first one) where the death star blows up alderaan? and how obiwon kenobi, thousands of parsecs away, just feels a great disturbance in the force when millions of voices scream and then are heard no more? that's how i feel. like the deaths across the country are rippling waves of horror right through my body. i am pissed. i want the united states, the fbi, the cia, the fucking navy seals, fema... to get off their asses, so they can help with the rescue mission, and then hunt down the fuckers who did this. and when they catch them, i want them to rip off their kneecaps, jam rusty nails into their eyeballs, pluck out their nosehairs one by one, and crucify them upside down. i just want to feel safe in this world. it's shit like this that makes me want to become a hermit in some cave somewhere. i don't pray very often. i'm not what you could call a religious person of any sort. but i am praying right now for those who are suffering, the friends and family and the victims. but i am also praying for some fucking vengeance to sweep its fiery arms of hell across the assholes who did this. what does terrorism accomplish? how does this horrendous act in any WAY further their agendas? it's just a massive PR campaign paid for not by a number of dollars, but a number of innocent human lives. stupid stupid stupid pitiful evil fuckers. a friend of mine who lives in new york e-mailed that he was fine, but that while walking down a street in manhattan, he saw with his own eyes the world trade center collapse. that is a sight that i would never forget, and in some way, i hope i never see something that horrifying. i think i'd just break down and start crying. my mom (who is christian) is convinced these are the signs to a coming armageddon. i wonder. i know that shit like this happens all over the world all the time. rahul was telling me that india has been facing terrorist attacks like this from pakistan all the time. so i'm not trying to make it seem like this is more important than any other ordeal that another country has faced. but it certainly hits closer to home than any of them. it just shows how heartless and isolated from the rest of the world community i am. ugh. i just don't get it. why people live their happy lives only to wind up working at the world trade center, and one day, some fucking jumbo jet crashes into it, and they die. what's the point? what did they live for? it just confuses and bewilders me. in my mind, i imagine today as a wake up call to this slumbering giant of a country. and it's gonna get up from its lazy dardy-like slumber, and go out and KICK SOME ASS. and wreak some fucking havoc. make some heads fucking roll. *sigh* but this rage is just a mask for my sadness. and fear. stuff like this really makes my TS seem like a small deal. i'm just one person. tens of thousands of people died today. who am i to fucking whine about anything... i'm ending short today. here's matthew 6:34... "therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorow will be anxious for itself; sufficient for the day is its own evil." |